After a walkabout I need some advice

[Flake]

I have been posting on the 'Looking after' Forum but I do think I am in the wrong place. After my mum having a walkabout on Sunday eve and being taken to the police station by a very nice man I think it may be time for her to go into a care home. She was in her slippers, thin summer clothing, had no coat and no money. Now we have had to lock her in her home as there have been times when the door has been left unlocked and ajar and tonight she was waiting to go out again. She was very nasty and keeps talking about being slapped in the face, clipped round the ear and smacked. In fact she talks no sense at all. I assume these things may have happened when she was a child, as she keeps referring to her childhood home and that is where she wants to go. I do not feel she is safe at home,she is not eating or drinking much, hiding uneaten food and her carers are not the best and I am unsure what to do for the best. I am waiting to be assigned a new Social Worker, but feel that I cannot wait and something must be done. What reason can I give to get my Mum to even visit a care home let alone move? I feel guilty enough what I am planning, let alone telling the lies Any ideas? Thanks x x

 

[Beate]

You cannot lock someone in their home if that means they will be on their own. All sorts of things could be happen, she might get agitated, have a fall or not be able to escape a fire. Wandering is serious and not safe either of course so can you contact social services and say you need telecare as an emergency? They could provide trackers or door alarms as a temporary measure while you look at care homes. Social services have a duty of care towards vulnerable adults at risk so tell them it's urgent and she has been picked up by the police. They should have a record of this so it can be proven.

 

[Flake]

You cannot lock someone in their home if that means they will be on their own. All sorts of things could be happen, she might get agitated, have a fall or not be able to escape a fire. Wandering is serious and not safe either of course so can you contact social services and say you need telecare as an emergency? They could provide trackers or door alarms as a temporary measure while you look at care homes. Social services have a duty of care towards vulnerable adults at risk so tell them it's urgent and she has been picked up by the police. They should have a record of this so it can be proven.

Thank you Beate. I think I will make the garden secure whilst I wait for Social Services to do their bit. At least then she can get out of the house. She has the pendant and I think she knows how to use it. I will be ringing social services in the morning and will stress again how urgent this is. Its such a worry

 

[2jays]

Hopefully the police will have put a report through to social services so you get listened to by social services

Walk abouts was my line in the sand for deciding to move mum into care.

xxxxx


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[Babymare01]

When my mum went into a home I told her it was to do tests to find out what was wrong and kept saying that she needed to stay till tests came back when she asked to go home. She didn't remember how long she had been there. I didnt see them as actual lies - more dementia lies and rather then tell her the truth and upset her they seemed to settle her more. Yes I had awful guilt putting my mum in a home - I had said many many years ago I wouldn't - but I also know it was for mums safety and well being as she to was wandering, not eating and generally unsafe at home and I livid 70 miles away. I eventually found a lovely home 10 mins drive away from me so I can see mum nearly everyday and now help feeding her at lunch time etc . Its such a hard decision to make but also the kindest to ensure your loved one is safe and cared for.
I hope you get the help you need and find peace in your decision. Be kind to yourself as you hold in your heart your mothers best well being -hugs xxxx

 

[Flake]

Long phone call to Social Care today. They have suggested an alarmed door mat and an activated message should my mum leave her home. This will then trigger an alarm to the care line who will in turn phone me. Oh and could the neighbours keep a look out for her. Phone call from Care Agency - they have serious concerns about my Mum and are going to contact Social Care. I think I am going to scream

 

[cragmaid]

Don't scream yet, save your voice for now ...

My Mum was like this for quite a while, but it was winter, cold and dark and she wore dark clothes carried her handbag with her life tucked in it and was virtually blind so she carried a whte stick,...... short of a flashing arrow over her head, she could not have yelled "potential victim" louder.

Give the pressure mat a try, could you try putting a chain on her front door ( and you use the back door) so that she would be deterred from going out. Let the care agency shout at Social Care, it might have a better impact from them, and finally, start looking at homes now....find one you like and put Mum's name down. Worry about what you'll tell her ( if she needs telling) when you have a place to tell her about.

 

[canary]

Don't scream yet, save your voice for now ...

My Mum was like this for quite a while, but it was winter, cold and dark and she wore dark clothes carried her handbag with her life tucked in it and was virtually blind so she carried a whte stick,...... short of a flashing arrow over her head, she could not have yelled "potential victim" louder.

Give the pressure mat a try, could you try putting a chain on her front door ( and you use the back door) so that she would be deterred from going out. Let the care agency shout at Social Care, it might have a better impact from them, and finally, start looking at homes now....find one you like and put Mum's name down. Worry about what you'll tell her ( if she needs telling) when you have a place to tell her about.

I agree with cragmaid - dont worry about what you will tell her just yet.
Look around at care homes - as she is a wanderer (like my mum) you will need to find a locked unit so that she is kept safe. Go and visit places and decide where you would like her to be. Good caring staff is much more important than snazzy decor. The best places have a waiting list, so get her name down on one or two that you like.

 

[Flake]

Don't scream yet, save your voice for now ...

My Mum was like this for quite a while, but it was winter, cold and dark and she wore dark clothes carried her handbag with her life tucked in it and was virtually blind so she carried a whte stick,...... short of a flashing arrow over her head, she could not have yelled "potential victim" louder.

Give the pressure mat a try, could you try putting a chain on her front door ( and you use the back door) so that she would be deterred from going out. Let the care agency shout at Social Care, it might have a better impact from them, and finally, start looking at homes now....find one you like and put Mum's name down. Worry about what you'll tell her ( if she needs telling) when you have a place to tell her about.

Thank you for your reply. The front door is locked and the key is lost - cant find it anywhere and Mum uses the back door like a front. Social services have said that she cannot be locked in so I have put the key back in the cupboard and have chained the back gate (to deter garden thieves!), so she can get into the garden. Apparently the carer said she was in her coat waiting to get out yesterday when she was there so the seed is definitely sown. Will tackle Social Services again tomorrow and look into the care homes myself. Have heard who her new social worker is and I have worked with him through my job and he is not the best - oh joy. Could be a conflict of interest so will probably have another wait

 

[Flake]

I agree with cragmaid - dont worry about what you will tell her just yet.
Look around at care homes - as she is a wanderer (like my mum) you will need to find a locked unit so that she is kept safe. Go and visit places and decide where you would like her to be. Good caring staff is much more important than snazzy decor. The best places have a waiting list, so get her name down on one or two that you like.

Thank you. Hope to start that task at the weekend

 

[Flake]

Feeling slightly frustrated

Had a call from my new Social Worker today - told him I had POAs for both health and welfare and financial, and he went on about Court of Protection and Mental Capacity Act Assessment. He wants my Mum checked for a urine infection and kept talking about the pressure/alarm mat. I explained that I work full time and sometimes am not in close proximity to my mums home should she go out and would not be able to get to her quick enough. How do you tell the difference between her going into the garden or on walkabouts. We are now meeting next Monday. Arranged for the GP to go round. She couldnt gain entry as she had forgot key safe number, so posted a urine sample pot through the door. (My mum does not respond to door knocking). I think I was speechless. Got cross with the Social Worker this afternoon as he started back tracking. I said that as I have POA it is my decision as to if respite is needed and has nothing to do with Court of Protection. He then said someone may challenge my decision. I feel I am going round in circles when all I asked for was some help

 

[notsogooddtr]

I think you need to remind SW of their duty of care to your mother who is a vulnerable adult.It drives me mad that social services and NHS can't get to grips with the fact that we have other responsibilities and can't always drop everything.I recently tried to rearrange a hospital appt for my Dad as I had work commitments,it was like talking to a wall.Good luck,don't let SW bully or guilt trip you x

 

[Flake]

I think you need to remind SW of their duty of care to your mother who is a vulnerable adult.It drives me mad that social services and NHS can't get to grips with the fact that we have other responsibilities and can't always drop everything.I recently tried to rearrange a hospital appt for my Dad as I had work commitments,it was like talking to a wall.Good luck,don't let SW bully or guilt trip you x

Thank you.
I am quite good as being professionally arsey - do it all the time with my job and I am prepared for Monday. x

 

[Flake]

Slightly relieved

Well today went quite well. The Dementia service were the first visitors. Fresh memory test done and the score was 18/30. Mum considered to be moderate. Social Worker then arrived. He made an attempt at what I think was an apology and said we had both got our wires crossed. He is happy for Mum to stay at home and to monitor the Care Agency. The gate is now chained the the key readily available for the door should Mum want to go into the garden. I have had a call from one of her previous Care staff who is going solo and would like to become Mums main carer. Am now thinking about this. Feel abit happier today and it reflected in my mum who seemed more settled and managed to eat the whole meal which I gave her. Not sure why the current carers insist on giving odd combinations of food when all my Mum seems to like is old fashioned 'proper' meals.