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Aggresion when incontinent pads need changing

jos112

Registered User
Dec 17, 2016
6
lowestoft
I'm sole carer for my dad. For the last couple of weeks he has become very aggressive at pad changing time. He refuses point blank to let me drop his trousers so I can wash him and change incontinent pad.
Tonite he has gone to bed with a dirty and wet pad which he has had on since this morning. I'm at my wits end. I dont want him getting sore but how do I deal with it.
 

Shedrech

Volunteer Moderator
Dec 15, 2012
9,175
Yorkshire
hi @jos112
sadly that's not an unfamiliar situation
do you have some home care visits, as sometimes a person will co-operate with a carer, maybe appearing as an authority figure in a uniform, when they are awkward with their family carer

you might also mention the aggression to your dad's GP, as it's a concern ... what if he inadvertently harms you or himself .. some meds may help him settle
and if this is a sudden change, is there a chance of getting a urine sample to check for a UTI
 

Gordon’s Girl

New member
Jun 18, 2019
1
I'm sole carer for my dad. For the last couple of weeks he has become very aggressive at pad changing time. He refuses point blank to let me drop his trousers so I can wash him and change incontinent pad.
Tonite he has gone to bed with a dirty and wet pad which he has had on since this morning. I'm at my wits end. I dont want him getting sore but how do I deal with it.
I’m no expert, and don’t live with my Dad, but support my Mum who does. We had a similar issue today. She called in tears to ask me to ask him to take his trousers off, as he was refusing to, making her more upset. He couldn’t understand that it was me on the phone, so I Face Timed them, and he realised straightaway who I am when he saw me. As I hadn’t had the frustration, I was able to calmly talk him through removing his trousers and getting into a clean pair. So, is there someone he knows that you can reach electronically or in person, to try to persuade him? It’s so hard for you as it’s very frustrating. Reach out to someone; they will help - I bet they’ve offered and here’s your chance. Xx
 

Shedrech

Volunteer Moderator
Dec 15, 2012
9,175
Yorkshire
hello @Gordon’s Girl
and welcome to DTP
your mum is fortunate to have you supporting her

maybe, though, she too needs a bit more daily support ... has there been an assessment of your dad's care needs by their Local Authority Adult Services, they might help suggest a care package to take some of the strain from your mum
 

Bunpoots

Volunteer Host
Apr 1, 2016
4,626
Nottinghamshire
Hi @jos112 i used to have the exact same problem with my dad. Sometimes I found that if I left and came back an hour or two later he would be more co-operative but in the end the only solution was to get carers in to change him 3 times a day.

Sorry. I know this isn’t what you wanted to hear but dad just wouldn’t change for me frequently enough and, like you, I was worried about him getting sore.
 

Shedrech

Volunteer Moderator
Dec 15, 2012
9,175
Yorkshire
maybe @jos112 your dad is no longer grasping what he needs to do to help you with his care and talking him through step by step and slowly may help ... at times, I even acted out for my dad what I wanted him to do .. I also would back off at the first sign of resistance and let him be for a while, trying again later as though I had not mentioned it before, even trying in a different room so he wasn't associating a room with negative feelings .. I did find that sometimes he preferred to be in his bedroom, maybe because it felt more comfortable than the bathroom, with carpet under his feet, so I took a bowl of warm water, flannels, towels etc into his bedroom
sorry if all this is obvious and what you do anyway
 

Cobber

Registered User
Sep 13, 2016
35
Not sure if will help but with mum i have found i cannot tell her anything, somehow i have to suggest she needs to do something snd then offer to help, she has to be in charge, this might take a few goes, ie offer reject, leave for awhile offer, reject so on until we get their, megga frustrating time consuming and ohhh so draining,
 

myss

Registered User
Jan 14, 2018
439
maybe @jos112 your dad is no longer grasping what he needs to do to help you with his care and talking him through step by step and slowly may help ... at times, I even acted out for my dad what I wanted him to do .. I also would back off at the first sign of resistance and let him be for a while, trying again later as though I had not mentioned it before, even trying in a different room so he wasn't associating a room with negative feelings .. I did find that sometimes he preferred to be in his bedroom, maybe because it felt more comfortable than the bathroom, with carpet under his feet, so I took a bowl of warm water, flannels, towels etc into his bedroom
sorry if all this is obvious and what you do anyway
Hi @jos112 I'm sorry to hear you're having this issue with changing your dad but I have to agree with the sentiment that it's not an uncommon situation, my dad's the same!.

However it may frustrate you, sometimes it is best not to aggravate the situation and to leave him to it. What we do is similar to what Shedrech says above - we either try him again in a few minutes later by telling him like it's a usual chore (not asking) or with my dad he eventually feels the uncomfortableness of the pad and is more docile.
We also use a bowl of warm water, flannels, creams etc or if the need is more pressing (my dad sometimes chooses that moment to realise he now wants to go toilet.....!) wet wipes and creams. ;)
 

NickiH

New member
Feb 25, 2020
1
My father has for the last year started to sleep a lot. He has his breakfast then goes to sleep for an hour then wakes up has his lunch then straight to sleep again. He seems to wake up during the late afternoon and evening before bed. How does anyone change the pads when they sleep a lot. If this increases it will be very difficult to change them at all in the day time
 

Weasell

Registered User
Oct 21, 2019
405
Ideas:
Do you lovingly clean the skin every time you change the pad? If he has only urinated, why not try just whipping off the pad and putting the new one straight on with no cleaning whatsoever.
Are using wet wipes that are cold in this weather? Keep them on a radiator or use the dry wipes with warm water.
If he declines a pad change just say ok. Wait 30 minutes and try again.
Where do you change him, is the bathroom cold?
 

Weasell

Registered User
Oct 21, 2019
405
Sometimes it is useful to see the dementia as a cloud, it is over his head at the moment then you will get no co operation whatever you do, just wait for the cloud to sail off a little way and then the person returns.
Also remember when someone has just eaten their blood sugars have risen and they should feel happier and more responsive to suggestions! So try tea and a biscuit ten minutes before change.
 

Cat27

Volunteer Moderator
Feb 27, 2015
11,467
Merseyside
My father has for the last year started to sleep a lot. He has his breakfast then goes to sleep for an hour then wakes up has his lunch then straight to sleep again. He seems to wake up during the late afternoon and evening before bed. How does anyone change the pads when they sleep a lot. If this increases it will be very difficult to change them at all in the day time
Welcome to DTP @NickiH
 

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