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Alan has forgotten how to make tea

Discussion in 'ARCHIVE FORUM: Support discussions' started by helen.tomlinson, May 9, 2008.

  1. helen.tomlinson

    helen.tomlinson Registered User

    Mar 27, 2008
    541
    :eek: Oh dear, yesterday Alan brought me a cup of tea which looked like gnats pee (whatever that is supposed to look like). He has always made me a cup of tea in the afternoon or early evening and this time he said he couldn't remember what to do:eek::eek::confused:

    I will ask him again later today to see whether it was just one of those days or whether this ability has disappeared into the abyss. Please not!! He has mowed the lawns this morning and everything seems fine. It is so hard to accept. Life just seems normal then something happens to tell me that it isn't:(
     
  2. Nebiroth

    Nebiroth Registered User

    Aug 20, 2006
    3,518
    I know how you feel.

    I think most carers tend to fool themselves that things aren't really getting worse, until suddenly, they are slammed right between the eyes with something new that shows things are getting worse.

    I think that denial is a basic human response to the intolerable.

    It's heartbreaking, isn't it?

    I felt the same way the other night when my Dad wanted go to the loo and asked "where do I go?". He will also occasionaly ask, when it is time to go to bed "what bedroom do I go to? Which bed do I sleep in?"
     
  3. christine_batch

    christine_batch Registered User

    Jul 31, 2007
    3,388
    Buckinghamshire
    Dear Helen,
    Peter was a big tea drinker and he would always make me a cup of tea.
    One day, cup of "tea" white cold water !!!
    I had to turn it into a joke and for a while, went step by step through everything with him.
    For a while afterwards, Peter was fine.
    You said that Alan was gardening. Perhaps being tired from that his concentration was a little below par.
    What you have noticed to-day, try not to panic (hard I know) but he will probably make you a proper cup of tea tomorrow.

    Love & best wishes
    Christine
     
  4. connie

    connie Registered User

    Mar 7, 2004
    9,519
    Frinton-on-Sea
    Dear Helen, I think Christine's post is spot on

    It is no good deluding ourselves that their lives will not alter and deteriorate,, but not necessarily overnight. Tomorrow Alan may well function more normally.

    I drank many a 'strange' cup of tea before Lionel finally lost all ability. All part of the good day, bad day syndrome.

    Take care now.
     
  5. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    68,721
    Kent
    I`m sorry Helen, it must have been a shock to you.

    As Christine said, Alan could have been overtired and may make you a beautiful cup of tea tomorrow.

    Dhiren still makes tea and coffee but sometimes they are very strange.

    I was watching him one day and when the kettle started to `sing` he thought it was boiling.

    Another day he was distraced, left two cups cooling on the worktop, and then heated them in the microwave.

    Please let us know if Alan makes good tea tomorrow.

    Love xx
     
  6. christine_batch

    christine_batch Registered User

    Jul 31, 2007
    3,388
    Buckinghamshire
    Dear Helen,
    You reminded me of a "funny episode" about the tea making.
    One day, Peter brought me a cup of tea and the milk was off!!!
    He was waiting for me to take a drink and when I said the milk is off - he said "I know" !!!
    Take care and tomorrow is another day.
    Love from
    Christine
     
  7. Natashalou

    Natashalou Registered User

    Mar 22, 2007
    426
    london
    Tea

    My mother made tea for some time by putting tea bags into the kettle and boiling it! Ages went by before anyone actually realised..she simply poured the ready made tea straight from the kettle. It worked well and no harm was done!!:D
     
  8. LIZ50

    LIZ50 Registered User

    Mar 23, 2008
    56
    Hampshire
    Hi Helen

    Just hoping that Alan had an 'off' day and is still able to make you a cup of tea but I can appreciate how hard it must have been for you when that happened.
    Isn't it strange how dementia varies so much? If mum is up before me in the morning she always makes herself a cup of tea but if I come down and ask for a cup as well she seems to completely blank me or goes into a panic. It's almost as if she can only register making herself a cup of tea so I wait until she is done then make myself one. Then she will not even think about making another one for the rest of the day! She knows she is thirsty because she goes and has little sips of water every now and then and she asks me for cups of tea but if I suggest her making a cup then the shutters come down again and the blank look is there but as soon as a cup of tea is placed in front of her she always drinks it. I guess I've accepted that mum may never make me another cup of tea again.
    Oh well, such is life but we have to keep smiling somehow.
    Love Liz x
     
  9. zoet

    zoet Registered User

    Awww Helen, I hope Alan regains his tea-making skills tomorrow...you never know, it could just be a bit of a blip for today.
    My dad (also called Alan) now makes tea in the kettle! Seven tea bags and a sachet of Fibogel seem to be the current recipe. Its a ****** to clean I can tell you!
    I tried explaining the concept of a tea pot, and proudly bought him one the other day, which he seemed very pleased with and looked on interestedly when I showed him how it "worked".
    He then proceeded to open a kitchen cupboard and showed me his fine collection of 4...yes FOUR... blumming tea pots he owns and never uses!!!!:D:D:D He must have seen my disappointed look because he said "Of course, this one's much better..Im sure I'll use it".
    Today, it stands pride of place next to the kettle....the slimy sludge-filled kettle he still makes his tea in!:D Oh well....cant win em all eh! xx
     
  10. connie

    connie Registered User

    Mar 7, 2004
    9,519
    Frinton-on-Sea
    Liz, only my own observations whilst living with Lionel during various stages of this illness.

    Some things, for a long while, were automatic.......like making tea or coffee, but only at his instigation. Even then it could be hit or miss.

    If I asked him to do anything it was as if I was putting him under pressure to 'perform'. He explained to me once that when he knew he had to do something, it was like his whole brain short circuited.:confused:
     
  11. helen.tomlinson

    helen.tomlinson Registered User

    Mar 27, 2008
    541
    Hi everyone

    I thought I'd ask Alan to make me a cup of tea later this afternoon and he did:) Yes it was a shock when he couldn't but each time something happens it's like I get prepared in my own head. All your comments help me to get my head round it - like the good day/bad day thing. It sounds so simple but I forgot it's like that sometimes. I also noted the overtired thing. Alan was saying that he was tired but I just took it that he was tired and didn't realise that tiredness might affect his cognitive abilities!

    He's had more days than bad just recently so I am grateful for that. I really, really don't want things to change.

    Thanks everyone

    Love Helen
     
  12. lesmisralbles

    lesmisralbles Account Closed

    Nov 23, 2007
    5,543
    Hi Helen

    If Ron is tired, he cannot do anything. And over the past year or so I have recognised when he is tired.
    I only ask Ron to do anything when I know he is alert, getting less and less now.
    Ron tried to make himself a cup of tea a few day's ago, he got a crystal glass and put a tea bag in it, thank goodness I stopped it happening. But, I could see why he had done that. I now make him tea in a children's plastic beaker with a lid on it, and a straw that goes down the middle. Ron must have thought this was glass ?? Hence, the glass.
    Barb XX
     
  13. ChrisH

    ChrisH Registered User

    Apr 16, 2008
    281
    Devon, England
    Hi all

    I think tea making may be going out the window with my mum too. Whenever I go up poor mum has to contend with remembering that I only drink Earl Grey. She has a special tin with my teabags in and usually remembers she's got them but I've realised it's getting a bit much for her to remember that you don't put milk in EG tea (or I don't at least). Her OT and support worker have always said she's made them nice cups of tea but I have heard her friends say that they sometimes get luke warm tea - very unusual for my mum who always had a cast iron mouth when it came to tea temperature.
    Mum also seems to have lost her sense of smell. Her friend said she had to throw out a load of food from the fridge because it had gone off and mum was totally oblivious to the fact the fridge reeked. Is loss of smell a common symptom of this disease?

    Chris
     
  14. Canadian Joanne

    Canadian Joanne Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 8, 2005
    15,990
    Toronto, Canada
    Chris,
    This does seem to occur in a fair amount of people. How or why I don't know but I have heard several people say so. My mother was completely oblivious to her own incredibly reeking body odor. I mean, I was able to smell her body odor and bad breath from six feet away.

    I suspect our sense of smell, like our other senses, deterioriates with age. I mean, how many older people have you heard saying "The food isn't as good as it used to be" when it's their senses of smells and taste which aren't what they used to be. In AD, perhaps the perception of smells is distorted. Just a thought.
     
  15. jackie1

    jackie1 Registered User

    Jun 6, 2007
    238
    Cheshire
    John will occasionally present me with a cup of tea in the morning (before az I got one every morning). There is usually only an inch in the bottom and it tastes dreadful. So I just say thank you and pour it away asap!
     
  16. amberence

    amberence Registered User

    Mar 15, 2008
    28
    Barton upon Humber
    My mum used to make a good cup of tea and nothing better than seeing her bring it out into the garden to me but them days long gone. Sunday always a bad day for me as both mum and step-father together cookeed a lovely Sunday dinner for us all to enjoy which I miss.

    But as pointed out previously on this forum, enjoy and look back at those moments and treasure the memories rather than grieve for the past.

    I personally knew and had an idea both mum and step-father possibly had dementia when mum told my step-dad was time to go and collect their pension from Post Office ... unfortunately a Sunday when it happened, and he couldn't remember whether they were closed and not collected them, or lost their pensions completely on the way home.

    Keith.
     
  17. Auntiep

    Auntiep Registered User

    Apr 14, 2008
    230
    Midlands
    It's not just me!

    Thanks for these posts. Similar things have been happening with my Mum, who is still in the early stages of VAD. She's still able to cook some things, but has been putting some really strange combinations together - putting beef and chicken together, and forgetting what do do with scones, ie where the jam goes...!!

    She's forgotton how to do a lot of things though, like making cakes, which is so sad, because they were a legend amongst my friend. I'm glad I managed to learn from her when I was young.

    It really helps to know others are going through similar experiences and understand how it feels, even the simple things.

    Thanks again

    Auntie P xx
     
  18. helen.tomlinson

    helen.tomlinson Registered User

    Mar 27, 2008
    541
    I've just remembered something that happened a few months back. Alan and I went into Derbyshire for a day out and we were having a lovely lunch in a restaurant. Alan had a spare butter pat which he didn't need but he was obsessed with using it and wanted to put it into his coffee :eek: I caught him doing this and stopped him and placed it to one side. Some time later I went to the loo and when I came back he had the butter floating in his coffee :eek: Nothing like this had ever happened before and not since - I'd quite forgotten it until these posts.

    Love Helen
     
  19. Sarah217

    Sarah217 Registered User

    May 12, 2008
    4
    Hertfordshire
    I've made my grandad something we call a memory sheet with pictures of the steps to make his tea.

    That I know of, he's not had any difficulties remembering the process yet but he can sometimes forget his sugar and then he gets cross with himself. If he has something to follow, it becomes easier to do successfully.
     
  20. wedge

    wedge Registered User

    Jan 14, 2008
    15
    egham surrey
    Forgotten how to make tea

    Hi Helen,

    I think your husband must be arround the same stage as mine. Bob always made my tea morning afternoon evening, then suddenly last week he forgot what to do. It comes back some days and some days it doesn't. I know how you feel everything that happens like that makes you realise you cant do anything to stop this awful illness, I have cried so many tears over that ****** tea!

    We are off to Italy on holiday this week and I am really nervous about being away since the tea making problems, as you say does it mean this is the next stage and what will happen next?

    My husband is also having panic attacks suddenly, he realises of course that he is getting worse and he also is afraid.

    It helps to share these experiences

    Wendy
     

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