Alcohol related brain damage/vascular dementia

[somewhat despairing]

Hello fellow carers, I am new to this forum, reading through many interesting and moving threads yesterday when I first clicked on - I had been advised of it at an Alzheimers Soc 'Coping with dementia' 4 session course and my first feelings were 'phew, I'm not doing this on my own' - so I thank all of you who share stories and information - I'm sure it helps us and makes us feel less isolated.

I am in a horrible situation. My OH was diagnosed with Alcohol related brain disorder/vascular dementia last year. He associates alcohol with the 'good life' he had (bachelor till 60) of golf, skiing, rugby watching etc. - but is, I am afraid, an alcoholic. I am not sure, however, if he got this horrid diagnosis because I was honest in telling the psychiatrist that he drank approx 100 units a week - he definitely has vascular difficulties too (vascular difficulties include dvt and blocked artery in his leg). We have lived together for 15 years and married in 2010. He has had dementia for the last 2 years but I was so busy caring for my elderly parents who died in 2016 and 2017 respectively that I didn't really face it till last year. Now he seems to be deteriorating fast. We will be private funders, or whatever the term is, so I know I soon need to look at care at home and care homes (as I did with my parents).

My question is this - what do I do about alcohol? For the last month I have been buying eisburg (alcohol free wine) and diluting his ordinary wine so that he drinks less alcohol. I can't honestly see any difference in his behaviour except deterioration, which was happening anyway. He drinks a bottle of eisburg a day now so I reckon I am saving him 8 units, so lets say he now is drinking just over 50 units a week. (We live near cafes, wine bars and pubs and this is his greatest joy in life, walking there for a drink - he also can buy stuff in the supermarket so my best trick is to keep his diluted stuff in the fridge for when he is at home).

Am I doing the right thing? Or should I let him drink himself to death? How do you stop an alcoholic of 68 who doesn't think he is a heavy drinker? Are there any care homes who would accept him with this problem? Does desire for alcohol diminish as this awful disease progresses?

Thank you for listening, and I hope I get some responses.

 

[marionq]

This is not one I've had to deal with so I'm sure others will have more to say. Meantime I think you're doing all that you realistically can. Not easy.

 

[Cat27]

Welcome to TP

I think you’ll find this thread interesting https://forum.alzheimers.org.uk/threads/pulling-everything-together.107571/

This factsheet explains it well https://www.alzheimers.org.uk/sites...heet_what_is_alcohol-related_brain_damage.pdf

 

[karaokePete]

Hello @somewhat despairing, welcome to TP from me too.

You are doing what many of us have to do with alcohol(alco free/diluting etc). It's a very difficult issue. As you have found the dementia will progress regardless but I found it's still worth it to curtail the alcohol to keep my own life more bearable.

Do keep posting for information and support.

 

[Grahamstown]

@somewhat despairing I understand what you are saying and don’t have a satisfactory answer. My husband has a diagnosis of Alzheimer’s disease late onset as he is 10 years older than your OH and in an early stage. He has been put on donepezil and alcohol is definitely contraindicated for this drug, because it won’t work well with alcohol, in fact quite the opposite. He has always enjoyed his drinks in the evening and I have had a dreadful time trying to wean him off going to the pub, drinking too much when out with friends and at home before I got it all out of the house. He collapsed and was taken into hospital in February, probably alcohol related but I wasn’t with him. I still have to remind him every night that he is on pills and that the doctor has said he should not drink. He obsesses about drinking because it is all around us all the time in our society. So although our situation is different from yours, I have wrestled with the same question, should I just let him be happy and drink whatever he wants or try to keep him as well as possible for as long as possible. I have decided to try to stop him at the moment and as a result I cannot leave him alone after about 4pm. We have a range of nonalcoholic beer and wine for him to drink but night after night I have to persuade him not to go to the pub just around the corner, by fair means or foul. We can still live a life although I find it a strain and wearing so the answer lies in how much of a life you can lead and how stressful is it to you to try and stop him. I am sure you will get advice on here because there is a wealth of experience.

 

[Grahamstown]

I have just re-read my thread ‘Pulling it all together’ which @Cat27 referred to above, to see what I said back in February. Four months on and 8 weeks on donepezil and I can see that my efforts to keep him off alcohol are paying off because he isn’t quite as bad as he was then, he can retain recent new information, only previous memories are irretrievable. Either I am getting used to it or he really is a bit better, either way I can manage at the moment. I do hope you can get some idea of how much you are able to do in order to help your OH one way or another @somewhat despairing

 

[somewhat despairing]

Thank you all very much for replying, and how good Grahamstown that your vigilance over 4 months has paid off a bit. It was really interesting to go through that thread Cat27 so thanks for that - although I have seen the A Soc alcohol related brain damage pamphlet before and I think its somewhat confusing - but maybe I am being defensive. Or in denial. As Grahamstown said alcohol is all around us in society and I certainly know other guys who drink as much as my OH and who haven't (yet) got struck down the way he has.

I said that cutting down his alcohol intake by approximately half had not resulted in changes in behaviour but thinking about it he IS definitely less happy and this weekend my friend noticed aggression which is something she said she has never seen before.

But I will persevere as much as I can - To be honest I can't see that 'drinking himself to death' is an "easy" option either. If only there was something other than drinking that interested him....

 

[Grahamstown]

Thank you all very much for replying, and how good Grahamstown that your vigilance over 4 months has paid off a bit. It was really interesting to go through that thread Cat27 so thanks for that - although I have seen the A Soc alcohol related brain damage pamphlet before and I think its somewhat confusing - but maybe I am being defensive. Or in denial. As Grahamstown said alcohol is all around us in society and I certainly know other guys who drink as much as my OH and who haven't (yet) got struck down the way he has.

I said that cutting down his alcohol intake by approximately half had not resulted in changes in behaviour but thinking about it he IS definitely less happy and this weekend my friend noticed aggression which is something she said she has never seen before.

But I will persevere as much as I can - To be honest I can't see that 'drinking himself to death' is an "easy" option either. If only there was something other than drinking that interested him....

My OH says he likes to drink and it doesn’t do him any harm and cheers him up. He is obsessed by talking about it, saying that ‘those people are drinking’ watching people outside pubs all drinking away and can’t see why he can’t. I know it affects him quite quickly and he is so much better and more calm, sleeps better when he has been alcohol free, and he doesn’t drink a huge amount, a little is enough because it just damages him. We are between a rock and a hard place on the question of whether to try and control it or let it run its course. You are so right that there is no easy answer, we are just trying to keep them from damaging themselves too much. I can use the alcohol doesn’t mix with the pills argument which does work most of the time, but it is a struggle and sometimes I wilt and give up. Also my OH has lost interest in everything unless I take him or push him, and would sit at home every evening from about 4pm drinking away.