Aggression getting worse

Discussion in 'I have a partner with dementia' started by Guzelle, Apr 10, 2018.

  1. 70smand

    70smand Registered User

    Dec 4, 2011
    257
    Female
    Essex
    Please keep trying the memory clinic- that’s where I got most help, Dads consultant and a lovely social worker who went above and beyond because we couldn’t get dad into a home as he was so aggressive. I did not find the emergency number for social services any good, but maybe I just had a bad experience as the man on the end of the phone could hear my dad raging in the background and my mum screaming at him not to throw another tv at the window. But I was told to talk to his social worker on Monday and it was Saturday- it beggars belief!
    My mum was already on the ‘at risk’ register and often had to call the police if I was working. The police were marvellous and so sympathetic and dad always respected them. Please do not hesitate to call them if you need them.
    Memantine did help at first and avoiding all the triggers, but eventually antipsychotic meds were used. Dad was also a Jekyll and Hyde character and not always aggressive but the constant treading on eggshells is awful.
    Please look after yourself and don’t be fobbed off until someone listens to you.
    I also videoed dad on one of his outbursts to show the social worker and community psychiatric nurses exactly how he could be as he was usually ok for them and it was very painful to watch but also extremely useful.
    Take care x
     
  2. Guzelle

    Guzelle Registered User

    Aug 27, 2016
    342
    Sheffield
    I have to go back to GP to be referred to memory clinic I am told by memory clinic. My OH has been as good as gold today, it’s hard speaking to GP whilst he is there, he doesn’t think he has anything wrong with himself. But when he is in a mood it is like walking on eggshells as what ever I say is wrong, and if I ask what is wrong i get knocked about. I’m sick of it can’t take much more. Sound like you have been through it as well.
     
  3. sah

    sah Registered User

    Apr 20, 2009
    332
    Dorset
    I couldn't talk about OH in front of him at GPs -so I kept a list on which I noted down his behaviours-and dropped it in just before appointment ( eventually emailed updates to GP-at his request) Also did same with memory clinic. This really helped as they had a full picture of what was happening -plus I found it helped me to see patterns of behaviour etc. Maybe worth a try?
     
  4. 70smand

    70smand Registered User

    Dec 4, 2011
    257
    Female
    Essex
    Dad was the same. Mum used to phone me in secret in the toilet so he wouldn’t hear her as he was paranoid. Mum hid a lot of how bad it was and I only realised when I tuned up one day and she was wearing makeup to cover a bruise on her face - she never wears makeup. In the end I wrote a long detailed email to his consultant telling her how things really were because Mum was not allowed to say anything in front of him- he would ways say things were fine. Maybe you could write a letter to the GP but explain that he cannot mention the letter in front of your other half and be very honest that you are scared for your safety. If necessary make an appointment for yourself to see the GP first on your own, make out it’s something personal or embarrassing if you have to. If you have bruises can you photograph them as evidence and try and document and date events in a diary. As soon as I informed the memory clinic of actual harm mum was put on the ‘at risk register’ and then things couldn’t be ignored.
    Do you have a close friend or relative who can support you.
     
  5. 70smand

    70smand Registered User

    Dec 4, 2011
    257
    Female
    Essex
    I definitely echo this and think I is the way to go Guzelle.
     
  6. Guzelle

    Guzelle Registered User

    Aug 27, 2016
    342
    Sheffield
    I do have our daughter who supportive. I will write it down and see if I can email it to the doctor.
     
  7. Guzelle

    Guzelle Registered User

    Aug 27, 2016
    342
    Sheffield
    I don’t have any bruises, if I did he would have
    them as well because I can only be pushed so far and god help him if I lose my temper!
     
  8. john1939

    john1939 Registered User

    Sep 21, 2017
    148
    Male
    Newtownabbey
    Hello, if involving the police try to get a witness to support your version of events. My wife rang the police to report that I was abusing her. Fortunately my daughter was on hand to verify my version of events, otherwise I could have been in trouble.
     
  9. Carolyn B

    Carolyn B Registered User

    Apr 29, 2018
    49
    Female
    North West
    #29 Carolyn B, May 7, 2018
    Last edited: May 7, 2018
    Hello, just reading through a few of these threads about ringing the Police. There is some misinformation being given out. If you are in danger and fear for your safety then do ring the Police. No problem with that if you are genuinely scared.

    Otherwise it is the Ambulance/GP/Duty social worker. It's a medical issue If one of the three attends and feels they require the back up of the Police then they will attend.

    The Police don't have any magical training in dealing with dementia. Its usually a bit of awareness training and general experience. You will know more about dementia than the Police officer unless they have personal experience with family or friends.

    They are highly unlikely to handcuff someone who apparently is suffering from some medical issue, common sense would prevail. However if that person is exceptionally violent and likely to hurt themselves or others they would get handcuffed. Obviously if they are elderly and frail hopefully they can be restrained or talked down.

    If the person requires taking to hospital for mental health assessment they either go voluntarily. Or the Ambulance would usually say they don't have the mental capacity. Endorse that on their paperwork and if necessary the Police assist getting them to hospital.

    Unfortunately people with dementia do get sectioned under the mental health act. But it is exceptionally rare that the Police are involved in that. Usually only if there is very serious injury and they get called.

    Often the sight of uniforms police or ambulance calms the person. They do still have some recognition of a uniform but may not be able to differenciate between the two.

    I hope that gives some clarity.
     
  10. canary

    canary Registered User

    Feb 25, 2014
    9,840
    Female
    South coast
    Yes, @Carolyn B that is all true.
    One advantage of calling the police though that you havent mentioned is that they will send in a report to SS.
    Sometimes when SS make an assessment the PWD is in "host mode" and the SW (especially if not very experienced) will conclude that there is no problem so the carer is left with no further help. If the police have been called there is a paper trail.
     
  11. Carolyn B

    Carolyn B Registered User

    Apr 29, 2018
    49
    Female
    North West
    Yes unfortunately using the Police to do another agencies job
     
  12. PalSal

    PalSal Registered User

    Sad but true a paper trail is a good thing if violence is involved.
     

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