1. hadenough

    hadenough Registered User

    Mar 8, 2007
    3
    scotland
    My mum died last Thursday from Alzheimers, at the age of 67. Her funeral was yesterday.

    We believe she chose her time-she had an infection which medically there was no reason she shouldn't have recovered from, but she stopped eating and drinking, other than the small amount of liquid which we and nurses could almost drip into her mouth.

    We had a week where we knew her death was going to be fairly imminent, so as a family, we managed to spend as much time as we could with her, and were able to say everything we wanted/needed to.

    During that week, Mum was the most lucid she's been for years. Having been unable to recognise any of us for about the past year, when there was a conversation going on in the room, she followed each speaker with her eyes, and when we were individually speaking to her, she looked us straight in the eyes-again something she's not done for a very long time. Her eyes were also clear-they lost the "foggy" look they've had the whole time she's had this cruel disease.
    We spent a long time going over family photos and videos with her-and she was incredibly focussed on what she was being shown-again, this has not happened for a very long time.
    Obviously there were periods when all we could do was weep, but whilst she was in bed, I was able to spend a fair bit of time snuggled into her-well as far as I could-she couldn't move as she also had Parkinson's disease (very cruel double whammy) but there was one occasion where, not to put too fine a point on it, I was bawling my eyes out, and she was trying to lift her arm to comfort me.

    As she was nearing the end, we all noticed that she started to look younger, and whilst I've always quietly thought the phrase "pass away" is a bit twee, that's exactly what she did. I find it very difficult to put into words, but there was a change came over her face as she passed, and suddenly, in death, she looked like my mum again-I can't describe it. Her eyes were as clear and sparkly blue as they'd ever been-they were no longer bloodshot, which they have been for years. I know there are physical changes which happen on death, but this seemed to go beyond that. She looked totally at peace.

    At the moment, my main emotion is relief for her, that it's all over. Alzheimer's is a cruel enough disease on its own, but Parkinson's on top of that?
    I know I probably have a million more emotions and feelings to go through, and probably for the rest of my life, but for mum, I'm glad she's been released from her hell.

    Thank you
     
  2. gigi

    gigi Registered User

    Nov 16, 2007
    7,788
    East Midlands
    I'm sorry to hear about your mum, hadenough, but glad that her last days were filled with family and love, and that she is now at peace.

    Love xx
     
  3. Vonny

    Vonny Registered User

    Feb 3, 2009
    4,577
    Telford
    It's lovely that you were able to say good bye to your mum, and it is hard to grieve properly when you are so relieved that your loved one is free from all the pain and strife. I lost my mum in August and haven't been able to grieve properly although I desperately want to. I do miss her but my over-riding feeling is still one of relief for her, because I loved her so much and couldn't bear the life she was having to live.

    I hope you are able to grieve, and thank you for sharing.

    Vonny xx
     
  4. BeckyJan

    BeckyJan Registered User

    Nov 28, 2005
    18,972
    Derbyshire
    Hello:

    I am so sorry you have lost your Mum but what a wonderful description you have given of her 'passing'. I hope seeing her in those last few days will give you some comfort after the horror of two lousy diseases.

    My deepest sympathies Jan
     
  5. zoet

    zoet Registered User

    Im sorry to hear of the loss of your dear mum, and i am glad you have found comfort in knowing she is no longer suffering. My sincere condolences, Zoe x
     
  6. connie

    connie Registered User

    Mar 7, 2004
    9,519
    Frinton-on-Sea
    Thank you for sharing the last days of your dear mum's life with us. So very moving and good that the family had the chance to spend some special moments with her.

    Too young, but she is at peace now from two most debilitating diseases. My sincere condolences to you and the family.
     
  7. christine_batch

    christine_batch Registered User

    Jul 31, 2007
    3,388
    Buckinghamshire
    Dear Hadenough,

    So sorry to read of your Mother's passing.

    May you be granted the strength to get you through the coming days.

    Christine
     
  8. hadenough

    hadenough Registered User

    Mar 8, 2007
    3
    scotland
    Thank you all for your kindness. I feel we've been grieving for the past 10 years because that's how long ago we lost the person we knew.
    I know it's a long process, but I think there's a certain amount of healing been done just by how peaceful she was in death.
    I did however have a real howl this morning when I realised that the labels for the children's christmas presents had been signed by my dad from him and my mum-I'm going to leave them as they are though, as when the items were bought, mum was still here.
     
  9. Linda Mc

    Linda Mc Registered User

    Jul 3, 2005
    1,881
    Nr Mold
    So sorry please accept my sympathy at this difficult time.
     
  10. Winnie Kjaer

    Winnie Kjaer Account Closed

    Aug 14, 2009
    2,011
    Devon
    I too would like to add my condolences. Your grieving will take a different course now your mother has finally gone, and sometimes we are not as prepared as we think we are going to be. I wish you and your family strength in the coming months. Thanks you for sharing your wonderful time spent with your dear mother.
    Very best wishes
     
  11. snooky

    snooky Registered User

    May 12, 2007
    104
    devon
    Please let me add my deepest sympathies to you and your family for the sad loss of your dear Mum. You were there for her always and she is now at peace and no longer suffering. My thoughts are with you.

    Snooky
     
  12. shelagh

    shelagh Registered User

    Sep 28, 2009
    476
    Staffordshire
    My deepest condolences on the loss of your dear Mum. I hope you and the children will have a peacedul love filled Christmas knowing her pain is over.
    Shelagh
     
  13. lesmisralbles

    lesmisralbles Account Closed

    Nov 23, 2007
    5,543
    Helllo Hadenough

    I am so very sorry to hear about the death of your mother X

    I lost my husband Ron four weeks ago.
    He also had Parkinsons/Lewy body dementia.

    He also looked so peaceful, and so young, and hansome XX

    Have as good a christmas as you can. You have memories XX, take heart in them X

    Barb X
     
  14. milly123

    milly123 Registered User

    Mar 15, 2009
    896
    England
    sorry to hear your sad news i hope it is of some comfort to know your mum passed away peacefully milly
     
  15. Rosie

    Rosie Registered User

    Jun 10, 2004
    235
    South East Wales, UK.
    Sorry to hear your sad news, but as you say in your posting, a blessing for your Mum, at peace at last, love & hugs Rosie x
     
  16. Prague09

    Prague09 Registered User

    Jul 22, 2008
    174
    essex
    Sorry for your loss

    I am so sorry for your loss.

    To lose a parent is heartbreaking, and you do miss so them much.
    Your mum was quite young, but as you say thankfully she is at peace from those two horrible,cruel conditions that she suffered
    from.

    Prague 09
     

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