advice please

[jennifer1967]

havent posted for a few days. ive just been getting through the days although the phone call has been the elephant in the room. weve been keeping out of each others way to a certain degree. my scooter has been fully charged so i can go out if necessary.
he is now dithering again. he doesnt want the endoscopy as he doesnt want to find out the results but he wants it for me. no not having that guilt on my head and a weapon he can throw at me anytime he wants. he doesnt want to speak to the consultant at phone appt at 5pm. which leaves that one up to me. i feel like running anywhere but thats the cowards way out. i will be there. i have not slept great and my stomach is churning.
hes at mens sheds this morning so had a break. not sure what mood he will come in but he has to finish defrosting the freezer. even my knitting is suffering. took it back 3 rows as i wasnt concentrating. hes looking to me to be his strength and deal with things for him. wish me good luck as i dont think this will easy.

 

[jennifer1967]

Dear @jennifer1967 ,

Good luck with that appointment and try to keep appointment.

MaNaAk

thank you @MaNaAk im keeping the appt, just wish it was earlier

 

[jennifer1967]

the appt came and results, he has dysphasia which we knew about. theyve looked at his polyps and he thinks they are most likely benign. it wouldnt be in his best interests to have endoscopy given his other illnesses for 2-5% chance it could be cancer. he said it wouldnt be in his best interests to have surgery even if it was so nothing to be gained by finding out and has discharged him. blood tests every 6 months.
all the rest ive given up. no one listened. its not valid.

 

[MaNaAk]

the appt came and results, he has dysphasia which we knew about. theyve looked at his polyps and he thinks they are most likely benign. it wouldnt be in his best interests to have endoscopy given his other illnesses for 2-5% chance it could be cancer. he said it wouldnt be in his best interests to have surgery even if it was so nothing to be gained by finding out and has discharged him. blood tests every 6 months.
all the rest ive given up. no one listened. its not valid.

Hugs

MaNaAk

 

[MaNaAk]

Good morning @jennifer1967 ,

Are you okay today?

MaNaAk

 

[jennifer1967]

Good morning @jennifer1967 ,

Are you okay today?

MaNaAk

good morning @MaNaAk didnt sleep well and its going to be a bit of a steep hill to climb but i will get there. rain doesnt help matters. all the thoughts were going around in my head so had a busy night. the flu injection to look forward to as well. another day in paradise!!!!

 

[MaNaAk]

I hope that flu jab goes well. Have you read @Izzy's old thread 'Some Days Are Diamonds' you will get there?

MaNaAk

 

[jennifer1967]

I hope that flu jab goes well. Have you read @Izzy's old thread 'Some Days Are Diamonds' you will get there?

MaNaAk

thank you @MaNaAk yes i have and actually got the song up on my phone as well. my son not coming today, theyve put my grandson on part-time timetable so gives us more time. hes autistic. i am determined if nothing else. have a good day and dont get too wet

 

[jennifer1967]

flu jab done. booked his for october so all sorted. booster for covid is 6 months after the second jab so i thought i would do it before then. sharps box arrived yesterday.
started the once a week injection this morning for my type 2 diabetes. very easy to understand and tiniest needle. they said side effects of feeling sick which i amk so took a sickness tablet and see how i go. its helps you to lose weight as well so i weigh myself as a baseline to compare how much im losing on the injection. i cant exercise or eat the diabetic diet, this is the only way to control it. those who post in @Grannie G healthy weight loss posters are a lot better than i am.
my husband was painting in the shed monday and wasnt well yesterday. maybe over done it but seems brighter today.

 

[MaNaAk]

I hope you're okay @jennifer1967 as you've been very quiet with this thread. Hopefully your husband is settled.

MaNaAk

 

[jennifer1967]

I hope you're okay @jennifer1967 as you've been very quiet with this thread. Hopefully your husband is settled.

MaNaAk

good afternoon @MaNaAk. i just felt like i was moaning and whinging all the time. ive been feeling down and withdrawn. he is better on the memantine although i can see a definite slide. i have to repeat myself a few times for him to understand what im saying. its the understanding that he finds difficult and it is frustrating but up til now, i have answered like its the first time most of the time or not said anything in the first place. with him upsetting me, its defeated me and given up on professionals. they gave me the impression that either they dont believe me or i dont deserve it. others on here have worse problems than me. he still argues with me and shouts but its more manageable. OPMH say the emphasis is on me to go out of the room and he has capacity so i dont get help until he consents.
i bet you are glad you asked now @MaNaAk. im also having problems sleeping. the diabetic injection has left me bloated that i dont want to eat. i dont want to be a burden on others

 

[jennifer1967]

ive had a better nights sleep than ive done in a couple of months because i put into words how i was feeling. i tend to get swallowed up in the caring and appts of PWD. sorting their problems out, talking to doctors about them that sometimes need to be reminded to get enjoyment out of your own life. to give yourself permission to imagine a nice place to escape to in your mind even just for a few minutes to bring a bit of joy and comfort.

 

[MaNaAk]

ive had a better nights sleep than ive done in a couple of months because i put into words how i was feeling. i tend to get swallowed up in the caring and appts of PWD. sorting their problems out, talking to doctors about them that sometimes need to be reminded to get enjoyment out of your own life. to give yourself permission to imagine a nice place to escape to in your mind even just for a few minutes to bring a bit of joy and comfort.

I'm pleased to hear this @jennifer1967 is there men's shed tomorrow and are you able to get out today?

MaNaAk

 

[jennifer1967]

I'm pleased to hear this @jennifer1967 is there men's shed tomorrow and are you able to get out today?

MaNaAk

thank you @MaNaAk yes mens sheds tomorrow and hes going to look at mobility scooters for himself afterwards. we have 2 shops where hes going to be. ive been out for the paper today as thre shopping gets delivered today. ive started on some little shoes which are more straight forward.

 

[Melles Belles]

@jennifer1967 do you think your husband could safely drive a mobility scooter? Maybe make sure he doesn’t get one of the faster ones so he’s safer. Is someone going with him?
I hope you still get to go out on your own so you have a break from him and get a chance to get out of the four walls and have some social interactions beyond your family.
We suggested a scooter to my dad when he moved into town but he was dead set against it. Probably a mixture of dementia apathy and scared/unable of learning something new.

 

[jennifer1967]

@jennifer1967 do you think your husband could safely drive a mobility scooter? Maybe make sure he doesn’t get one of the faster ones so he’s safer. Is someone going with him?
I hope you still get to go out on your own so you have a break from him and get a chance to get out of the four walls and have some social interactions beyond your family.
We suggested a scooter to my dad when he moved into town but he was dead set against it. Probably a mixture of dementia apathy and scared/unable of learning something new.

thanks @Melles Belles hes not getting one tomorrow but just looking at what they have. ive suggested he has a try out on my scooter up and down the path to make sure he can manage. hes coming back to discuss with me first. its more finding out whats out there. he wants to ride it to mens shed rather than taxis all the time especially as he has COPD as well so getting more and more breathless. he was a lorry driver for a long time, we dont have a car and i persuaded him not to drive a car a while ago as i thought his reactions were too slow. he does go out on his own and able to come back.
we have had that discussion that i will keep going out on my own. i sound selfish but freedom and having a break from the house, family etc was very hard won so hes not clipping my wings. im a bit mixed about it. hes already demanding i look things up. its not my role to grant permission, i didnt like it when he did it to me and im trying to be fair. he did work for a firm that delivered mobility scooters and he demonstrated them to the buyers. trying mine out and knowing which he would like, im cutting the risks down but he has capacity so he can make decisions good or bad. im unsure but im not a hypocrite so im letting him get on with it.

 

[silkiest]

Hi @jennifer1967, I think he's asking you to look things up because he can't do it himself. You have already said he struggles to understand things a times - will he safely read, understand and follow instructions for a vehicle? The powers that be will say he has capacity to absolve themselves of taking action. But if he is not able to look things up or compare and contrast different options, then does he truly have capacity to buy a mobility scooter that can be lethal in the wrong hands.
My MIL used to talk constantly about moving home, she was still getting on buses and going into the local town but was at a stage where she was forgetting lots of things and struggling with shopping and cooking. I told her to go ahead and sort it. Needless to say she could not and is still living in the same house. The Admiral Nurse says that if she had moved she would likely be in a care home now.

 

[jennifer1967]

Hi @jennifer1967, I think he's asking you to look things up because he can't do it himself. You have already said he struggles to understand things a times - will he safely read, understand and follow instructions for a vehicle? The powers that be will say he has capacity to absolve themselves of taking action. But if he is not able to look things up or compare and contrast different options, then does he truly have capacity to buy a mobility scooter that can be lethal in the wrong hands.
My MIL used to talk constantly about moving home, she was still getting on buses and going into the local town but was at a stage where she was forgetting lots of things and struggling with shopping and cooking. I told her to go ahead and sort it. Needless to say she could not and is still living in the same house. The Admiral Nurse says that if she had moved she would likely be in a care home now.

im looking it up on laptop where is just about scrolls through his phone. is not techy at all. im worried as well which is why i told him to have a go on mine and see what he thinks. id rather he had one like mine which 4 mph which can be quick when manoeuvring. hes just raised the subject because my neighbours keep asking when is he getting one. they dont know him well enough to know the slide he has gone. if i say no thern he will dig his heels in but if i just let it flow, it may well fade in the end

 

[Melles Belles]

He may not be able to make the actual devision to buy a scooter and it may just be ‘talk’ because you already have one. If he buys one will he actually use it? Is he capable of driving it safely?

 

[jennifer1967]

He may not be able to make the actual devision to buy a scooter and it may just be ‘talk’ because you already have one. If he buys one will he actually use it? Is he capable of driving it safely?

after reading both comments, i began to question whether it would be wise. i began thinking whether he would be safe. i didnt question him but let him carry on and hes decided hes not ready for one yet. he wants to keep using his legs while he can and maybe later revisit it. by then, i dont think he would manage it then. ive used the cold weather approaching as well which he wouldnt relish going out in. im learning all sorts on this forum. thank you