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hi @margherita , im not getting the support that i need from anywhere other than alz.soc. and the local lady. i have to be so careful with him and what i do. i understand her problem and she doesnt know why ss wont do anything because he has capacity so im put at risk because now i have to wait again. its alright having an emergency plan so i dont get hurt physically but im being abuse verbally and that can hurt a lot more emotionally than any push or slap. he has pushed me in the last couple of weeks and ive no doubt one day hes going to turn round and hurt me and all i can do is manage the risk. im human too. he has hit me in the past before dementia so whose to say he wont do it again. and ive got to wait until he does it again.
music helps but not my back as a sit doing the twist. it keeps him calm. i have been defending myself from abuse since i was a little girl so its not so scary for me as it would someone who has never encountered it before.
thank you @Shedrech ive just read what constitutes abuse and had tears in my eyes as so much applied now or in the past. if you brought up with it you think its natural and yes i feel its my fault.
thank you @Shedrech SS have phoned me and they going to refer him to somewhere that will take him out. they have also referred me to PIPPA which is a domestic abuse organisation. there is nothing else as i cant go out so cant go to groups. im getting used to hearing because you cant go out, we cant support you through groups or anything else. because im housebound, they are not geared up with people like me. im not going to be cured so theres a gap.no way on this earth is any abuse you have been subjected to your fault @jennifer1967
sadly. though, you are spot on saying that those abused can come to believe that it's 'natural' and 'normal', to be put up with and that they are 'to blame' as they must have done something to cause each outburst, which is utterly untrue
you have a right to be safe
personally, I don't understand how you are not getting more support ... may I suggest you don't play down the aggression you face and have faced when talking with your GP etc ... maybe call one of the helplines that link mentions and ask how you can get others to understand your situation
none of us wants you to end being injured
i think its admitting failure. also as an abused child, it tends to be that is what you expect and the pattern continues. you think its normal for men to do this as you havent got another experience to compare it to but i should have realised that right from the begining, he was manipulating me by buying my son some shoes. im his third wife so ive paid for their mistakes. hes also 19 years older so power maybe. i was also only 20 without a proper home and no family support so vulnerable as wellHi @jennifer1967 i have read lots of your posts, and sometimes commented, but not on this. I cannot imagine how you have stayed so long, and how you manage daily. It’s easy if you are not in that situation to say what you should and shouldn’t do, but I hope that you get the help you need and deserve soon.
thank you @canary im nervous about it all but not prepared to put up with too much more. the past hurts and more so when i read of some of the happy relationships that members have. i have nothing to base a loving relationship on which is the problem. im learning.
thanks @margherita i think humilated because i have let it happen to me again. some would say havent you learnt so have different relationships. no because i have had no good relationships to compare it to. i thought that was what love is and how men should act. ive nothing to compare it to so the same patterns get repeated over and over again. i was brought up the victim of multiple forms of abuse and didnt go to other houses to see different relationships so i didnt learn there was a difference.