I am so sorry to hear about all this abuse. Please consider residential care. My husband is dead now, but I am indeed still suffering the after effects of living with the abuse and destruction. I am so sorry.It wears you down bit by bit. I started trying to be understanding but regularly being called awful names, being hit ( if only small toddler type punching out), hair pulls and wrist grabs, and childish insults... you smell/nobody likes you/ you are ugly,/ you have no friends. Even being spat at. @AbbyGee so don't best yourself up too if you sometimes shout back. Only a saint wouldn't react at times! OH just gone into respite care and I can feel the tension still coiled in my body. I suspect long-term one-on-one care can lead to a sort of PTSD.
Btw memantine did help but only up to 10mg level. Over that was detrimental. Different for everyone and OH has Alzheimer's mixed with vascular.