1. Sally K

    Sally K Registered User

    Jun 9, 2011
    My Mum is currently being assessed for dementia/alzheimers, but its very apparent to us as a family that her memory is fading. My question is whilst this is quite new to us all as a family (although my Nanna had Alzheimers, but we were alot younger then) when my Mum forgets something, are we supposed to remind her that she has forget? Is this going to make her feel really silly that she keeps forgetting things, like the fact I had called her to tell her I would take her shopping one evening, and when I went to pick her up to take her shopping she said I had never caller her up that day. Do I keep pointing these thing out or do I just let them drop? Thanks for any advice.
  2. chucky

    chucky Registered User

    Feb 17, 2011
    Hi, its usually best not to keep reminding because she will forget the reminder quickly too. I learned never to remind and i spent all day repeating the same things over and over, which can drive you to distraction before too long. I used to say things like, you did know i told you, or you were told about that this morning, but then it turned into a battle of wills. Its easier just to say what needs to be said/done as it comes up. If for example theres a Dr appt for noon, i would tell my dad at 11am then it was only an hour of the same questions. I never told my dad anything till the last minute because he kicked off big style if it was something he was resistant to do. Its entirely up to you of course, I found life easier if i kept him in the dark till it was necessary to tell him.
  3. sussexsue

    sussexsue Registered User

    Jun 10, 2009
    West Sussex
    Hi and welcome.

    It is the hardest thing to get used to. Presuming she does have dementia then reminding her is pointless and will just stress you both. I think once we come to accept this it is easier on us all. It is very frustrating though.

    take care and hope the assessment goes OK

  4. grobertson62

    grobertson62 Registered User

    Mar 7, 2011
    I too never used to remind dad as it would stress him & me out

    we did invest in a white board on which I wrote relevant things down for the day

    though sometimes he would forget to look!!

  5. Redwitch

    Redwitch Registered User

    Mar 24, 2011
    Horsham, West Sussex
    Hi Sally,

    Like you I am fairly new to this, and Mum still hasn't had the test results, but we became aware some months ago that she was forgetting more and more.

    We devised some "flash cards" like my children used to have, with words and pictures to prompt her i.e Wash hair, I have laminated these and leave them out in the mornings:). I also write appointments on the calendar, but she doesn't always look at it:(.

    I hope you find something that works for you ;)


  6. BeckyJan

    BeckyJan Registered User

    Nov 28, 2005
    Hello and welcome to TP.

    I think memory boards and writing things down can be helpful. It seems unfair to remind someone suffering from dementia of their weaknesses. However when I needed my husband to see a Doctor about his 'memory problems' I did occasionally gently point out his forgetfulness and told him he could get medication to help. Once that was achieved there was no point in it.

    You may find this factsheet useful; there is a paragraph about memory aids.


    Best wishes
  7. jackanory

    jackanory Registered User

    May 10, 2011
    What i did

    I am in the same position as your mum ,i have dementia and find it hard remembering a lot of things . time and everyday things are hard i got myself a memory board ,and one for weekly things but just try not to correct mum it wont help wish you all the best take care jackenory.
  8. lin1

    lin1 Registered User

    Jan 14, 2010
    East Kent
    Hi Sally welcome to TP

    Do you keep reminding someone who is forgetting things

    If it causes them distress or they deny that you have told them
    then I think its best not to.

    Am putting a link to a thread called, Compassionate communication with the memory impaired

    which you may find helpful

    do try to remember that you would have to be a saint to follow it all the time, we all get exasperated and upset at times
  9. sue38

    sue38 Registered User

    Mar 6, 2007
    Wigan, Lancs
    I learnt (eventually :eek:) not to say 'For goodness sake Dad, I told you about that appointment last week and reminded you TWICE yesterday!' and to say instead 'Did I forget to tell you? I'm sorry that was my fault'. The earlier response led to distress for both of us. The second took a huge gulp on my part but made life easier. It's often said asking someone with dementia to remember is like asking a blind person to see.

    It's a difficult adjustment, and please don't be hard on yourself.

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