Donna, I'm beginning to get the impression they're fairly easy to make for yourself ...
Thanks to one and all for messages (although I think I'll pass on the wig - it's not going to suit me!). Long conversation with the home manageress this morning. Their perception is that Mum is doing well, is making friends, is chatty and sociable and is fitting in well with staff and some of the other residents, having made a couple of friends among them. She seeing the GP weekly, BP being monitored, being weighed regularly, and no medical concerns. They'd rather she show the wit to write letters, even if unfortunate for recipients, and wouldn't attempt to stop her - they don't feel they have anything to hide (the managerss's grandmother is a resident herself). So it is us that are bearing the brunt, giving the (far from atypical) refusal to believe that anything is wrong. I will arrange the 6 week review meeting soon, and resign myself to several years of bearing the brunt.
So, time to decide which wall to have the red spot on. Our kitchen is pale green, so I'll have to bang my head somewhere else. Are red spots on tiled walls easier to keep clean?
I have read your posts, and like others have expressed, wonder that for all my relationship with mum has had its 'ups and downs', certainly nothing like you have had/are experiencing.
I feel I have had nothing to 'contribute' to you - until today.
Picked mum up from hospital this morning and nurses reported her 'confusion' through the night - at which I was tearful for HER sake. Soon as I got her home she told me (3 times in 10 minutes) "I could have come home, you know, only they rang you and there was no answer".
Didn't 'argue', but it gutted me. I have run myself into a physical rag these last 48 hours (not to mention the last few weeks/months etc....) First time she has 'had a go' and - boy, it hurt! Pretty steep learning curve, this one, ain't it? (I have actually checked with the ward that is is NOT my paranoia - and no, no-one rang!!!! But for a moment I started to cast my self as reckless daughter who had ignored a ringing phone).
Anyway, this was just to say, I learnt a 'smidgeon' of what you are going through today and wish you love and luck.
tried a tiled wall, you can polish off the imprint left but i was left with red spots before my eyes
so i thought i'd try and get a red spotted pillowcase and use a pillow instead (i am a bit of a coward)
Hi Dave, as a son who experiences the same sort of regular ***t and has done so for years I have come to the conclusion - and been told the same by care home staff etc - that my unique role in the family as far as MUm is concerened is that I am the family dustbin!!! But if you think about it everybody needs a dustbin and so whilst others in our enjoy more flattering and enjoyable roles regarding MUm I am actually performing a vital service for her in this her time of great distress and sadness. She loves me to bits underneath all the ***t - and so does your Mum. It really hurts I know and it always will hurt I reckon, however remember how pleased you are (I certainly am!) when you see the rubbish men arrive on rubbish day to empty your bin. This is I believe the same sort of feeling our Mums get when we arrive on the scene. Not much comfort I am able to offer but hopefully some reassurance that you are performing a unique service for your Mum even if she isnt able to tell you so. Hang in there Dave, you sre not alone. Take care, Hugh
Hugh, thanks for a message that's made me smile - even if I am sitting here for some reason thinking about Ted Rogers and Dusty Bin. (Blimey, it must be past my bedtime!). And I don't know why, but it's made my think about my Dad too (dead for 6 years now, and a wonderful man: I've missed him more than ever that last few months, and I'm so glad for him that he's not living through this, much as it would be a comfort to have him around).
Off to see Mum with her dog tomorrow night, along with my friend who's now looking after the little mutt (she's a sweet little dog, and I'd have taken her in myself ifmy other half wasn't allergic!), so fingers crossed that will cheer her up. She also doesn't tend to 'have a go' in front of others. And Deena's promising me a pint afterwards. Bribery always works, eh? Will be on my best dustbin behaviour for her - fragrant and freshly lined