• All threads and posts regarding Coronavirus COVID-19 can now be found in our new area specifically for Coronavirus COVID-19 discussion.

    You can directly access this area >here<.

Aggressive behaviour


Registered User
May 19, 2015
I share caring with my sister and 90 year old father. I sleep in mums room twice per week to give dad a break. Last week she didn't recognise me for the first time and went berserk, barging into dad's room, demanding I was sent away, and calling me awful names sac. At one point she attacked me. It was very distressing. I am due to be there agin tomorrow but have no idea how to handle this situation if it occurs again.


Registered User
Aug 30, 2012
Brixham Devon
Hi Sansa -welcome to TP.

The usual advice when someone's behaviour changes suddenly is to seek medical help. Your Mum could have an infection (either chest, constipation or a UTI). It's always best to rule out something physical first before assuming that a downturn in the Dementia has happened. Please phone your Mum's GP tomorrow and insist on an appointment.

You and your Sister are doing a grand job in supporting your Dad-so well done for that. However, no one should have to put up with violence, and I'm sure you are worried about both your parents, if an infection can't be found Mum may need some meds to calm her.

Take care

Lyn T XX

Canadian Joanne

Volunteer Moderator
Apr 8, 2005
Toronto, Canada
Hi Sansa,

I agree with Lyn - first any physical causes must be ruled out. UTIs are notorious for causing changes in behaviour.

I have a few questions - is it absolutely necessary for someone to sleep in the same room with her? Is this done because otherwise she would be waking your father up all the time? Does she take any sort of medication for her behaviour?

I'm very sorry she attacked you. It is incredibly distressing when someone so close to us does that. If she starts getting agitated, get yourself to another room immediately, preferably one with a door you can lock. Keep your cell phone close to hand at all times.

Good luck to you and keep us posted.


Registered User
May 27, 2011
Hi Sansa,

I'm really sorry to hear that that happened, it sounds really scary and upsetting. My Gran (who has Vascular D) is very aggressive at least once a day too and it can be almost unbearable to live with.

Could you sleep somewhere else in the house for your night-shifts? Perhaps your Dad could come and get you if your Mum starts running around etc?

Does your Mum spend any time in Day-care and do you and particularly your Dad get any respite?


Registered User
May 19, 2015
Going into care

Since my last post, my 90 year old father has had a stroke, and is now unable to look after mother. My sister is going to care for dad, but cannot look after mother any more. My home is 150 miles away and I have found a lovely care home for mother. My heart is breaking at the thought of their separation as mother is desperate for him to be home and well again. This is not going to happen. I cannot bear the thought of her being alone at night where she doesn't know anyone or where she is, or where we are. How do I cope with her going into care? How does she cope. We have agonised about this for weeks but cannot see another way out.


Registered User
Mar 1, 2013
West Hertfordshire
The best advice I can think of is *be strong* its going to be a tough time, but you know its got to happen. its a bit like taking a child to nursery the first time, it breaks your heart, but you know it will get better in time and hopefully they come to enjoy it.

You might need to step back while she settles.


Registered User
Jul 18, 2011
My mother hasn't been physically aggressive (though I've had plenty of verbal aggression), though she has a violent streak that found its way out when she was pregnant with me and she ended up attacking my (then) 8 year old sister. I'm told that if that behaviour was there in the past it's almost certain she will behave like it again, so I am staying aware. Mind you if she does get like that all I have to do is jump out of the way, her mobility is so poor these days she wouldn't be able to catch me.