I did find that the first year was almost lost, as many days, I would find I had done nothing but sat and looked at the wall, and a couple of hours would have gone by without me being aware of it. The second year was harder, because I suppose reality had set in. During the first year, there are all those "firsts" to focus on, the first birthday without him, the first wedding anniversary, first Christmas etc. And then, with the first anniversary of his death comes the realisation that we've gotten through that first year, and nothing is going to change. He's still dead. And then we face into the future by ourselves.
The death of a spouse changes us I think. We lightly refer to our "other half", but we don't really think about that term. We are no longer a complete couple. It leaves a void that can't be filled, even though we may have lots of other things in our lives. We carry an aloneness with us, even though we may not be lonely.
I know I've said it before on the forum, but it bears saying again: Years ago, when someone was bereaved, they wore black for a full year. This gave a visible sign to others that the person was grieving, and they were given the time and space for that. They were not expected to attend social functions. They would not send Christmas cards in that first year. They were generally treated with more gentleness and kindness, because their attire told the world that they were grieving the loss of a loved one. Now, once the funeral is over, everyone goes back to their lives, and because there are no reminders, it is expected that the bereaved person will just get over the loss in weeks. Almost everything in our lives is disposable, replacable, geared to instant gratification, and we subconsciously absorb this, and are completely thrown when we find that it doesn't apply when we lose someone. The loss stays with us.
Wishing you well. It will get better, but it is going to take a lot of time.