@angelict - Thank you, it's more difficult now to get any diagnosis at the moment and was never really convinced GPs could do anything. He gets angry whenever any surgery letter comes through the letterbox and hates any medical interventions.
I do sometimes think it would be better if he hit me so I can call the police and perhaps that will kick GPs into action. I'd rather take the hit and protect my Mum.
@Sarasa - Thank you. Strangely when he's out he puts on a fake facade so to everyone else he's the loveliest man in the world when he gets his way. If he doesn't he's cursing and swearing about them once he's home.
For instance, if he wants something from GP that the GP doesn't think he needs - once he's home he's swearing and criticing the stupid b****** / b**** saying they don't know what they're doing. Same with dentists. Once he had a mouth ulcer but he wanted the dentist to pull a tooth out which they wouldn't as there was nothing wrong with it. Again he was swearing and criticising the stupid b****** / b****.
You can see what I mean about where the line crosses with abuse / controlling or coercive behaviour.
Once the ulcer healed, there was no apology. No I was wrong. He's always right and always an answer for it.
The nearest we got was when GP arranged for a home assessment from geriatric mental health unit. He got angry with them and rudely chased them out of the house. That MH Dr has since changed jobs and put down on discharge report because Dad 'refused to engage' with services / scan. I remember that day vividly. They never got that far to ask, It's almost feels like - hey I'm changing jobs so I need to shift my caseload, allegedly. I guess it's like anything else, if he's not willing, you can't force him.
He's a very reactive patient. He's non-compliant so doesn't take daily / preventative meds. He won't take anything unless he's already ill and then says medicine is rubbish.
I can relate to the freezing and boiling. Because of his dementia, he seems to be unable to regulate temperature and appetite. He's always cold and constantly has heating on. Everyone else is boiling and mouths and throats are dry which without saliva is breeding ground for infections. Even tried to buy him his own heater but he's fixated on whole house heating. We've got thermostatic valves on radiators but it's a pain to be constantly turning them on and off all the time.
We don't have lockable rooms but we can just leave the room and retreat to bedroom and let him vent. Usually once he has vented the toxins it'll be like nothing happened. Lockable rooms would only make him more paranoid than he already is. He's always opening and closing doors repeatedly which is a known trait so having locks on doors will only make him think we're hiding something.
@Weasell - Thank you. I do keep notes on my phone if I get the chance to log it. I remember printing out one day entry which came out onto well over 10 pages of a word document to show GP. It was what initially made the GP arrange for the geriatic mental health assessment (above) back in 2019 but the discharge ended that.
I remember the GP in the past saying if he's non-compliant with meds, even if he prescribed dementia meds, he wouldn't take them anyway.
He's very cunning though. If there's every a review appointment he can't avoid, he'll constantly squeeze out his inhalers or blister packs so it looks like he's been taking them. Hence cutting down on wasted meds.
Best we can do is remain vigilant.
I don't think I will get mileage with Social Services if I can't get mileage with GP. It's also behavioural and not memory affected so his fake facade will kick in. The rudeness and temper towards the geriatric mental health Dr / assistant in the house was probably the first and nearest any medical professional will witness his behaviour behind closed doors. Even when the Dr / assistant was standing outside a few metres away from the house waiting for the taxi, they could still hear his shouting and cursing that they had to walk down the road and out of view!
I'm only officially my Mum's carer as she has mobility issues, I'm not an official carer for the Dad other than the fact I look after both as a family carer. I look after the day to day for everything so it has heightened his hostess mode where nothing is good enough. I've noticed that once I have gone out for shopping or errands, he will sneak out on the bus to town. Considering that he's in the clinically vulnerable group with COPD and 90yo he should be shielding and stay home, that is dangerous and there's no knowing what he might bring home. His frontotemporal lobe wants the most saturated, the most sweetest food available so he will come back with that because I don't have that stuff so it isn't readily available when he goes rummaging cupboards. I and my Mum eat healthily and there's always healthy food in the house so it's not like anyone is growing hungry. It's just not what his FT dementia cravings want.
Given that he's not very mobile at home and non-compliant with meds such as statins, you can see the damage he is doing to himself. The loss of appetite regulation and over eating plus his COPD, he's carrying too much weight that he and his body can carry. Any attempt to tell him or warn him only leads to anger.
Hey ho... hard to believe it when we can say that there are others in worse situations than we are in...