All new to this

[Teddy4]

I've never been on any forums to date but have a very difficult situation currently, My mother has had dementia for 5+ years but my father has been very good at hiding the goings on, despite this I have been helping with cleaning and taking mum out to give dad a break over the past 3 years. Now Dad has been in hospital for 6 weeks and has been really poorly it's shown me and my siblings how bad she has become, the aggression I have experienced has been pretty bad, kicking, hitting, swearing and demanding me out of her house. She will not accept any help or care outside of the family members which is putting a massive strain on us all trying to hold down full time jobs and families of our own. We finally managed to get a doctor in who prescribed some medication (despite mum telling him he looked like a nice man but get out of my house!), this has reduced the aggressive episodes but the stubborn part is just as bad, holding doors closed etc. She can barely dress herself and if left for more than an hour demands to know where everyone has been even if you've been in earlier.
Not sure that anyone can really help but to write it down for people in similar circumstances helps a bit.

 

[Bunpoots]

Welcome to DTP @Teddy4

I cared for my dad who was also reluctant to accept outside carers. He told everyone he was fine as I'd do it all

Eventually it all got too much for me so I arranged help for him anyway. I told him I had a friend who needed a job cleaning and gardening (she also made sure he had lunch and reminded him to take his pills) . He got on well with her so that made it easier to introduce new people when he started needing help with personal care.

I do hope you can find a way - it will have to be sneaky - to get some much-needed help with your mum. It's very common for people with dementia to refuse but good carers who are used to people with dementia will have their own ways of getting accepted. You just need to find the right one. Good luck!

 

[canary]

Hello @Teddy4 and welcome from me too.

If she really wont accept carers then an alternative is to phone Social Services and ask for emergency respite in a care home while your dad is in hospital

 

[Teddy4]

Thank you for your replies, things are much the same except that some of the aggressive behaviour is starting again, it appears to be only targeted at me rather than the other family members. We have a meeting hopefully this week with regard to Dad's release from hospital however he still needs nursing care and physio to have any chance of recovering further, he will not be able to return home but Mum thinks she can look after him herself when she can't look after herself. Considering trying to get somewhere that would take both until we see if Dad improves with the premise of them 'letting her stay with him'. Absolute nightmare.