Advice please....

[smailes]

Morning everyone, please could someone help and advise me. My mum has a diagnosis of alzheimers. Two years ago now which she refused to accept. She was offered medication and because she still had capacity at the time of her diagnosis she refused. Two years on, understandably her dementia is in quite a rapid decline. I am effectively her only relative who is helping to organise things but because of a strained up bringing I am not her carer as such. I liase with Social services and her G.P and have managed to convince her over time to accept carers three times a day. much to her disapproval. Anyway thats bit of history. The advice that I am looking for is that I now believe she is in need of more full time round the clock monitoring and think she may be ready for a care home.
Her personel hygiene is non-excsistent now. She is very verbally aggressive. When she is not being aggressive is non-compliant and doesn't engage. She has been found outside her flat on occasions by her carer after leaving the door open. She sometimes refuses to accept food from the carers. I believe that staying at home now poses a risk. She has a mental health assessment in a few weeks and I wonder if anybody had any advice as to what I can say to the doctors to aid my request. I don't want have to wait until she is wandering alone at night and the police find her before something is done.
I hope someone can help as I believe the professionals are keen to keep her in her own hoe whereas I think now she at risk being at home. She also has access to gas still in her flat.
Please help
Roz S

 

[little shettie]

Hi Roz, its a difficult situation. I'm sure you're correct about SS wanting mum to stay in her own home however, if she is at risk which it sounds like that's the emphasis you need to go with. Tell them that mum does wander and you are concerned for her wellbeing etc. You have to lay it on thick otherwise they will walk all over you. Been there, bought the t-shirt!!!! Write down all the cons of mum living alone before this meeting and go through them in your head so you know what you're going to say. I take it you don't have Power of Attorney? This would've helped tremendously, however all is not lost but you will have to shout loud and stand firm. Trust me. Do you have someone who can be with you at the meeting to back you up so to speak? That's always helps I find. But don't give up. Can you get her GP on side? I know again its hard if you don't have POA as they won't speak to you however, if you wrote a letter to the GP (which I have done in the past) outlining your concerns, that should really help. Good luck and please post again let us know how it all went. x

 

[LadyA]

I hope you can get your mum the help she needs. I had a bit of a discussion recently with someone about the increasing official idea that a PWD should be allowed to decide to stay in their own home "if that's their decision - people have the right to make that decision" - and, it seems, increasingly, regardless of the risk to them. My argument was that if we see someone about to commit suicide by jumping off a bridge, we stop them - but isn't that their decision? Don't they have the right to make that decision? (and I'm not at all advocating that we should allow them to jump!!). I was just making the point that a PWD becomes increasingly at as much risk of injury or death, eventually - so they can't say that "that's their right to make that decision". Obviously, no-one who has mental capacity to make rational decisions would decide to put themselves at such risk as your mother appears to be increasingly doing.

POA does make things easier - but it isn't always something we can obtain. My late husband would never have given me or anyone else POA. Paranoia was a large feature of his dementia - indeed even before he developed dementia, paranoia was a feature of his life - and he would never have given anyone what he perceived as "power" over him. I managed though - and I have to say, his GP was fantastic. Once he realised there was a problem, he was quite willing to discuss my husband's condition with me, and because I couldn't talk in front of my husband, I always sent him a report on how things were (and every other professional we dealt with) prior to appointments.

 

[Chemmy]

Maybe you could try and keep a diary of her behaviour in the period leading up to the assessment and send it to the clinic in advance, along with a written report of your concerns. That means you are not trying to talk about her whilst she is sitting there, which we all know is very difficult.

 

[tigerlady]

I agree with the others about shouting very loud for your Mum to be assessed by her LA, but if you feel a care home would be the best option for her, here is a factsheet about selling a home to pay for care. You are allowed a 12 week disregard and then, if the house is not sold by then, you can arrange a deferred payment with the LA

http://www.ageuk.org.uk/Documents/E...rmanent_care_home_provision_fcs.pdf?dtrk=true


Here is another which should be read in conjunction with it

http://www.ageuk.org.uk/Documents/E..._permanent_residential_care_fcs.pdf?dtrk=true

 

[smailes]

Thank guys

Thanks little shettie, I have been in contact with her carer and she also said we need to elaborate the risks she is exposed to. Writing stuff down is great advice. It will help me remember. My husband is coming down with me but I'm not sure whether having the carer there swell will increase her bad behaviour. She just refuses to speak when she's under pressure. understandably. LadyA Her G.P is brilliant and luckily before my mum had lost capacity on one of her lucid days she agreed that I could be involved with her health records.Unfortunately I didn't get POA. it was something I wasn't particularly keen on due to our relationship. Also for every social worker she has had I have obtained an email address and every concern has been emailed to them. So intact there has been a paper trail for some time. This was in case something did happen but now its just a matter of time now.
Talking in front of her is a nightmare so writing a report beforehand is great advice Chemmy. I have a point of contact that I could send it to. The assessment isn't till next month and I'm visiting my mum this week so it will be an accurate report.
Its a matter of risk now. I had wanted her to go into sheltered housing when she was first diagnosed but they insisted she stayed at home, now we are two years in, no medication for the condition at all and clearly on her way to the advance stages.

Thank you for all ya help and if theres anything you can think of please give a thought.

Roz