1. Expert Q&A: Benefits - Weds 23 October, 3-4pm

    Our next expert Q&A will be on the topic of benefits. It will be hosted by Lauren from our Knowledge Services team. She'll be answering your questions on Wednesday 23 October between 3-4pm.

    You can either post your question >here< or email them to us at talkingpoint@alzheimers.org.uk and we'll be happy to ask them on your behalf.

  1. LoobyLou69

    LoobyLou69 Registered User

    Jun 2, 2015
    1
    Hello - I am brand new on the forum and I do apologise if my post is in an inappropriate place.
    Both of my parents (78 and 84) have recently been diagnosed with dementia. My Mum is much more advanced than my Dad, but they are both finding life a struggle.
    After a recent hospital stay (for something unrelated) their GP became increasingly concerned about their welfare and contacted social services, occ health etc. Over the last 3 weeks things have moved so quickly that I can barely catch my breath. They have gone from nothing to 2 care visits per day. And now they are talking about withdrawing Dads ability to drive. I cannot criticize their GP or any of the other departments. They have been really efficient and attentive - but it has all happened so fast.
    The problem is that my parents don't think there is anything wrong with them whatsoever. They are very unhappy indeed and feel that they have suddenly been "taken over". Dad is terrified about having his driving license taken away. I have had long, lengthy discussions with both of them - talking them through from a position of being very angry and anti, to a position of acceptance. But because of the nature of the illness, by the time they wake the next day, they have forgotten it all again. I have a financial assessment form which has to be completed - but I just know that when I present it to Dad, he will get very angry. In his view, why should he pay for something which he feels he doesn't need?
    I just don't know what to do. I have barely slept for the past week and am constantly in a state of anxiety. It is so hard to speak to them and see them so unhappy - like they are being forced into living a life they don't want. Yet I do believe they need this support (certainly my Mum does). This past 3 weeks has been nothing short of overwhelming for all of us.
    I am not sure that any of you lovely folk can give me any advice or answers. I think really I just needed to vent my feelings. Seems a little more constructive than being teary all the time.
     
  2. Gigglemore

    Gigglemore Registered User

    Oct 18, 2013
    526
    British Isles
    Hi Loobylou - I assume they are going to do an assessment on your Dad to see whether or not he is OK to drive. Not sure if you already have concerns and whether it would in a way be a relief for you.

    You didn't mention if they are in a rural area but when my Mum was waiting for her assessment I kept emphasising how lovely it would be not to have to worry about parking and with the money she would save on insuring and taxing the car she could afford taxis to take her door to door if she wanted to go somewhere I couldn't drive her (I knew she would be incapable of organising a taxi but it's all about trying to look on the positive).

    If you've had a look on the forum you'll see there are many threads about persuading people to accept carers. Hopefully it will go much better than you all fear, if you get the right carers who will become "friends" to your parents. At least the authorities are stepping in to help your parents, hopefully this will be for the best in the long run and enable your parents to live happily together in safety in their own home.

    If you are having to explain the "pros" of the changes many times perhaps type out a large-print bullet point list to leave lying around in their home where they will keep finding it?

    Do hope things turn out well. Easy to say, but try not to worry too much. Take care.
     

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