Agitation

[sandy25]

My dad's new symptoms are constantly wondering around, and being agititated. Theres nothing much left round the house now that he's capable of doing. So he's basically following my mum round all day and not sleeping.
Hes not v.good now at going to the toilet on his own.
What sort of things are you meant to do in the daytime to keep him occupied?!
TV doesn't keep him occupied anymore.
Books/Music/puzzles/housework he's no longer able to do.
But he gets quite confused when he's away from the house - so taking him out places just makes it worse.
God knows what I'm meant to get him for xmas!

 

[Grannie G]

Sandy, your dad seems at a similar stage to my husband. He is unable to occupy himself and follows me round the house too. He even holds the washing for me to peg out on the line, and tries to help with things around the house but seems to make more work for me.

I thank him for helping, at least he feels he is making a contribution, even though it takes twice as long. He insists on vaccing, and as we have a very ungainly and clumsy Dyson, it is painful to watch him struggle, but watch I must, otherwise he`s have nothing to do.

Whatever he does, he doesn`t do by himself. I am always there to do it with him. It`s the company he needs more than anything, to stop him sinking into himself.

Whatever you get your dad for Christmas, wrap it nicely. Get something large and make it LOOK like a special present. He`ll be happy with the contents because they are from you.

It`s so hard to help them keep their dignity. If my husband has difficulty in the toilet, I make no comment, but just get on with it. It`s not his fault. He wouldn`t choose to be in that state. That`s what I try to remember at all times.

Take Care, Sylvia

 

[sandy25]

Thanks for your advice Syvia. Not being Dads main carer I can't really imagine what its like for mum throughout a normal day. But it seems to upset her more when he tries to help out with things, like you say, but then can't. I think she has a short fuse and doesn't like he when he can't accept he can't do things. But I say from his point of view, so what if he thinks he can do it - if it makes him happier then surely thats the main thing. But I'm not the one looking after him - she is.
Its difficult. Don't get me wrong, we just feel so sorry for him that he has this illness and its not his fault in the slightest. Its so cruel.
Re: xmas prezzie. Will try to make it large and thoughtful!
I think we should start a separate topic- ''ideas for presents for dementia sufferers!''
Sandy

 

[Grannie G]

It`s so hard for carers, exhausting, upsetting, frustrating and anything else you can think of.
It`s even harder to suffer with AD or any form of Dementia.
When I get really fed up, I try to remember I`d rather be the carer than the one being cared for.

 

[Skye]

Sandy,

There is a thread about presents on the Support forum

http://www.alzheimers.org.uk/TalkingPoint/discuss/showthread.php?t=4619

You may find some ideas here.

Good luck

 

[MrsP]

Hi Sandy

Like you, I'm not Dad's main carer but even so it's hard to see someone so 'lost' in their own environment. When Dad was with his wife he used to try to help around the house, but her reaction to him was as if a child were being naughty "oh for goodness sake".... , "why can't you just stop it"....., "look at what you've done there".... , "what a mess you've made"........... It really broke my heart to see it, and he used to get so flustered around her. When she wasn't around I let him just potter around with things and yes, it might have taken forever to do something, or he might make a mess, or need a bit of guidance but at least he felt a bit useful. I'll never forgive his wife for the way she treated him, and now that Dad is on his own he can do what he likes. I know that he still gets very bored because he can't just get on with work or go out wherever and whenever he wants to, but at least he isn't being told off. So I think that whatever task you can get your Dad to help with, however it turns out at least it shows he still has a 'use'.

As for presents, I get my daughter to make something for him- it doesn't matter how awful it is (not that she makes anything awful of course, ahem.........) but the fact that it's from her makes it special. I won't say what this years present is incase he reads this!!

 

[sandy25]

Thanks all for your comments (and links) - its given me food for thought!

Sandy