Hi all, I am not sure whether I am actually looking for advice or looking for confirmation that I have not let my mum down but anyway here goes ... My mum is 60 and has quite advanced dementia, she can now no longer communicate, needs help eating, dressing, bathing and actually I think needs help with everything. She can still walk but will take half an hour trying to get up the stairs as is so unsure of her footing. At present my dad looks after her, with carers coming round 8 hours a day during the week and myself and my siblings looking after my mum on the weekends. My dad, and now my siblings have recently started saying they should look at a home for her. When I am not with her, and I only see my mum once a week I am appalled beyond belief at my mum in a home. She no longer speak or comprehend anything so she there is no chance of her having an idyllic life in a home playing cards with other like minded elderly, I can't even bring myself to think about what would happen to someone who was as advanced as my mother actually in a home. When I am with my mother though, she seems to acknowledge so little of me that I think that why are we causing such a strain on ourselves to keep my mum at home when my mum doesn't even notice she is at home. Essentially my issue is I have three options available to me I think: , 1) accept that I am not a primary carer and am off enjoying my own life and it is my dad's decision whether he looks after my mum at home or puts her in a carehome. 2). Convince my dad and siblings not to put mum in a care home and organise carers 12 hours a day, to limit pressure on family 3). Become main carer or at least take organisation of my mums care. I wouldn't want to have my mum move to my small flat with no garden so would have to really move back to my parents which I really don't want to do as was unhappy while living there last. Really I am just bitter that I am faced with these options while still in my twenties. Thanks for reading, if nothing else, I have found it therapeutic to write this note.