1. XlittlebearX

    XlittlebearX Registered User

    Oct 11, 2006
    1
    West of Scotland
    hi, i'm new here, i just thought this would be a good way to write down how i'm feeling at present.I don't think i can talk to anyone around me at the moment about it all.
    My papa, has only just recently been diagnosed with dementia, we had our suspicions all along though.Through problems of blood in the urine and incontinance, he now has a cathater .He has sleepless nights and my uncle and gran have taken to sleeping on a couch beside his bed at night, as we have had numerous accidents from him trying to pull his cathater out, to putting rubber bands round where they really shouldn't be. He does not know my uncle anymore and refers to my gran as "the woman round the house," but yet he knows who i am and my mum and we don't see him everyday.On top of all that, theres problems between my mum and my uncle, they now hate each other (well most of the family have turned against him now from reasons i don't really want to discuss) and my gran has taken my uncles side as he has always been the spoilt one in the family. i don't agree with the way she treats my papa, as she shouts at him, i guess it's her way of coping and i can understand she must get abit agitated at times but i don't feel it is the right way 2 treat him.
    i don't know, i'm just finding it all hard, i don't feel like i can talk to anyone in my family, i don't feel my friends will understand and i don't want to keep burdening my best friend with all my problems like i want attention. which i really don't! I just keep thinking of when i was young n it makes me sad that, the papa i knew then is no longer here. i want to cry everytime i see him but i know i can't as i have to be strong for my mum
     
  2. Amy

    Amy Registered User

    Jan 4, 2006
    3,453
    Hiya xlittlebearx,
    Well you have come to the place where you don't have to be strong - or maybe the place where by admitting our weakness we find new strength.
    It must hurt when your grandma shouts at your papa; the only consolation is that it probably hurts you more than it does him. Has she always shouted at him - even before he was unwell? Is she like it with other people - is it her way of relating to others? It doesn't make it right, but more understandable. It is so difficult to stand back and see the person we love, being treated in a way that we don't agree with - when you are there can you diffuse her shouting a little?

    It is OK to cry for your papa and feel sad - I think with alzheimers and dementia we have years of grieving, as the person we love slowly changes. But your papa is still there, and he still needs your love.
    Welcome to TP, and please post whenever you want to.
    Love Helen
     

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