• Expert Q&A: Rare dementias - Tues 3 March, 3-4pm

    Our next expert Q&A will be on the topic of rare dementias. It will be hosted by Nikki and Seb from Rare Dementia Support. If you have any questions about rare dementias, they will be here to answer them on Tuesday 3 March between 3-4pm.

    You can either post your question >here< or email them to us at talkingpoint@alzheimers.org.uk and we'll be happy to ask them on your behalf.

agression be it verble

bel

Registered User
Apr 26, 2006
757
coventry
i have tried and tried for months now bob and i have talked about it often he cant help it i know and i feel guilty
but he was very angry with me again tonight shouting instead of talking
i got totaly confused did not know wether i comming or going
put my hands on my ears to shut out the shouting
he said here we go again i said i cant continue to talk i will cry
went down stairs i have never done it before
time out so they all keep saying
we talked later he needs a mild relaxent
love bel x
 

helen.tomlinson

Registered User
Mar 27, 2008
541
Hello Bel

Well done for doing something you've never done before -you took time out and went downstairs. I think that's great. Actually I think doing something different is brave and all of us on TP are doing very brave things at times. I'm just learning and Alan hasn't got to that angry/aggressive stage (don't know if he ever will) but Silvergoblin talks about all the stages her father has gone through. She talked about him having gone through the angry/aggressive stage so I gather it must be something that passes??!! It must be really horrible whilst it's present though (even more difficult for those that don't do anger anyway). Anyway, glad you managed to get that time out.

Love Helen
 

Brucie

Registered User
Jan 31, 2004
12,413
near London
Hello Bel

there does come a point where we have to remove ourselves from particular situations, to regroup.
went down stairs i have never done it before
I used to walk 300 feet down the garden into the woods and just stand there for 10-15 minutes, often shaking. Sometimes I would phone someone from down there to get a grip on reality.

If it helps us, it helps them, so it is absolutely right to do it.
 

hendy

Registered User
Feb 20, 2008
506
West Yorkshire
Dear Bel
"We talked about it later he needs a relaxant"

Does this mean Bob was asking for some extra help Bel? Have the medics suggested something like this to help Bob with his aggression?

I think you've done well to find a coping strategy which will help during the difficult moments. But it seems like a short term solution, do you need to consider other things for the medium/long term?
Hows the shop going? I hope your thumbs and hips are feeling better?
take care
hendy
 

Skye

Registered User
Aug 29, 2006
17,000
SW Scotland
Dear Bel

Well done for walking away, you did exactly the right thing.

But please ask for some help, either from your SW or from the doctor.

If Bob has started to be verbally aggressive, it's going to happen again, and you're not strong enough, sweetheart. Please ask for help.

Love and hugs,
 

bel

Registered User
Apr 26, 2006
757
coventry
as always thanks a million all you are such tresures

connie social worker nice lady but as far as we are concerned waste of space she is failing us and knows it 3 times in 3 years is stupid visiting psycologist agrees says its cos its wrong but there is not enough staff so they treat the worse cases first i said i understand but if they are not here for me now when i cant just about cope where will they be when i cant she says i will make sure they support you its not fair how you are being treated but this is off the record bob has fld
it might be a help to others in same position have only just found a site for fld a lot diffrent from alz might help others re hip and thumbs scan on may 1st re op pain killers are no longer working enough went to docs today gave me morphine patches within an hour i felt zonky took it of i cant look after bob and run a bussines like that i will have to put up with pain till scans love belx
 

Grannie G

Volunteer Moderator
Apr 3, 2006
70,405
Kent
Oh bel that`s awful.
You are being overlooked because you don`t complain loud enough. How can you be given morphine patches that dope you, when you have a business to run and are a full time carer for Bob.
You should ask the doctor that.
Love xx
 

bel

Registered User
Apr 26, 2006
757
coventry
thanks all bobs nurse phoned today

he is going to stop aricept altogether
apparantly it can just increas aggresion in ftd
i was rambling i know i the phone to her trying to stress how bad the situation is she says i will speak to consutant and ring you back she did thank god i have to pick up anti pscotic tabs tommorrow she said sw will call to see me hip hip horray

she could not fail to pick up on the desperation i am feeling even my daughter said i can see a big diffrence in dad
visiting psycologist came in the afternoon i usually hold back a bit but she could see i said he is getting worse re agression i dont find it easy to say but i cant carry on like this i hate my self for saying it
he is like a mad man she is good bless she had tears in her own eyes sorry cant go on love belx
 

Grannie G

Volunteer Moderator
Apr 3, 2006
70,405
Kent
Bel I do hope the new drugs work for Bob. I will be keeping everything crossed for you both.
Love xx
 

Skye

Registered User
Aug 29, 2006
17,000
SW Scotland
Dear bel

Well done for being able to give the true picture, I know how difficult that was for you.

I'm sure the anti-psychotics will calm Bob down, and the good thing is that the consultant and CPN will have to monitor him more closely while he is on the drugs, so that you won't have to go through it all again.

I hope you'll soon be able to relax a bit.

Love and hugs,
 

andrear

Registered User
Feb 13, 2008
402
Yorkshire
Dear Bel

I am going through the aggression and verbal abuse (if am allowed to call it that) with my dad at present. Its really an awful situation to be in. A couple of weeks ago he pushed me out of the bungalow he lives in because I had had to take mum to see her specialist and he seemed to think I had taken her away from him.
When I got back to the house with mum he was still looking out of the front window and had indeed been there for the last couple of hours (looking for mum, his safety net).
As soon, as we pulled up outside, he ran down the drive, took mum really carefully into the house, came back and started shouting and hitting me because I had taken her away from him.
I was so distraught, I really didn't know what to do. I went into the house and he started again. So, off I went, yet, when I came back later he was dusting and thought I had only just got there! Mum was distraught, I was covered in bruises.
What a lovely life we lead!!!
Take care of yourself, I don't know if it will pass, but we have to have some faith!
Andrea
 

bel

Registered User
Apr 26, 2006
757
coventry
thanks and love to you all bob took his first tablet tonight

we always go down to our local for an hour wednesday and thursday
bob loves the interation
sorry i could not wait to get him back home
cos i know he is better with what he knows
and he repeats the same thing over and over again
i am concerned how the new tablets will afect him
i would rather keep an eye on him
love bel x
 

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