Aggression getting worse

LouiseK!

Registered User
Jul 17, 2020
49
0
My OH gets aggressive whenever I do any house repairs or improvements.

We had a leak under the bath & the old bath panel needed to come off, so I got a new one. I went in the front garden to measure it with the old one as some needed cutting off. Thought I'd be safe. He was watching me from kitchen window. Came out and said what do you think you're doing. I said I was waiting for you to say that, explained I needed to cut it down. Then he raised his voice, you come in here, go through my stuff, I don't want it, it's my house, you bring boys in, other people in here, you're a t**t.

So I went back inside to get my phone, put it on record and placed it on the wall, he swiped it off the wall, and when I went outside to pick it up, he hurled the old panel at me, so I grappled with him to stop him throwing the new one, he pushed me down the steps and hurled that at me too. So I hid the new one behind the bins.

I was shaking, and a man came to our wall to ask if I was okay, I was thankful. He was walking passed. My OH shouted from the kitchen window, go on, F off. When it happened, this was about 1pm, so I went to mams and didnt return until 5.30. He was fine when I got back but I didn't speak to him, I went to my bed.

Sunday morning I locked my bedroom door and cut the panel to size in my bedroom.

We have got a telephone review I'm the morning so I'm hoping they will change his medication. Not sure how long I can put up with is. Has anyone else had something similar?
 

SeaSwallow

Volunteer Moderator
Oct 28, 2019
7,024
0
@LouiseK! I am so sorry you are going through that, it sounds truly awful.
It is good that you are having a review tomorrow so please make sure that you tell them exactly what’s been going on and that you cannot take much more. You could have been badly hurt when you were pushed down.
Please try to protect yourself at all times. Keep a fully charged mobile with you and if you ever feel in danger leave the house and call the police, they are trained to deal with these issues and can contact emergency mental health if necessary.
 

LouiseK!

Registered User
Jul 17, 2020
49
0
Thank you, I was in an abusive first marriage, so I think that's what makes it worse. Will definitely take your advice, means a lot xx
 

sapphire turner

Registered User
Jan 14, 2022
617
0
Dear LouiseK what you are going through is truly awful and I agree with the advice above. I also understand what you mean about previous abusive relationships and how our current situation dealing with dementia is made even harder by it bringing back memories of similar abuse. Years ago I was in a terrible relationship that I can now see was coercive control - there wasn’t a name or recognition for it back in the late 1970s. But when my husband now brags about never having hit me it brings it all back. He is verbally cruel and abusive and thinks of ways to punish me, like pouring water on my bed. The massive anxiety that I live with is killing me and I may eventually have to leave. Sending love to you and hope of better days ❤️
 

LouiseK!

Registered User
Jul 17, 2020
49
0
Dear LouiseK what you are going through is truly awful and I agree with the advice above. I also understand what you mean about previous abusive relationships and how our current situation dealing with dementia is made even harder by it bringing back memories of similar abuse. Years ago I was in a terrible relationship that I can now see was coercive control - there wasn’t a name or recognition for it back in the late 1970s. But when my husband now brags about never having hit me it brings it all back. He is verbally cruel and abusive and thinks of ways to punish me, like pouring water on my bed. The massive anxiety that I live with is killing me and I may eventually have to leave. Sending love to you and hope of better days ❤️
Bless you. Don't feel guilty if you have to walk away, your mental health is so important, hope things improve for you ❤️🥰, Try some self-care, lots of love xx
 

Oscar 10

Registered User
Nov 3, 2023
25
0
My OH gets aggressive whenever I do any house repairs or improvements.

We had a leak under the bath & the old bath panel needed to come off, so I got a new one. I went in the front garden to measure it with the old one as some needed cutting off. Thought I'd be safe. He was watching me from kitchen window. Came out and said what do you think you're doing. I said I was waiting for you to say that, explained I needed to cut it down. Then he raised his voice, you come in here, go through my stuff, I don't want it, it's my house, you bring boys in, other people in here, you're a t**t.

So I went back inside to get my phone, put it on record and placed it on the wall, he swiped it off the wall, and when I went outside to pick it up, he hurled the old panel at me, so I grappled with him to stop him throwing the new one, he pushed me down the steps and hurled that at me too. So I hid the new one behind the bins.

I was shaking, and a man came to our wall to ask if I was okay, I was thankful. He was walking passed. My OH shouted from the kitchen window, go on, F off. When it happened, this was about 1pm, so I went to mams and didnt return until 5.30. He was fine when I got back but I didn't speak to him, I went to my bed.

Sunday morning I locked my bedroom door and cut the panel to size in my bedroom.

We have got a telephone review I'm the morning so I'm hoping they will change his medication. Not sure how long I can put up with is. Has anyone else had something similar?
Hi Louisek I’m really sad to read your post we are in an impossible situation with this disease and you really shouldn’t have to live like this your doing the best you can but he shouldn’t be threatening you in any way what medication is he on ? and why is it effecting his mood or is he like this generally I think you need to let people know your situation as soon as possible before he does something serious xx
 

LouiseK!

Registered User
Jul 17, 2020
49
0
Hi
Things are looking up. The rapid response support team are visiting, with a doctor. They are going to change his meds, and take him out on days so I can get my jobs done, or just enjoy myself haha. I'm getting my life back and he gets to socialise. My son came today and sorted the bathroom out. I'm feeling much better, thank you xx
 

Ellie2018

Registered User
Jun 26, 2023
274
0
Hi
Things are looking up. The rapid response support team are visiting, with a doctor. They are going to change his meds, and take him out on days so I can get my jobs done, or just enjoy myself haha. I'm getting my life back and he gets to socialise. My son came today and sorted the bathroom out. I'm feeling much better, thank you xx
Would he go to a day centre, I know it doesn’t sound like it but made such a difference for me. I didn’t think he’d take to it but he has.
 

Kevinl

Registered User
Aug 24, 2013
7,448
0
Salford
Glad it's all going so well, but zero tolerance to violence. Didn't matter when my four foot ten and half wife beat me up, but as I say be careful when someone becomes aggresive.
Please take care. K
 

LouiseK!

Registered User
Jul 17, 2020
49
0
Would he go to a day centre, I know it doesn’t sound like it but made such a difference for me. I didn’t think he’d take to it but he has.
Yes it will be day centres. We have been using the dementia cafe and a day centre for respite. He loves the cafe, but is getting fed up with the day centre. It is predominantly for young disabled people, so he feels a bit out of it. This new plan is that he'll be with people alike, so hopefully, he'll be happier x
 

LouiseK!

Registered User
Jul 17, 2020
49
0
Glad it's all going so well, but zero tolerance to violence. Didn't matter when my four foot ten and half wife beat me up, but as I say be careful when someone becomes aggresive.
Please take care. K
Thank you x
 

ijenisch

New member
Jul 9, 2024
2
0
Thank you x
My OH gets aggressive whenever I do any house repairs or improvements.

We had a leak under the bath & the old bath panel needed to come off, so I got a new one. I went in the front garden to measure it with the old one as some needed cutting off. Thought I'd be safe. He was watching me from kitchen window. Came out and said what do you think you're doing. I said I was waiting for you to say that, explained I needed to cut it down. Then he raised his voice, you come in here, go through my stuff, I don't want it, it's my house, you bring boys in, other people in here, you're a t**t.

So I went back inside to get my phone, put it on record and placed it on the wall, he swiped it off the wall, and when I went outside to pick it up, he hurled the old panel at me, so I grappled with him to stop him throwing the new one, he pushed me down the steps and hurled that at me too. So I hid the new one behind the bins.

I was shaking, and a man came to our wall to ask if I was okay, I was thankful. He was walking passed. My OH shouted from the kitchen window, go on, F off. When it happened, this was about 1pm, so I went to mams and didnt return until 5.30. He was fine when I got back but I didn't speak to him, I went to my bed.

Sunday morning I locked my bedroom door and cut the panel to size in my bedroom.

We have got a telephone review I'm the morning so I'm hoping they will change his medication. Not sure how long I can put up with is. Has anyone else had something similar?
Hi Louise K, I hope things are getting better with you. I'm in similar situation. When my husband was diagnose with Alzheimer's, my vow was to keep him cared for at home until the very last day. I had no clues that Alzheimer's can cause a person to be very violent. Long story short, I almost got badly injured twice. The last incident, I got strangled, and literally had to fight for my life. I know he didn't knowingly do it, it's the disease. At the second incident, I realized that he needed the care beyond what I can provide for him at home. He is at geropsychiatry unit, and will go to memory care afterward. My heart is completely shattered to pieces, but I just want to say there comes a point that this disease goes beyond our ability to handle.
 

LouiseK!

Registered User
Jul 17, 2020
49
0
Hi Louise K, I hope things are getting better with you. I'm in similar situation. When my husband was diagnose with Alzheimer's, my vow was to keep him cared for at home until the very last day. I had no clues that Alzheimer's can cause a person to be very violent. Long story short, I almost got badly injured twice. The last incident, I got strangled, and literally had to fight for my life. I know he didn't knowingly do it, it's the disease. At the second incident, I realized that he needed the care beyond what I can provide for him at home. He is at geropsychiatry unit, and will go to memory care afterward. My heart is completely shattered to pieces, but I just want to say there comes a point that this disease goes beyond our ability to handle.
Absolutely, we have just gained extra support and the new medication is kicking I'm, so he's been okay for now. But I haven't touched the house or the garden. The weeds are massive, so I'll attempt them tomorrow when he's at day centre. Hope things pick up for you xx
 

LouiseK!

Registered User
Jul 17, 2020
49
0
Would he go to a day centre, I know it doesn’t sound like it but made such a difference for me. I didn’t think he’d take to it but he has.
He does go to a day centre, but recently he's reluctant to go, but I'll make sure he does. I get 3 free hours to do any house work. Trying to get him in more centres now.
 

Kevinl

Registered User
Aug 24, 2013
7,448
0
Salford
Three hours a week, is that it? Takes me that long to cut the grass let alone clean the house.
Keep smiling. K
 

SkyeD

Registered User
Oct 3, 2022
292
0
Great to hear that things are happening (or have happened) for you @LouiseK!

Enjoy your free time, and let's hope that you can get your OH into some more centres.
S x
 

Bevhar

Registered User
Mar 23, 2023
298
0
My OH gets aggressive whenever I do any house repairs or improvements.

We had a leak under the bath & the old bath panel needed to come off, so I got a new one. I went in the front garden to measure it with the old one as some needed cutting off. Thought I'd be safe. He was watching me from kitchen window. Came out and said what do you think you're doing. I said I was waiting for you to say that, explained I needed to cut it down. Then he raised his voice, you come in here, go through my stuff, I don't want it, it's my house, you bring boys in, other people in here, you're a t**t.

So I went back inside to get my phone, put it on record and placed it on the wall, he swiped it off the wall, and when I went outside to pick it up, he hurled the old panel at me, so I grappled with him to stop him throwing the new one, he pushed me down the steps and hurled that at me too. So I hid the new one behind the bins.

I was shaking, and a man came to our wall to ask if I was okay, I was thankful. He was walking passed. My OH shouted from the kitchen window, go on, F off. When it happened, this was about 1pm, so I went to mams and didnt return until 5.30. He was fine when I got back but I didn't speak to him, I went to my bed.

Sunday morning I locked my bedroom door and cut the panel to size in my bedroom.

We have got a telephone review I'm the morning so I'm hoping they will change his medication. Not sure how long I can put up with is. Has anyone else had something similar?
My husband is not physically aggressive but he is verbally I’m finding it so hard I’m 70 & my husband is 68 He has always been my rock I cry everyday & feel like there’s nothing worth living for I’m an only child so haven’t got family to talk to I have 2 grown up
children but don’t want to burden them I’m lucky I have some good friends but I try not to speak badly about my husband as I know it’s the illness May I ask what tablets he’s on to calm him down Take care