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Alcohol amnesia

Long journey ahead

Registered User
Mar 28, 2020
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My husband was diagnosed with alcohol amnesia in May last year but won't accept it. He refuses to stop drinking and won't liaise with his docter.
He drinks around 20 bottles of strong beer a day.
I am trying to understand what his prognosis could be. There doesnt seem to be much information about this subject.
Does anybody's know much about it please?
 

Bunpoots

Volunteer Host
Apr 1, 2016
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Nottinghamshire
Hi @Long journey ahead . I don’t know much about alcohol related dementia but have seen it mentioned on this forum. I vaguely know someone who has the condition and understand, from his brother, that when he doesn’t drink his symptoms more or less disappear. The problem is he continues to drink...

Is there anyway your husband could be fooled into accepting alcohol free beer? I’m sure you know the prognosis is not good if he keeps drinking.
 

jaymor

Volunteer Moderator
Jul 14, 2006
13,723
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England


these are two of AS fact sheets relating to alcohol @Long journey ahead
 
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Long journey ahead

Registered User
Mar 28, 2020
62
0
Hi @Long journey ahead . I don’t know much about alcohol related dementia but have seen it mentioned on this forum. I vaguely know someone who has the condition and understand, from his brother, that when he doesn’t drink his symptoms more or less disappear. The problem is he continues to drink...

Is there anyway your husband could be fooled into accepting alcohol free beer? I’m sure you know the prognosis is not good if he keeps drinking.
He gets terrible withdrawals if he doesn't drink. He ended up in hospital in August because he was so withdrawn. He had pabrinex and lubrium.
He can't win now and won't accept professional detox.
 

Bunpoots

Volunteer Host
Apr 1, 2016
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Nottinghamshire
I think my friend's brother has similar problems. He'll give up drinking for a few days then crash back into it. It's very sad for his family who can't persuade him to get help either. I hope your husband will see sense eventually but to be honest I doubt he will unless it's forced on him by another crisis.

How are you coping? Do you have family and friends to support you?
 

Long journey ahead

Registered User
Mar 28, 2020
62
0
I think my friend's brother has similar problems. He'll give up drinking for a few days then crash back into it. It's very sad for his family who can't persuade him to get help either. I hope your husband will see sense eventually but to be honest I doubt he will unless it's forced on him by another crisis.

How are you coping? Do you have family and friends to support you?
I think it will take a crisis to make him see what he is doing to hinself.
I try not to focus on how much he drinks because it upsets me. He sleeps until lunch every day now and doesn't take care of himself.
Every day is like a ticking time bomb wondering what will happen today. Will he be so I'll that he has to go to hospital. He hasn't eaten enough for over a month now.
I feel it will be soon. It's very scary
 

Bunpoots

Volunteer Host
Apr 1, 2016
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Nottinghamshire
It must be very frustrating and worrying for you having to watch his self-destructive behaviour @Long journey ahead . I'm sorry I can't offer any practical solutions but I'm glad you've found the forum. I found it to be a massive emotional support when I was struggling and I hope you will too. There will always be someone around to chat to when you're feeling overwhelmed.
 

My Mum's Daughter

Registered User
Feb 8, 2020
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It was different for me, I had a young family and a husband who was bleeding me dry, both emotionally and financially.

I'm not sure if this is what you want to hear so I'll just say that I left a long time ago,
 

Long journey ahead

Registered User
Mar 28, 2020
62
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We have to do what is right for us. I am hoping I can care for him as long as possible but it does drain all my emotions and his family don't help.
His kids came for 30 mins on xmas day and left in tears.
They can't cope with him.
His daughter said if I pay for her daughter to go into nursery she will sit with him while I go shopping.
Why can't she help at the weekend when her husband is home?
 

Weasell

Registered User
Oct 21, 2019
1,282
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We have to do what is right for us. I am hoping I can care for him as long as possible but it does drain all my emotions and his family don't help.
His kids came for 30 mins on xmas day and left in tears.
They can't cope with him.
His daughter said if I pay for her daughter to go into nursery she will sit with him while I go shopping.
Why can't she help at the weekend when her husband is home?
Has he reached retirement age?
would you be able to claim attendance allowance for him?
That money could be used to buy you a tiny bit of freedom while she sits with him!
 

Long journey ahead

Registered User
Mar 28, 2020
62
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He is 57 but retired 2 years ago. He was struggling to hold a job.
I claimed PIP for him. That pays for his addiction and loss of income.
I work 3 days a week at home.
It's more a principle thing than money. Why would his daughter not want to spend time with him?
I don't think he will be alive much longer now he isn't eating.
 

Weasell

Registered User
Oct 21, 2019
1,282
0
He is 57 but retired 2 years ago. He was struggling to hold a job.
I claimed PIP for him. That pays for his addiction and loss of income.
I work 3 days a week at home.
It's more a principle thing than money. Why would his daughter not want to spend time with him?
I don't think he will be alive much longer now he isn't eating.
Try not to get too cross with the daughter.
Dont forget what happens behind closed doors is not communicated with the rest of the world, and we can sometimes misguidedly think other peoples lives are far more perfect than they are!

It may be that the jolly husband of hers is actually operating on a very short fuse, and it truth she doesn’t want to leave a very trying toddler in his care for several hours.
You have so much on your plate. I wish I could think of another benefit that would get a little money ? I will continue thinking!
 

big l

Registered User
Aug 15, 2015
71
0
I suspect he reason your daughter doesn't want to spend time with her father is that when the problem is right in your face and you see how its affected your mother... she finds it hard to forgive? You committed with your marriage vows, but all she wanted, and deserved, was a father that put her and her family first. Before you think I'm brutal my daughter's husband drank himself to death, destroying the lives of three people on the way. You obviously are committed to your husband, but you have a daughter who is also committed by default. It wasn't her choice to have a father with a drink problem, and seeing it destroy him must be unbearable. It was your choice to tolerate and accept your husband's drinking, your daughter had no choice.
 

big l

Registered User
Aug 15, 2015
71
0
My heart was so affected by your post, I failed to show compassion to you and your dilemma, I live with the effects of alcohol misuse in my OH (vasc D and Alz) too and sometimes it makes me angry and thoughtless, sorry.
 

Long journey ahead

Registered User
Mar 28, 2020
62
0
No need to be sorry. It sometimes help to put things down in words.
I am glad you reminded me his daughter has her own feelings. She is not my daughter. Her mother left him about 17 years ago. She had an affair with the daughters sports teacher.
He hasn't had it easy
 

Long journey ahead

Registered User
Mar 28, 2020
62
0
Can you recommend a personal alarm suitable for someone sufering with dementia giving us peace of mind while we go out please?
 

Bod

Registered User
Aug 30, 2013
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I can only offer this, who buys his beer?
Could you take over the buying?
Buy 19 bottles this week, next month buy 18, month after 17 etc.
There will be no quick easy fix, you've had one crisis, it's just time till the next, but next time you know better how to deal with it.

Bod.
 

Long journey ahead

Registered User
Mar 28, 2020
62
0
Hi Bod
I buy his beers. I started in March doing this and managed to get him down to 12 bottles a day within a couple of months.
He waited while I got in the bath and took the car out after 12 bottles.
I had to call the police. It caused a skuffle as you can imagine.
he tells me he is in control, but the beer now controls him.
He became so unwell when he doesnt get enough.
he had to be admitted to hospital in August on a drip of pabrinex and lithium.
he is in danger of seizure which is scary especially with the pandemic.
I don't know how to encourage him to go into a detox hospital??
 

Weasell

Registered User
Oct 21, 2019
1,282
0
Can you recommend a personal alarm suitable for someone sufering with dementia giving us peace of mind while we go out please?
Depends exactly what you want.
You need a broadband package to run my kit which is
A YI camera ( so cheap on Amazon, best bit of kit I have) It messages your mobile when the beam is broken and shows you a short clip.
A ring doorbell

I also have a carelink service ( press the pendant if you fall) it has a quite expensive subscription each year.

It may be worth talking to social services.
They instal some quite advanced systems for some people.
Hive do a system better than mine but costs more.
People also fit systems that alarm when the door is opened.
 

Long journey ahead

Registered User
Mar 28, 2020
62
0
I have just got a panic button for mum , but I think Stephen will get confused what it is.
I think it would be best to speak with social services as I have care package. See what she recommends.
The alarm on the door sounds good u will look into it thank you