1. chingford

    chingford Registered User

    Nov 28, 2011
    15
    Essex
    :(my wife has alz up till now i have been able to cope.but now in the evening she wants to go to her home.which is not there. this continues till about 9 30 pm when she seems to come back normal. she gets very irritated and calls the police. i am finding this very hard to cope with. she will not accept i am her husband. we have been married 50 years.i have gone with her many times to find this house. when we walk past our house she takes me inside. and some times reality kicks in. and that makes matters worse. she can be very aggressive at times whats next ? chingford.
     
  2. Keely

    Keely Registered User

    Aug 6, 2007
    95
    I am sorry you are going through this it is so hard when those we love most just don't know us and are disorientated. I think it is time you got help with both social services assesment and a older persons psychiatric consultant. I would also read some of the fact sheets re dementia I have found them helpful. Just remember it is not your wife but the illness talking and doing and you can not reason and explain to some one who has lost the ability to reason and understand. I am sure others will be along to give more advice but as hard as it is we all get to a point where we just can't do it all on our own. Thinking of you.
     
  3. Pacucho

    Pacucho Registered User

    Dec 20, 2009
    520
    Wembley, Middlesex
    Hi Chingford

    I am sorry to read you are going through what I experienced with my late mum. She also wanted to go home and I know how hard this must be affecting you.

    It did not matter what I tried I never found something that worked in a consistent manner, and realised it was best to go with the flow. One document that helped me was the following: http://forum.alzheimers.org.uk/showthread.php?30801-Compassionate-Communication-with-the-Memory-Impaired&highlight=communication%20memory%20impaired.

    Hope this helps

    Paco
     
  4. nicoise

    nicoise Registered User

    Jun 29, 2010
    1,807
    Dear Chingford,

    Welcome to the forum - I hope you will find it helpful and supportive.

    Unfortunately, as you are finding, there can be times when new behaviours crop up which are very difficult to cope with. There is no timeline as to how long this new behaviour will last - perhaps not too long. If you are finding it very difficult, contact your GP or CPN to discuss it - they may have some suggestions for possibly medication to calm your wife down if necessary to cope with the agitation and aggression.

    It sounds as though she is "sundowning" - where at the end of the day (daylight into evening time) behaviour alters for the worse - and this wanting to go home is so common. Have a look at this Society helpsheet for some more information:

    http://www.alzheimers.org.uk/site/scripts/documents_info.php?documentID=159

    Best wishes :)
     
  5. Busybee67

    Busybee67 Registered User

    May 5, 2011
    69
    Cambridgeshire
    I am so sorry to hear about your wife. My mum has the same problems in the evening she just keeps saying she wants to go home and no matter how many times you tell her she is home she still says it. I have heard that saying they want to go home actually means they are saying that they are not comfortable in the situation they are in at the time. We have started a different approach now, when she says it, we change something ie: turn the lights up or down, turn some music on or just take her into the kitchen to make a cup of tea and it does seem to work. Also i find she says it when i have been visiting with my kids and i think it is her way of saying "it is time for YOU all to go home".
    Hope this helps a little.

    Take care
    Anita x
     
  6. TaraT

    TaraT Registered User

    Aug 31, 2011
    100
    Manchester
    Hi Chingford,
    Apologies I have no advice but I have the same issue with my mum and have read the responses to your post in the hope of getting some tips from others. Mum also becomes agitated and aggressive for a couple of hours during the evening and will eventuallly come out of it and often wonder what happened. One of your respondees called it "sundowning" - Why does this happen?
    Cathy
     

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