Advice please!!

Jane1

Registered User
Mar 3, 2007
54
Leicestershire
How does mum cope when dad MUST do something NOW? Example, the car is due to be serviced in May, but of course he has no understanding of when May is so it comes up every couple of weeks and dad is very insistant it must be done now. Mum tries to explain but is getting increasingly frustrated. I find i want to help them both and have to say none of us are coping too well. We have such a long road ahead too!
Thanks
 

Grannie G

Volunteer Moderator
Apr 3, 2006
71,740
Kent
Hi Jane.

Can your dad cope with a calendar? I have one in the kitchen. It`s the cheapest and therefore the most basic . A simple widely spaced line for each day, with no pictures to distract.

I write down just the items my husband frets about, like appointments and holiday dates. He`s there and back like a yo yo, but it`s helpful to him.

Just an idea.
 

Skye

Registered User
Aug 29, 2006
17,000
SW Scotland
Hi Jane

The calendar's a good idea if your dad can read it. My husband can't, and yes, the constant questions drive me mad.

The only way round it for me is not to tell him anything until the night before, or even the morning something is going to happen. I still get the when? where? why? who?, but it does cut it down.

I'm afraid there is little else that works. Your dad knows something has to be done, and he's frightened he'll forget, so he keeps asking.

I'm afraid it's part of the disease, and something we have to learn to cope with, though someone else may have some ideas.

Love,
 

Tender Face

Account Closed
Mar 14, 2006
5,379
NW England
Hi Jane, don't where your dad's at (is it HIS car? Is he still able to drive?)

I've given up with any kind of diary or calendar for mum .... in our case she forgets to look at it or forgets where she's put it ..... Current 'strategy' is 'You don't have to worry about anything, I'll remind you.' Then again, at the mo mum seems happy that someone else is taking charge of everything ... how long this might last????

Is dad worrying about the car itself? Could you 'pretend' to have run it round to the garage? Reassure him it's ok for a while longer yet and try not to pin down (for him) a particular time/day/month for when you know it has to go back for real etc?

Doesn't seem fair does it that when they can remember something - but not quite everything about it, they get anxious about it ...... and we try to help them to 'forget it' .....?

Love, Karen, x
 

Margarita

Registered User
Feb 17, 2006
10,824
london
The only way round it for me is not to tell him anything until the night before, or even the morning something is going to happen.


Yes I have to do that as I learn the hard way in telling mum before hand any dates , I not being rude , but I could put a calendar right next to her bed and she still ask me , because she forget to look at the calendar , but then maybe your dad not at that stage yet so you could try the calendar . as time go on you end up learning that you and your mother are your father calendar , hopefully he forget it , if you keep repeating it nicely showing him the calendar . I just had to keep saying to my mother 2 mouths 8 weeks and keep going down from there , when she was waiting for the appointment that she has done every 3 mouths to have her toe nails cut , because she is diabetics , or then she pop up with how long is it now for my toes to be cut . Now I just don’t tell her I have made an appointment, until if only she ask. I can’t lie and say I have not made the appointment or she bug me and not stop asking till I tell her the date and then we start the count down , but any other appointment I do not tell her
 

Margarita

Registered User
Feb 17, 2006
10,824
london
PS

Also I find with my mother when she wants something done now, its because she is bored and wants something to do or go, or is worry about something . you could try in distracting him in doing something that you think he like or say your going take him out in the car or for a walk
 

Jane1

Registered User
Mar 3, 2007
54
Leicestershire
Thanks for the ideas. He has got a calender and we talk about things being however many pages away. Sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn't! It is still his car he refers to as rightly or wrongly he is still driving a little. However his doctors appt is on Friday when we have blood tests back and further tests to do. My feeling is that the diagnosis will just be a confirmation of what we already know. At least we may get a little help then,this site is my leaning post:)
 

cris

Registered User
Aug 23, 2006
326
70
Chelmsford
Hi. I used to use a calendar, but that does not work now, because it is not looked at. Now "distraction" or changing the subject works, also do not point events that are happening too far ahead. I stick to the day of the event or maybe the day before. Also writing on a piece of paper, and leaving it in a prominent position when the event is (not a list of events only 1) so that my wife can constantly see it, but you may also need to add a time scale ie now is march next month april, then may and car to be serviced etc.
cris