alone

[lvplbrian]

I have not posted for a long time .My partner and I still together but I feel isolated I cannot talk about my fears and frustrations. My partner talks at me and not to me and the repetitiveness is unbelievable "but still here". If I try to say anything he says I have not finished and he goes on and on .At least I have the choir once a week a time to be among ordinary people and break the cycle. The daily routine is quite hard my partner sleeps till late every day and doesn't arise till after 11am most days .His sleep pattern can be very erratic and he can fall asleep sometimes at the drop of a hat .His obsession with Islam and Muslim issues I find quite disturbing he no longer has a middle ground a logic seems to go out the window. Everything if I am not careful can become an issue. I find myself switching off and hoping I say yes or no in the right place. If anyone can relate I would be grateful for outside input.

 

[Grannie G]

I`m sure many will relate to what you say lvplbrian and I`m glad you have some outlet when you go to join the choir.

A break once a week is not nearly enough. Could you possibly arrange for some more help? I understand your husband won`t tolerate any intrusion, mine was similar in that way. I got round it by having a carer in on the pretext she was helping me by doing my housework. I managed to get out by myself while the carer was doing the housework. My husband was happy to stay at home `to keep an eye on her`.

I was lucky to be granted Direct payments. Have you considered asking for this kind of help.

 

[cragmaid]

Welcome back.

I'm sorry things are being so difficult just now.
I am sensing that you have always deferred to your partner and now are actually scared to stand up to him. You cannot expect logic to play it's normal part in his thinking. Dementia and related illnesses impact on this part of the brain.

You have two options as I see it. One is to try to not let him bully you and make him stop either by saying No. Stop. I am speaking or I do not want to talk about this now. Simply do not engage with him and walk out of the room.


Or two...you can let him carry on bullying you by doing nothing at all.

I believe that you might benefit from counselling and I would suggest that you talk to your GP.

Because you don't know if your partner can change, you might have to.

Be strong.

 

[canary]

Hello lvplbrian. I think many of us recognise that lack of logic, lack of understanding and the overwhelming need to be in control. I too think that you need more support.

The trouble is that at some stage you have to make the transition from loving partner who would talk things over, do what they want and try and make them happy - to becoming a caregiver who has to decide things of behalf of that person, who may have to override their wishes and who needs to keep them safe. It is very difficult to make that change, but it is the only way to deal with dementia.

 

[felix1977]

YOu can talk to therapist. Sometimes is the only one way!