• All threads and posts regarding Coronavirus COVID-19 can be found in our area specifically for Coronavirus COVID-19 discussion.

    You can directly access this area >here<.

Advice please

Dawag

New member
Aug 8, 2021
9
0
Hi thank you all for your advice and support when I initially posted- now need some more!
So Mum is awaiting referral to the memory clinic which she has agreed to go to. Mums GP has referred her for an MRI scan which came via text and I stupidly read it out! So total hysteria and refusing to go. Appointment not until 24th of October, so haven’t mentioned it again at the moment. Mum has continued to deteriorate but she’s not yet at the stage where I could “Hoodwink” her into attending. I am currently still staying nights with mum as she cannot really manage dressing and undressing and taking her medication, she also tends to panic after dark, however I have home commitments And this is difficult. I am worried that without a proper diagnosis I won’t know how to help her or what to expect next. A family friend who knows mum well, says I am enabling mum to refuse help by always being available, which I understand, and she does mean well, if I stop spending the night Will it encourage mum to agree to help? She understand s what is happening to her but I don’t feel I can leave her as I am all she has. Also she has deteriorated quite quickly since I have been there for her, for example dressing and medication and not being able to do simple tasks. She seems okay during the day although I do get phone calls and have to nip up there, I’m only five minutes in the car. So any advice appreciated thanks
 

Duggies-girl

Registered User
Sep 6, 2017
2,762
0
Hi @Dawag and welcome to Talking Point. Diagnosis or no diagnosis your mum is not likely to improve unless there is another underlying cause for her deterioration. You have got yourself into a situation many of us will recognise as a carer for your mum. It creeps up on you and there you are 'a full time carer'

If you are willing to carry on until you get a diagnosis then do so but you will need to put some care plan in action soon or it will inevitably be you and your previous life will all but disappear. Your mums deterioration sounds quite fast and if she is unable to dress herself and do other simple tasks then she is probably going to need fulltime care quite soon. I used to visit dad for breakfast and then back in the evening for his dinner and medication. I would also take him shopping or out for lunch and to appointments. The time spent always increased and it never got easier. Dad was okay during the day for a while until he wasn't and on it goes.

Do keep posting as this is a really helpful place and you will get a lot of support.
 

MaNaAk

Registered User
Jun 19, 2016
5,156
0
Essex
Hi thank you all for your advice and support when I initially posted- now need some more!
So Mum is awaiting referral to the memory clinic which she has agreed to go to. Mums GP has referred her for an MRI scan which came via text and I stupidly read it out! So total hysteria and refusing to go. Appointment not until 24th of October, so haven’t mentioned it again at the moment. Mum has continued to deteriorate but she’s not yet at the stage where I could “Hoodwink” her into attending. I am currently still staying nights with mum as she cannot really manage dressing and undressing and taking her medication, she also tends to panic after dark, however I have home commitments And this is difficult. I am worried that without a proper diagnosis I won’t know how to help her or what to expect next. A family friend who knows mum well, says I am enabling mum to refuse help by always being available, which I understand, and she does mean well, if I stop spending the night Will it encourage mum to agree to help? She understand s what is happening to her but I don’t feel I can leave her as I am all she has. Also she has deteriorated quite quickly since I have been there for her, for example dressing and medication and not being able to do simple tasks. She seems okay during the day although I do get phone calls and have to nip up there, I’m only five minutes in the car. So any advice appreciated thanks
The way to get her to that appointment is to use love lies and if you have any special days before then use them to distract her.

Good luck

MaNaAk
 

Bunpoots

Volunteer Host
Apr 1, 2016
5,773
0
Nottinghamshire
Hi @Dawag

I always felt my dad wouldn’t be “hoodwinked” into attending any of his appointments so I used a mixed of bribery and half truth to get him to his appointments. For example I’d tell him we were going for lunch after he’d been for his check-up. When he noticed that he was at the MH unit of the hospital I’d tell him the clinic was there due to the other clinic being refurbished…

I had to wing it, it made me feel like a con-artist but once dad was in the clinic he was ok with the doctors and the promised treat for afterwards stopped him obsessing about what the “idiot doctor” (his words) had said.
 

MaNaAk

Registered User
Jun 19, 2016
5,156
0
Essex
Hi @Dawag

I always felt my dad wouldn’t be “hoodwinked” into attending any of his appointments so I used a mixed of bribery and half truth to get him to his appointments. For example I’d tell him we were going for lunch after he’d been for his check-up. When he noticed that he was at the MH unit of the hospital I’d tell him the clinic was there due to the other clinic being refurbished…

I had to wing it, it made me feel like a con-artist but once dad was in the clinic he was ok with the doctors and the promised treat for afterwards stopped him obsessing about what the “idiot doctor” (his words) had said.
Dad came to regard his hospital trips as an outing especially as our hospital had Costas!

MaNaAk
 

Grannie G

Volunteer Moderator
Apr 3, 2006
74,389
0
Kent
if I stop spending the night Will it encourage mum to agree to help?

Hello @Dawag

The struggle with possible dementia is your mum may not have the logic necessary for bargaining and this is the problem your family friend doesn`t appreciate.

You could try leaving her at night to see how she manages by telling her you have to be at home. She may be fine and is unlikely to come to harm but it is a chance to take. I`m sure you`ll get little sleep that night worrying about your mum but it might be better than you fear.

I used to visit my mother night and morning before and after work . She was very confused but didn`t come to harm. There was no other way it could be managed because I was working full time.

I discussed very little with her about appointments etc. When the time came, as it happened, we just said we were taking her to a doctor to see if there was something to help her.
 

Members online

Forum statistics

Threads
121,099
Messages
1,773,637
Members
72,121
Latest member
Carer for mum