After respite..the reality hits...

TinaT

Registered User
Sep 27, 2006
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Costa Blanca Spain
How good of you to share these details. I know they will be here on record for others who are following in our footsteps. I can remember just how I felt when Ken didn't want to go to day care, didn't want anyone to come to the house to look after him. He only wanted me, 24/7. His problems were very much mental as well as physical.

How have they reached the decision that his mental capacity has not been reduced? Very sadly in our case, Ken went onto an assessment ward and was immediately deemed to have no mental capacity to agree to anything.

xxTinaT
 

gigi

Registered User
Nov 16, 2007
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70
East Midlands
How have they reached the decision that his mental capacity has not been reduced?

It's a good question, Tina.

I'm not sure I'm going to have the time tonight to answer it as I'm already being missed and shouted for.

It may be that the SW is playing it by the book. She did say that if I pressed the issue she would then be forced to take it up with her manager.

We're not at that point yet, but I felt reassured that she was giving some leeway..and putting the ball firmly back in my court.

xx
 

Mameeskye

Registered User
Aug 9, 2007
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NZ
I always think that it is interesting that if there is mental capacity to say you do not wish to be in a CH then there is nothing a partner can do about it, even if they are unable to care any longer at home and find it a strain, to the detriment of their own health.

Surely in this case it is not in the interests to lengthen the stay to the detriment of the carer in the home as it would then be unsafe for the person who does not go into the CH. Whilst I know that there are cases where this might be abused it does seem that too often carers own healths, and ability to communicate with the outside world are severely neglected.

I hope that you are able to get things arranged as are best for you Gigi. You have a lot on your plate and I know this must be very hard for you.

(((Hugs)))

Love

Mameeskye
 

Lynne

Registered User
Jun 3, 2005
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Suffolk,England
Gigi, a very interesting & positive review; I hope that feeling thus supported will defuse some of the feelings of being trapped by the situation
(this is how I felt, not saying it's how you feel!) and that 'they' are on your side. The recognition of 'you are struggling' is also a positive thing.

The flexible attitude as regards Respite care is good, as was the offer of extra daytime input at no extra cost.
Whilst the latter might not be what you want at the moment, things are gradually but inexorably changing all the time
- we don't always see it until something makes us look with 'hindsight', do we.

Love & <<<Hugs>>>

PS. I saw a blackbird carrying nesting material this morning - spring's a-coming! (Or perhaps I have particularly DIM birds round here!)
 

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DeborahBlythe

Registered User
Dec 1, 2006
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Hello Gigi, it sounds as if yesterday was thorough and reasonably productive. Did it make you feel a bit better, or are you still worrying? I guess you must be, to some extent.

How are you today?

I'm glad that green woodpecker turned up for you. Are you putting down special treats?
x
 

gigi

Registered User
Nov 16, 2007
7,788
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70
East Midlands
I always think that it is interesting that if there is mental capacity to say you do not wish to be in a CH then there is nothing a partner can do about it, even if they are unable to care any longer at home and find it a strain, to the detriment of their own health.

Mameeskye...this was my point and it was bluntly put to the SW by L.

She asked about my rights as a carer. She stated that she thought my liberty was being deprived if I was caring for Eric unwillingly. And what would SS do if they were to walk in one morning and find that I'd gone...:eek: (Hypothetical question in our case but apparently it happens)

The answer: Emergeny Response Team would spring into action. (Hopefully)

SS would be contacted and reassess the situation.

But they would have to make it clear to Eric..(as he is now) that without me as his main carer he would have to accept either

a) 4 visits a day from the dementia support team to enable him to stay at home

b) full time residential care.


things are gradually but inexorably changing all the time

Yes, they are, Lynne.

Did it make you feel a bit better, or are you still worrying? I

Deborah..I do feel better, thanks.

It does now feel that we're more supported because I've been honest about my feelings.

Part of this struggle has been my own doing, I think.

I've been wearing my nurse's hat as well as my wife's hat.

Have dropped my nurse's hat now..and will try hard to continue with the wife's hat only...:)

We've had a "good" day today.

Looking back now at the start of this thread just makes you realise again the roller coaster of emotions and worries that a carer has to contend with.

It's not an easy journey. It would be harder still without the support of TP.

Love xx
 

jenniferpa

Registered User
Jun 27, 2006
39,442
0
I've always wondered about that issue (carers walking out). We don't hear about it here, because mostly people come to Talking Point to seek help, and I suspect that the people who walk away have been unable to find any help, virtual or actual. Yet I'm sure it happens.
 

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