1. Familyfor

    Familyfor Registered User

    Jun 25, 2012
    #1 Familyfor, Apr 16, 2013
    Last edited: Apr 16, 2013
    Hello,my wife has advancing vascular dementia and we have a team of carers who come for an hour every morning and night to help washing ,dressing and application of barrier creams etc,they also come for longer periods some days to give me a break.
    Recently my wife has been agressive to them when they try to help her,and last night she would not let them near her,to help undress.
    After an hour I said to let her go to bed with her clothes on,this is the first time for this to happen.
    This morning she was a bit better and let the carer help.
    She is OK with me and usually calms down,but not last night.
    I am waiting for our GP to call me,to see if there is some medication that may help.
    She was on a low dose of mild anti-depressant but the pschiatiric doctor at the assessment hospital took her off these after ten days,but that was several months ago.
    We try to get out and about as much as possible,and also have a large garden which one of the carers will help with ,"assisting" my wife.
    Has anyone got any answers to help with this agression problem?
  2. rjm

    rjm Registered User

    Jun 19, 2012
    Ontario, Canada
    I'm afraid there is no straight forward answer. There are a number of approaches that can be tried, behaviour modification, environmental modification, anti-depressants, anti-psychotics. Some of these work wonders for some people, and for others they do very little. There is a factsheet on Aggressive Behaviour, if you haven't seen it yet it may be a help to you.

    hope you can find something that helps.
  3. Familyfor

    Familyfor Registered User

    Jun 25, 2012
    Thank you Richard,I have already seen the factsheet,and saved it as it is very helpful.
    I think the main problem is that little by little she is losing her indepence, and it hurts her a lot.
    I'm not sure drugs are the way forward, but still waiting to hear from our GP.
  4. 2jays

    2jays Registered User

    Jun 4, 2010
    West Midlands
    Do you think she may have an UTI (urine infection) it can make my mum aggressive sometimes.
  5. Familyfor

    Familyfor Registered User

    Jun 25, 2012
    She has had one recently but it is now cleared up.
    I have one right now,first time in 70 years and am on a massive dose of antibiotics,which finsh in a couple of days.
    I feel a bit groggy,and what with this recent episode a bit run down.
    But---the sun is shining and we've been sitting in the garden enjoying a cup of tea.
    Now onto the cooking.:)which I've been doing since Dora had a stroke 5 years ago,but I enjoy cooking so it is not a problem.
  6. happisoo

    happisoo Registered User

    Dec 10, 2009
    north wales
    I want to say how much I feel for you as my mum did exactly the same thing. One day she just wouldn't let me help her get washed after I'd noticed she seemed somewhat confused around the task. It is, I'm afraid difficult to stop this. All I can say is that we adopted the policy of washing her at least twice a week (not incontinent at this point) and letting her go to bed in whatever she was easiest for her, and therefore me/carer. Once the incontinence started we had more battles but sometimes once she refused, I would leave the bathroom and come back a few minutes later whereby she was more interested in getting washed. Sometimes it worked sometimes it didn't. Sometimes I tried singing a silly song whilst attempting her to wash or telling a few jokes just to distract her! Good luck. I can tell you love her very much.
  7. kingmidas1962

    kingmidas1962 Registered User

    Jun 10, 2012
    South Gloucs
    I'm afraid I dont have any very useful advice to offer - I just wanted to say 'hello' and that you sound like a lovely, lovely chap!

    Antidepressants can take a LONG time to work so unless she had an adverse reaction to them I'm surprised she was taken off them so quickly.

    I hope you find something that works for you and your wife - she is a lucky lady. I hope you feel better soon :)
  8. treecol

    treecol Registered User

    Mar 22, 2013
    Going through the same with my Dad. He is very verbally aggressive with me. I limit what I need to get him to do to only essential things, washing, eating & drinking but he still is very challenging with these. I'm waiting for SS to tell me what they suggest is done about his behaviour to enable him to come home from hospital, so I will post what they say - perhaps then some of their info will help you. Until then sorry I can't help more.
  9. dotty12

    dotty12 Registered User

    Jan 23, 2013
    Hello FamilyFor:) This sounds similar to my mum who has started becoming angry at the mention of showering. What works with her is agreeing with her at the time that she doesn't have to wash and then suggesting the next day that she may like a lovely warm shower - she has usually forgotten the anger the day before and says 'oh yes that will be lovely!' This is particularly dificult for you if you are feeling groggy yourself! Roll on summer:)
  10. FifiMo

    FifiMo Registered User

    Feb 10, 2010
    Hiya Familyfor,

    I think you did the right thing in the circumstances. In my experience you have to choose your battles and if something is not so big an issue then let it slide immediately. To me this is one of the stages which has the means to escalate to levels that can destroy the relationship as the person becomes fixated on something you said or did and their perception of them having somehow been wronged. Of course there will be matters of say, safety, which you aren't able to be accommodating but everything else, in the grand scheme of things may not matter. Let her sleep in her clothes if this saves distress. Let her miss the shower, perhaps in return to her at least changing her clothes today so you can do the laundry.

    One thing that you might want to ponder is that you talk of being as active as possible...out in the garden etc. could it ne that she is perhaps becoming over tired and this in turn makes her less able to be amenable.

    You mention the recent UTI ... It is worth getting this tested again. Sometimes they give broad spectrum antibiotics and initially there appears to be an improvement only to find that it returns very quickly and requires a more tailored antibiotic in order to get it to clear up entirely.

  11. tomkitten16

    tomkitten16 Registered User

    Sep 24, 2012
    Our mum has vas d and in a ch since oct2012- if she won't get undressed for bed and swears:eek::eek:at the staff(she never behaved like that before dementia) ,the staff leave her fully clothed and try again the next morning.I spoke to the staff and some people hate getting dressed others getting undressed.lorraine x

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