1. Shangles

    Shangles New member

    Oct 12, 2017
    1
    Can anyone please advise the way forward. My mum was collecting her pension every week, the guys in the post office several months ago expressed real concerns she was good no in 2/3 times a week to collect her money, then just stuffing it into an open handbag or coat pocket. We left it hoping things would improve but the guys stopped me a month ago and asked me to do something urgently as they were very concerned. Mum voluntarily gave us her card when we talked about it, and we have been collecting her money every week and putting it in her hands. Almost immediately I now get threatened every day, Mum leaves a voicemail, saying I've burgled her house, ransacked her house, stolen all her money etc. We counted £350 in her purse on Tuesday yet she has left a voicemail tonight saying I have snatched her money out of her hands and the neighbours saw me. I have been working in Ramsgate all day ?!?! This is Killng me. All we are doing is Picking up her money every week but she has got so vicious and nasty. She should have a lot of money in her house but she says she has nothing. Any advice to n the way forward would be greatly appreciated
     
  2. SnowWhite

    SnowWhite Registered User

    Nov 18, 2016
    699
    What about getting her a lockable cash box and keeping the key. Show her the money in the box and tell her it's hers but you are worried it will be lost or stolen. Give her what you consider enough for bits and pieces she might need and see how that goes.
     
  3. LadyA

    LadyA Registered User

    Oct 19, 2009
    13,478
    Ireland
    Oh dear. This is unfortunately very common. And very difficult to deal with.
    If you feel there should be a lot more money than there is, it could be that your mum is hiding her money, as she is so afraid that you are stealing it. You may want to discretely start searching for it, if you can, and squirrel away any extra you find in your mum's bank account.
     
  4. Oh Knickers

    Oh Knickers Registered User

    Nov 19, 2016
    500
    Shangles,
    .
    This is a very common theme. However, it is also an accident waiting to happen. You have done the wise thing of getting her to hand over her card. It is horrible to be at the coal face of paranoia like this.

    Other thoughts are to get her a befriender and outings should your mum be able to afford this. Age UK can provide this. All their befrienders are dementia trained and have DBS. There is a cost. A friend of my organised this for her difficult MIL and it was a success. The alternative is to get her out to clubs should your mum agree.

    Has your mum had any assessments and do you POA of health and Welfare and Finance?

    COntacts that might be helpful for guidance are listed below. In addition, they have a lot of local knowledge. Put in your mum's postcode on the first page and the local contact numbers will come up.

    Alzheimers Society
    https://www.alzheimers.org.uk/

    Age UK
    http://www.ageuk.org.uk/information-and-advice/
     
  5. Tin

    Tin Registered User

    May 18, 2014
    4,829
    UK
    You are doing the right thing by collecting her pension for her, if the post office people are concerned and mentioned it to you, then carry on. The chances are that she is hiding her money in the house, my mum did this while she was still living alone hundred miles away from me and my visits to her were few and far between, but I would get phone calls from her asking if I had helped myself to her money because she could not find it. She could not find it because she had hidden it somewhere safe but forgot where, of course she denied this! Found most in shoe boxes, pillowcases, pockets and other handbags.
     
  6. Rosettastone57

    Rosettastone57 Registered User

    Oct 27, 2016
    910
    Sadly as others have said this is a very common theme around money . With my mother-in-law as soon as we got lasting power of attorney over her finances we went paperless at the bank she eventually realised that she was not getting any paper statements through so this in her mind meant that she had no money left and we were stealing it.

    All we did to get over this was print off a statement for her which seem to satisfy her for a little bit. We also gave her an old debit card that was well out of date which gives her some sort of control in her eyes. Due to her poor mobility she was never going to go out and use it anyway. She also hides things continuously including a small amount of change that I gave her again to try and feel that she had some control over her finances.
     
  7. Pear trees

    Pear trees Registered User

    Jan 25, 2015
    442
    As others have said, the worry about money is very common. Before I got POA my mum was drawing £300 every week or even few days and hiding the money round the house. I found over £2000 in weird places and put a stop on her drawing any more.
    My mum accused me of stealing it every time I saw her and told everyone I never bought her any food, even though her purse had money and her cupboards were full!
    I gave her bags of pennies to count endlessly, but you could try fake money in her purse providing she does not try to spend it!
     

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