the flare-ups happen so quickly ive not yet managed to record one. to be honest im a bit scared to do anything to antagonise him. he might see me move and then ask. he knows theres something wrong but says hes on edge and cant control himself. they donty understand and everytime i tried to explain, they change the subject and definitely wont phone even if they take it in turns. they dont really understand dementia and stages as well as my husband being in fine form whenever they come. feels like a no win situation and ive just got to keep a lid on it.
thank you @Woo2 i suppose im just a bit scared of the consequences. he has anti-depressants amitriptyline which does have a bit of a sedative effect which is why she increased them but to be honest hes on a low dose to start with. my gps are a bit cautious and she said he didnt sound depressed. with vascular, choices are limited. i think because its only verbal at the moment, they are hoping that will be enough. weve already had a bit of a flare up which ive just cooled down. because hes hit out before dementia, when he flares i find myself withdrawing into the safe world that ive created in my head. im in contact with the alz. soc. lady. dementia helpline would be good. i dont want to over-react but the last couple of nights ive not slept very well. i feel its my fault and the shame to admit it is not helping me. all the conditioning i had from my parents all my life and told not to tell is making it harder.
There is no treatment for the dementia, true, but there is medication which can help calm down the aggression and temper. You should not have to put up with it.
thank you @canary i seem to have a block in my head that is stopping me admitting to anything. i was abused as a child through to adulthood and its the shame of admitting that he is flaring up even this morning which i blame myself for. i have been conditioned for years not to say anything. thats what im fighting against to try and sort the situation out. he has admitted hes taking it out on me but keeps doing it. he knows im keeping my head down so i dont spark him off again . the doctor said to leave it 2 weeks as it takes that long to get in the system and have an effect. problem is he has capacity[curse that it is] that he still has a choice and he can talk very reasonably to any one. its a tight rope to walk on
can i ask, ive got poa for both and both registered online when i give the doctors access do i just give them the access code and they do it themselves? then it will be easier. i usually email the practice manager and she sorts it out as to who she needs to go to. the problem is our own gp who knows him is leaving and we have a new one which doesnt know him.
Oh, I dont know the answer to that one. OH signed a letter some time ago allowing the GP to talk to me about his health, so Ive never had to register POA with them.
he did give permission in front of own gp but wonder about the others although she didnt have a problem when i talked to her the other day
hes had all the meds hes on for a few years now with no problem. the doctor seems to think its a progression of the dementia and will look at it again if not improving things. i have listened to every suggestion as to how to change the situation. ive thought out a bit of a plan i will email the gp detailing it all to them and give them the access code for poa at the same time then ive covered all bases. ask about the meds his already on although most are just standard stuff. that feels the safest to do. in the mean time, i will keep my head down and keep calm. if he erupts and im fearful, then will ring the emergency services. i appreciate every word of support you have given me and have thought it all through to come up with a constructive plan. its really sad that im scared and cant trust him so i wont tell him my plan. im worried when he finds out its me that talk the doctor but needs must. he feels on edge all the time and thats not helping him or me. i hope im doing the right thing. thank you for your support
i felt calmer but he appeared calmer this afternoon but it hasnt taken long to demand and have to do things for him at this moment, immediately even though i was doing something so now im back on alert again. i just cant be off the ball. i wish i didnt need to do things. i think he was on host mode for about half an hour. sad thing is its his birthday tuesday and hes 73. not particularly old.
Hi @jennifer1967 , have you ever thought of leaving him? Would it be a doable option? Your physical and mental health is at stake.
morning @margherita, i did once for a few days but the kids were too upset. now its not what i want and not really doable as i have no where to go and i want to see if there are other ways to deal with it.i have been with him 33 yrs[all my adult life] so would like to see other options. i registered his poa online and have now named the doctors as having access to the poa so they can place it on file. i will then do an email to the doctors about what has been happening and see if there are other things they can do. i also love him very much so dont want to walk away from someone exploring all avenues i can to get him help. it feels like kicking a man when hes down. i have got the access code to give to the doctors so they can register my poa and will be emailing them about the current problems as he gives them his version of events. as i seem to be the target, i need to explain what happens and see if they can do something here.
I don’t think the answer is to leave him, I think you should stay where you are.
