After all this time...

[chellebowen]

Hi my name is Michelle and I am new to all this...I signed up last night.

I am 28 and my mum has recently just passed away at the age of 56.

We have all been battling this horrible illness for nearly 14 years.

I was only 14/15 when my mum got diagnosed, back then I didn't really understand, didn't know what was to come and how she was going to react as the years went on.

At such a young age, just leaving school and having to be there for my dad, younger sister at 11 and my mum it was hard.

The first couple of years were not so bad, however it got worse and the journey I have been on has been one big roller coaster. However I wouldn't of changed it for the world. Its made me a better person and the memories I have dealing with it all and looking after my mum I did the best I could to make her proud.

Now she is at peace I feel like a weight has been lifted and she is now in a better place. I just feel for anyone who is going through all this no matter what age you are and want to help in anyway that I can.

As I said this is all new to me so if I don't respond back quickly I am sorry but if there is people out there that need help and I can give that - it would make me happy and I know my mum very proud also.

Thank you

 

[Grannie G]

Hello Michelle

I think your mum would be very proud of you now, you are a credit to her.

Living with dementia is really awful for all of us but when they are as young as you were and your mother was it is even more distressing.

It`s good you realise your mum is at peace now and I really hope you can now give yourself the tender loving care you so obviously gave to your mum.

 

[DMac]

Michelle, hello and welcome to TP.

You are a star and an absolute credit to your mum. I am sure she was very proud of you when she was with you, and now that she has passed on she will continue to be proud of you, wherever she, is looking down on you.

You are so right to say that this is a painful experience, no matter what age you are. Like you, I went through it all first time with my mum; she died of cancer when she was 52 and I was just 25. But like you say, I too experienced a feeling of relief and I now believe she is at peace. I still miss her, but the pain has lessened and I can enjoy the memories of the better times with a smile now.

I'm going through it all again now, but this time with my parents-in-law. It's still painful and very much a roller-coaster. My previous experience of "grieving for the living" sort of helps to some degree, but every person is different and I find myself experiencing new emotions. But I find it helps to read of other peoples' experiences here on TP, and to receive words of encouragement, support and occasional advice.

You don't say how long ago your mum passed away, but it sounds as if you have reached a place of understanding, which is good. But if you ever feel the need to talk again, we're here for you. Take care. xx

 

[chellebowen]

Thank you both for your very kind words, it means so much to me.

DMac I am very sorry to hear of your loss also and the pain your going through currently with your in-laws. I find that as soon as one door closes and you find closure another one opens - but credit to you staying so strong as we all know its very hard.

My mum only passed away last month, I think seeing her in the nursing home and her little face looking so sad its a nice thought to think shes happy now and up there looking down on me.

As you mentioned I am sure I will get periods where I get sad which I am thinking will be Christmas as she wont even be there in the nursing home to go and see but I feel I need to stay strong for her and anything I can do to help others I will.

Its nice to have TP to speak to others I have to admit I think it will help loads.

x

 

[stanleypj]

It's great that you've joined TP chellebowen. The experience of all carers is valuable but as you started so young and 'grew up' whilst you were caring for your mum you are unusual. As it happens, we have a number of teenage carers who have recently joined TP and I would imagine that, as you come across their posts, you may well be able to help and support them having 'been there'.

Here, for instance, is a thread started by a teenager and containing contributions from other young carers:

http://forum.alzheimers.org.uk/showthread.php?81881-Im-14-and-need-someone-hopefully-a-similar-age-to-talk-to