1. Expert Q&A: Benefits - Weds 23 October, 3-4pm

    Our next expert Q&A will be on the topic of benefits. It will be hosted by Lauren from our Knowledge Services team. She'll be answering your questions on Wednesday 23 October between 3-4pm.

    You can either post your question >here< or email them to us at talkingpoint@alzheimers.org.uk and we'll be happy to ask them on your behalf.

agitation and anger

Discussion in 'I have a partner with dementia' started by worf, Aug 21, 2015.

  1. worf

    worf Registered User

    Aug 8, 2015
    10
    redditch
    Although my oh has only recently been diagnosed with Alzheimer's. Her behaviour has deteriorated fairly quickly especially getting agitated or even angry over silly things that don't really matter. E.g.. next door are having some work done in rear garden,the man doing the work used our wheelbarrow not realising it wasn't our neighbours! Our neighbour as soon as he realised came round to apologise. I said it wasn't a problem the barrow was old and we hadn't used it in years, he said he would get the guy to clean it when finished. Anyways the barrow didn't get cleaned,not really a problem as we were going to throw it anyways. However my oh has fixated on this saying (not to them )yet but to me she doesn't like them and how dare they use our things without asking and then she adds that she will do something similar to them? Has any one else experienced this random behaviour and if so how to diffuse the situation???
     
  2. Cat27

    Cat27 Volunteer Moderator

    Feb 27, 2015
    10,215
    Merseyside
    I have!
    My Dad obsesses over things & explodes over the slightest thing. I just let him rant & if possible leave the room but I find it so, so hard to cope with.
     
  3. Chuggalug

    Chuggalug Registered User

    Mar 24, 2014
    8,007
    Norfolk
    It's hard, isn't it, Cat. Hubby was the same and I had to live with it! We'll survive.

    Worf, I think sometimes, leaving the room is the probable only option until enough time has passed for the incident not to become a fixation. If it's allowed to become embedded, you'll never hear the end of it.

    Wishing you peace today.
     
  4. Onlyme

    Onlyme Registered User

    Apr 5, 2010
    4,999
    UK
    Having lived through Mil getting more and more paranoid and angry about her neighbours I would try to overlay her 'nasty' memory with a nice one. Can you pop out and get some flowers and pretend they are from next door as a sorry? I would then keep referring to how nice he is to send the flowers. It might work, it might not but the last thing you want is your OH trying to start a war.
     
  5. 1mindy

    1mindy Registered User

    Jul 21, 2015
    539
    Female
    Shropshire
    I don't think there is any sure fire way of sorting this My OH has this with our son. I have tried reasoning ,arguing ,crying none of which worked now on anything such as this fixated hatred I just say that's your opinion and I can't change it and walk away. It then seems to be forgotten ,until the next time. I think it is so deep rooted no matter what our son does it can't be changed.Heartbreaking really as we don't know where it came from .Our lovely daughter on the other hand could do anything and she would still be wonderful. It's just one of those things .......
     
  6. Grace L

    Grace L Registered User

    Jun 14, 2014
    647
    NW UK
    oooo yes, I've had this too.

    I have good neighbours, I live in a converted house.... 4 flats. I'm on the ground floor.
    For some reason, out of the blue... my husband decided he did not like our upstairs neighbour.
    He used to say neighbour was up to all sorts of things, totally made up stories about him.

    He used to say that when my neighbours wife went out, the neighbours boyfriend came over :eek:
    He was convinced neighbours marriage was a sham, and he should report it.

    I have no idea where this came from, not a clue.
    My husband even told me that my neighbour was not the father of their child !!

    We all get on really well, none of us has ever had a reason to fall out.

    My husband also believed that the same neighbour was stealing 'the life out of his TV' .
    He said that our neighbour was tuning in and watching our TV, through their TV :confused:,
    and in doing so it was shortening the TV life.

    Ey, what? Didn't even ask him to explain that one.....
     
  7. Tiller Girl

    Tiller Girl Registered User

    May 14, 2012
    91
    Sorry GraceL but that remark about the tv has made me smile but on the other hand , isn't it sad that they worry and fret over certain things.

    I think there are times when a little white lie helps to diffuse the situation . The suggestion by Onlyme to send flowers may help. Seems like a good idea to me --anything to distract her away from that particular memory.
     
  8. canary

    canary Registered User

    Feb 25, 2014
    10,540
    Female
    South coast
    I found the delusions difficult to deal with. Mum kept on getting into arguments with her lovely neighbours over the bins - I never did get to the bottom of what the problem was about. She also started being really nasty to a long-standing and dear friend. Finally she was convinced that the people above her were pinching all her hot water, breaking into her home and stealing things and making a racket on the stairs (this later segued into her believing there was a school above her and the children used to come in) - except that she lived in a bungalow:eek:

    I found it very difficult to shift an obsession once she had got it into her mind. You could try lemonys idea about the flowers - it cant hurt and might work.
     
  9. Grace L

    Grace L Registered User

    Jun 14, 2014
    647
    NW UK
    Hello Tiller Girl,
    Yes it was odd how things take hold, and our loved ones come put with the wildest of confabulations.

    My husband also used to think if he ran the hot taps, he was stealing the neighbours hot water :confused:
    (I removed all the plugs in the sinks long before this, just so I didn't have any more flooding incidents) .
    We have a combi boiler, so at least he was not using all the water ....

    Husband was pleased with himself doing this, used to chuckle and think he had one over the neighbour.

    Cup of tea? Biscuits? tried to distract him, not always with success.
     
  10. AlsoConfused

    AlsoConfused Registered User

    Sep 17, 2010
    1,955
    Obsessions usually pass, eventually.

    Avoiding referring to them (even to argue against them) seems to help.

    It may help the victim if they get some kind of private, non-hurtful explanation of the dementia sufferer's self-evidently nasty behaviours. Eg "My OH can't remember what's really happening nowadays so he thinks whatever comes into his head is real ... I hope his memory problems never cause (my neighbours) any distress but if they do, I also hope (my neighbours) can be kind enough to understand and forgive him. He's ill and none of this is his fault".
     
  11. Scarlett123

    Scarlett123 Registered User

    Apr 30, 2013
    3,802
    Essex
    Unfortunately, the minutiae of life escalates to mammoth proportions, and it can be very wearing if you're on the receiving end. :( I found it helped to agree with everything, and say yes, you're quite right, it's terrible, I'll sort it out tomorrow .........

    The combination of saying "yes, you're right" and the promise to sort it out, can often lead to a calmer time - for you.
     

Share This Page

  1. This site uses cookies to help personalise content, tailor your experience and to keep you logged in if you register.
    By continuing to use this site, you are consenting to our use of cookies.
  1. This site uses cookies to help personalise content, tailor your experience and to keep you logged in if you register.
    By continuing to use this site, you are consenting to our use of cookies.