I have looked after my mother since 2005, when my father passed away. Mum didn't have dementia then. Only a physical disability. I was signed on as third party to her account. She always told me she would take care of me financially. I had her permission to use the account. We were a family unit. In 2014 I could no longer look after mum. She has Alzheimers and became violent and mean with it. She went into care. A beautiful 5 star nursing dementia home. Now she has made allegations against me and adult social services are demanding bank statements. Is the verbal agreement made back in 2005 not in anyway valid. Am I really considered to be a thief?
Allegations
- Thread starter Van Nimwegen
- Start date
Two thoughts occur to me...I presume Mum is self funding ( 5* housing does not generally come under LA funding)....therefore why are the SS involved?You could tell them you do not have Mum's Bank statements....OR...you could provide statements anyway....unless, of course, you have been making whoopee with Mum's Money
( Joke honestly...no accusations implied)
One other point,if the bank gets to hear of Mum's lack of capacity then they may freeze her accounts until a deputy is appointed since there is no LPA in place, just a third party mandate which will only apply to the account specified therein.
( Joke honestly...no accusations implied)One other point,if the bank gets to hear of Mum's lack of capacity then they may freeze her accounts until a deputy is appointed since there is no LPA in place, just a third party mandate which will only apply to the account specified therein.
Mum is not self funding. She has chc funding and she pays the top up fee. I hold up my hand and honestly say that I have used some of mums money. But this was always agreed that I could. I know the situation is slightly different as now she has alzheimers. Mum has everything she needs and more. I buy her new clothes, magazines when she wants, cds, snacks etc etc. She gets her hair done when she wants, etc etc. I know you may think I am evil but this was our agreement. she always said I would never need to worry about my financial situation. I was allowed access to her account for whatever reason. Even my sister can attest to it. Mum told her often enough. I am ready to apply for deputee ship. my forms are completed, I just need a dr to complete the mental capacity bit.
Don't fret, believe me, I have been there. My Mum used to stand by the ATM and say "draw a hundred for me and a hundred for you" I could have had it all if I'd wanted it.
I'm still not sure why the SS need to see your Mum's statements....but I guess that, sadly, in this day and age, everyone has to be seen to be taking these accusations seriously.
I'm still not sure why the SS need to see your Mum's statements....but I guess that, sadly, in this day and age, everyone has to be seen to be taking these accusations seriously.
Hi Van Nimwegen
If your mother has CHC funding a top up fee is unlawful. I would check this out.
With regard to the theft unfortunately people with dementia do get confused. When my father was in hospital another patient said I worked with him and I was always stealing from the company he and I worked for.
I have never been employed at his ex work place.
He also said some of the nurses had stolen £5,000 from him. The relatives confirmed his money was at home.
When I first met this gent he wanted to borrow my mobile phone. I did ask where he wanted to call and he said he wanted to call the police as the hospital staff were killing him. Obviously I did not let him borrow my phone.
Claire
Hi, are you sure its chc (continuing health care) funding that she is getting or is it partly funded by social services because she has less than £27,000 savings?
If its being partly funded by SS because of her low savings then I suspect that you have got an inexperienced SW who believes what Mum is saying and thinks there has been deprivation of assets
As you can see, the accusation of stealing is really common with dementia - my Mum accused me too!
If its being partly funded by SS because of her low savings then I suspect that you have got an inexperienced SW who believes what Mum is saying and thinks there has been deprivation of assets
As you can see, the accusation of stealing is really common with dementia - my Mum accused me too!
Hi
Mum definately has chc funding. And the top up fee is called a lifestyle top up. I spoke to her today and asked why she was telling everyone that I'm steeling from her, her reply, that she never does that. Unfortunately social services decided to take her too seriously. And social services is involved from the beginning because my mum is in the home against her will and they have to deprivation of liberty assessment. Thought things would get easier for me and mum once she was somewhere safe, but things are just more complicated.
QUOTE=CLAIREDAY;1094445]Hi Van Nimwegen
If your mother has CHC funding a top up fee is unlawful. I would check this out.
With regard to the theft unfortunately people with dementia do get confused. When my father was in hospital another patient said I worked with him and I was always stealing from the company he and I worked for.
I have never been employed at his ex work place.
He also said some of the nurses had stolen £5,000 from him. The relatives confirmed his money was at home.
When I first met this gent he wanted to borrow my mobile phone. I did ask where he wanted to call and he said he wanted to call the police as the hospital staff were killing him. Obviously I did not let him borrow my phone.
Claire[/QUOTE]
Mum definately has chc funding. And the top up fee is called a lifestyle top up. I spoke to her today and asked why she was telling everyone that I'm steeling from her, her reply, that she never does that. Unfortunately social services decided to take her too seriously. And social services is involved from the beginning because my mum is in the home against her will and they have to deprivation of liberty assessment. Thought things would get easier for me and mum once she was somewhere safe, but things are just more complicated.
QUOTE=CLAIREDAY;1094445]Hi Van Nimwegen
If your mother has CHC funding a top up fee is unlawful. I would check this out.
With regard to the theft unfortunately people with dementia do get confused. When my father was in hospital another patient said I worked with him and I was always stealing from the company he and I worked for.
I have never been employed at his ex work place.
He also said some of the nurses had stolen £5,000 from him. The relatives confirmed his money was at home.
When I first met this gent he wanted to borrow my mobile phone. I did ask where he wanted to call and he said he wanted to call the police as the hospital staff were killing him. Obviously I did not let him borrow my phone.
Claire[/QUOTE]
I'm afraid I think if you have nothing in writing, they are looking at the money as being your mother's money (which it was/is), which therefore has to be used for her benefit, not yours. If your mother hasn't put anything in writing, I am afraid that you may struggle to argue that you are entitled to some of your mother's money. They may look at it that if you are withdrawing her money, even with a shared account, you may be depriving her of her assets.
Apologies if I have misunderstood the situation. You have my sympathy, that is an unpleasant situation to find yourself in. It doesn't mean though that anyone thinks you are a thief, more that you may be using money that os meant to be used only for your mother. It doesn't mean anyone has said you are stealing. They may have just noticed anomolies during a financial check?
Apologies if I have misunderstood the situation. You have my sympathy, that is an unpleasant situation to find yourself in. It doesn't mean though that anyone thinks you are a thief, more that you may be using money that os meant to be used only for your mother. It doesn't mean anyone has said you are stealing. They may have just noticed anomolies during a financial check?
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