Advice please

EmilySd

Registered User
Dec 30, 2015
17
Derby
My Granddad has vascular dementia, he still lives in his home with my Grandma, so she looks after him everyday. We try and go up every weekend and we call Grandma every three days or so, sometimes more. We cannot see them as much as we'd like as it's difficult to make plans around our working hours, but Grandma is ok with this as she knows we'll be up in no time if she needed us.
Now I need some advice: Mum and I had a little talk about what else we could do to help as Grandma struggles with Granddad sometimes as he can get snappy and he just talks about one subject all day, but neither of them or us want to put him in a home yet as she isn't ready. Does anyone on here stay over at their parents/grandparents house for a night or so during the week to give
the other person some respite? We think it'll really help both him and her as I could stay on a Friday night, help with dinner and keep them both company, it'll give grandma some time to get her things done whilst I sit with granddad. Does this sound good? If so, how do I mention this to Grandma in a way that won't make it sound patronising?

Thanks!

Emily


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Shedrech

Volunteer Moderator
Dec 15, 2012
8,442
Yorkshire
Hi EmilySd
What a lovely idea - you are a superstar!
Why not say to them that you'd like to see more of them but the travelling is such a nuisance, especially in winter, so would they mind if you stayed over one night a week, it would be so much easier for you. That way, they are doing you a favour. Especially if they also let you try out some new recipes you want their opinion on before you serve up the dish for some friends who are a bit critical.
Once you have the regular visits set up, it'll be easier to convince your gran to go out to do something for herself, or maybe a friend of hers could be roped in to suggest a meet up for morning coffee on Saturday - or whatever your gran would enjoy.
I hope you all enjoy your weekly visits :)
 

pippop1

Registered User
Apr 8, 2013
501
That's very kind. Maybe you could offer to bring dinner (something nice and easy from M & S for example) so Grandma gets a night off cooking too.
 

AnneED

Registered User
Feb 19, 2012
81
East Yorkshire UK
That's a great idea. The other options would be a day care arrangement at a centre or home where your Grandad goes for the main part of the day - if there's one that has an activity he enjoys that would be ideal - cards, dominoes, 'fitness', crafts, or has a 'bar' maybe ( they'd probably have to contribute financially to this) or a respite visitor - the Alzheimers Society usually know about or organise these is most areas and the visitor does something for a few hours to give the carer that time off.
 

EmilySd

Registered User
Dec 30, 2015
17
Derby
Hi EmilySd
What a lovely idea - you are a superstar!
Why not say to them that you'd like to see more of them but the travelling is such a nuisance, especially in winter, so would they mind if you stayed over one night a week, it would be so much easier for you. That way, they are doing you a favour. Especially if they also let you try out some new recipes you want their opinion on before you serve up the dish for some friends who are a bit critical.
Once you have the regular visits set up, it'll be easier to convince your gran to go out to do something for herself, or maybe a friend of hers could be roped in to suggest a meet up for morning coffee on Saturday - or whatever your gran would enjoy.
I hope you all enjoy your weekly visits :)
Thank you so much for such a positive response! A coffee idea for Grandma is also great! Thank you!


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EmilySd

Registered User
Dec 30, 2015
17
Derby
That's a great idea. The other options would be a day care arrangement at a centre or home where your Grandad goes for the main part of the day - if there's one that has an activity he enjoys that would be ideal - cards, dominoes, 'fitness', crafts, or has a 'bar' maybe ( they'd probably have to contribute financially to this) or a respite visitor - the Alzheimers Society usually know about or organise these is most areas and the visitor does something for a few hours to give the carer that time off.
Thank you! We will look into some day care to see what we can find. I previously worked at a local home where they offered respite but Grandma is worried about 'being a bad wife' , you know? It's so hard! But day care is definitely a good option thanks so much!


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EmilySd

Registered User
Dec 30, 2015
17
Derby
That's very kind. Maybe you could offer to bring dinner (something nice and easy from M & S for example) so Grandma gets a night off cooking too.
Great idea! I have baked cakes before for pudding which always go down well, so doing dinner would be even better! Thanks!


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