My husband has been in the care home nearly 11 months now and seemed more settled almost immediately. Of course because of corona, the family has not seen him much though we l phone every day but when we did see him, he usually eventually wandered off without a second glance. So, a week ago the care home opened up for one visitor. I went, things were ok but it seems when I left he was very agitated and abusive. Today, again, the visit was ok, except he remembered I left him last week and also said he was in a care home for old people (don't know why I am typing italics). He has never known where he was before. I left and rang later to see how he had been. Not good, swearing at the staff and agitated. Rang again not long ago. He has broken a window and been abusive to the staff. Has, with medication, calmed down now, though they do suggest I don't ring him for a while. The question is, how do I handle this? What do I say, what do I do. I can't not visit.
Agitated, upset and rude to care home staff after I left him
- Thread starter SandyRose
- Start date
Hello @SandyRose
That must be devastating for you and I'm sorry to read that.
I wonder if the Care Home can seek a general meds review that might help your husband.
That must be devastating for you and I'm sorry to read that.
I wonder if the Care Home can seek a general meds review that might help your husband.
Have the care home checked to see if he has an infection (especially a UTI)?
Sudden changes in behaviour can often indicate an infection - they do horrible things to people with dementia.
I would actually step back and not visit for a while to let him settle down and break this cycle.
Sudden changes in behaviour can often indicate an infection - they do horrible things to people with dementia.
I would actually step back and not visit for a while to let him settle down and break this cycle.
If he has been calm whilst in the home @SandyRose then I think I would stop ringing him direct just call the care home to see how he is. You will see from their replies if not speaking to him is working. I think, with the help of the care home you can hopefully find what starts the agitation and aggression.
Life for this past 12 months has been unreal for all of us and it must be so much worse for someone in care. The fear of Covid and all that goes with it will be felt within the home. It’s all very disturbing.
Hopefully it might just be a passing phase or an infection like a UTI that has upset him or it can be eased with medication.
Life for this past 12 months has been unreal for all of us and it must be so much worse for someone in care. The fear of Covid and all that goes with it will be felt within the home. It’s all very disturbing.
Hopefully it might just be a passing phase or an infection like a UTI that has upset him or it can be eased with medication.
I would ask the care home to get the GP to look at his meds. My husband was like this agitated halucinating and aggressive at times. We were fortunate he was admitted to a psychiatric unit to have his meds adjusted by a psychiatrist.
When you ask the care home to get GP to review his meds also ask if she can call you after to discuss. It could be worth asking her/him if your HB would benefit from more powerful anti psychotics.
When you ask the care home to get GP to review his meds also ask if she can call you after to discuss. It could be worth asking her/him if your HB would benefit from more powerful anti psychotics.
My mum is now in a care home - a wonderful care home with lovely staff and plenty of daily activities and events. Mum is 91 with quite advanced Alzheimer's (& poss Lewy Body). She was living on her own in a bungalow close to us, with carers 4 times a day & me after work, weekends etc. She had been having visual & auditory hallucinations for a few years, gradually getting worse. In April she had a bad fall & broke 2 vertebrae, & spent 2 weeks in hospital before being transferred to a nursing home on a 6 week assessment placement (D2A). After the multi-disciplinary team assessment & meeting with me, we all agreed mum had gone downhill to the extent that going home wasn't an option, so I had to look for a permanent care home for her (she doesn't qualify for nursing care).
Mum is really a very placid, friendly, amenable & happy person, & was settling in really well at the care home. She doesn't know she won't be coming home, and thankfully doesn't keep asking, but today when I visited, one of the senior carers spoke to me saying mum has started getting very agitated and angry, especially at night, & shouts out, throws her zimmer frame aside, & gets snitchy with the carers. I was so disappointed to hear that ?. She was fine & happy the past few weeks, so I'm upset about this. She has had a recent UTI, and a course of antibiotics, which had to be cut short due to upsetting her tummy & causing awful 'explosions' to put it politely! They have asked the GP about her uncharacteristic outbursts, & he is prescribing Lorazepam, so hopefully that will help. They are also going to try moving her from her (specially & newly decorated) room upstairs, to a downstairs room so that there will be more people about & she can just leave her room & go into the lounge or move about the corridors. It's maybe too quiet upstairs & she has to be brought down in the lift, so maybe this will help. I don't know what to do, I told the carer I was so sorry she was behaving badly! It is a special dementia care home & they are used to it, but nevertheless I feel bad. When the carer took mum back in at the end of my visit, mum was as sweet as can be, patting the carer on the hand saying what a good friend she was! I suppose it's just the way it goes with dementia, but it has upset me a bit so I just had to post this & see what other people say about their PWD & how they cope with it.
Mum is really a very placid, friendly, amenable & happy person, & was settling in really well at the care home. She doesn't know she won't be coming home, and thankfully doesn't keep asking, but today when I visited, one of the senior carers spoke to me saying mum has started getting very agitated and angry, especially at night, & shouts out, throws her zimmer frame aside, & gets snitchy with the carers. I was so disappointed to hear that ?. She was fine & happy the past few weeks, so I'm upset about this. She has had a recent UTI, and a course of antibiotics, which had to be cut short due to upsetting her tummy & causing awful 'explosions' to put it politely! They have asked the GP about her uncharacteristic outbursts, & he is prescribing Lorazepam, so hopefully that will help. They are also going to try moving her from her (specially & newly decorated) room upstairs, to a downstairs room so that there will be more people about & she can just leave her room & go into the lounge or move about the corridors. It's maybe too quiet upstairs & she has to be brought down in the lift, so maybe this will help. I don't know what to do, I told the carer I was so sorry she was behaving badly! It is a special dementia care home & they are used to it, but nevertheless I feel bad. When the carer took mum back in at the end of my visit, mum was as sweet as can be, patting the carer on the hand saying what a good friend she was! I suppose it's just the way it goes with dementia, but it has upset me a bit so I just had to post this & see what other people say about their PWD & how they cope with it.
Hello @Fiona F
Has your mum had further tests to see if the urine infection is still there? Perhaps there is an alternative antibiotic she could take if so. They really do play havoc with dementia and the change in behaviour can be shocking.
It sounds as though the care home staff are doing a good job of looking after things and trying to find a reason for and a solution to your mum’s change in behaviour, so I wouldn’t worry too much (easier said than done, I know).
My mum has been extremely volatile, to put it mildly, for the past few years and we have found regular reviews of medication very useful throughout. The care home staff love her to bits - despite many of them having sustained minor injuries over the years.
Your mum’s in good caring hands. Hopefully this is just a short term issue which will soon be resolved (and your mum won’t remember).
Has your mum had further tests to see if the urine infection is still there? Perhaps there is an alternative antibiotic she could take if so. They really do play havoc with dementia and the change in behaviour can be shocking.
It sounds as though the care home staff are doing a good job of looking after things and trying to find a reason for and a solution to your mum’s change in behaviour, so I wouldn’t worry too much (easier said than done, I know).
My mum has been extremely volatile, to put it mildly, for the past few years and we have found regular reviews of medication very useful throughout. The care home staff love her to bits - despite many of them having sustained minor injuries over the years.
Your mum’s in good caring hands. Hopefully this is just a short term issue which will soon be resolved (and your mum won’t remember).
Thank you ever so much for your encouraging reply. I think the carer mentioned they might test again for UTI, as she may not be fully over the recent infection. Hopefully the GP will try a different antibiotic & give her something to help with the inevitable upset tummy. I'm happy for the GP to try mum on Lorazepam too (I think that's the name the carer said), but the prescription hadn't arrived yet, so we'll wait & see.
I feel sorry for all the carers who have to contend with difficult behaviour when all they are trying to do is their best for people. You must've felt awful when your mum got nasty with the carers.
I so desperately want mum to be happy there. She did settle in very well to start with - she's only been there since mid-July. Everybody fell in love with her & she was no trouble at all. I was just shaken up yesterday to hear that she's been shouting & throwing things about at night. The carer said she doesn't like being told what to do & they were having to phrase things in such a way that they weren't 'telling' her for example to use her walking frame, because she would just get angry & fling it aside. This is not like my mum & is so disappointing to hear she's being 'naughty'.
Anyway, your reply gives me hope that she will settle back down again. I feel so guilty that she can't come home & I'm gradually clearing out her bungalow - unbeknown to her. I feel like a traitor!
Thanks again.
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