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advice please

jennifer1967

Registered User
Mar 15, 2020
6,816
0
Southampton
Good morning @jennifer1967,

I hope you got some sleep last night.

MaNaAk
good morning @MaNaAk i was waking up all night. he went off to bed before me. i needed time to wind down. then he said he didnt want to go on his own to buy the bl***y thing. hes worn me down so im low this morning and a bit frazzled. hes winding me up then dropping me if you know what i mean. i swear he thinks its funny and is doing it on purpose. this has been going on for several days now. hes worn me down to a point that im stepping back and he can do what he likes.
 

MaNaAk

Registered User
Jun 19, 2016
5,535
0
Essex
Try to ignore him and just walk into another room or go out and say I'll come back when you behave yourself.

MaNaAk
 

jennifer1967

Registered User
Mar 15, 2020
6,816
0
Southampton
Try to ignore him and just walk into another room or go out and say I'll come back when you behave yourself.

MaNaAk
thank you @MaNaAk thats was what i was going to do. either that or award him the duster although he doesnt do a proper job. im going to get the papers in a minute. if he keeps going, i will go to my room. he can wind himself up then
 

jennifer1967

Registered User
Mar 15, 2020
6,816
0
Southampton
afternoon @MaNaAk im fine, just got back from going out. it doesnt seem to be affecting me as much but probably spoke too soon. hes ok and seems to be better. brighter than he was. the change in weather doesnt help.i need to nring the gp about the injection.
i spoke too soon and dont feel great at all. got appt monday for review but not sure i want to carry on with it. im not sure what i could have instead of it. my diabetes is not controlled at all although the injection lowered it. we shall see of monday
 

jennifer1967

Registered User
Mar 15, 2020
6,816
0
Southampton
i had a really awful night. ive got an appt with the admiral nurses this morning. i feel like im a traitor. not slept well all night. went downstairs about 3am as i thought i hadnt charged my scooter but appears i have any way. then i had this reoccurring dream that id gone into the health centre which has white floors, and cau8sed dirty track marks with my scooter and they kept telling me off for making the floor dirty. told me to go. i kept listening to see if the rain had stopped. got up and feel like my eyeballs are down to my knees this morning. roll on bedtime!!!🥱🥱
 

MaNaAk

Registered User
Jun 19, 2016
5,535
0
Essex
Good morning @jennifer1967 ,

On days like this you need to tell yourself that you are going to see those nurses to see if they can help you. Are you using to your worry diary? This is wonderful if my anxiety flares up.

MaNaAk
PS: Take things easy today.
 

jennifer1967

Registered User
Mar 15, 2020
6,816
0
Southampton
Good morning @jennifer1967 ,

On days like this you need to tell yourself that you are going to see those nurses to see if they can help you. Are you using to your worry diary? This is wonderful if my anxiety flares up.

MaNaAk
PS: Take things easy today.
good morning @MaNaAk thanks for reminding me, it usually helps as well. i read my book for a while just to take myself out of the loop. its stopped raining so might just get away with not getting wet. definitely taking it easy, this is when mistakes happen when you are not on top of things.
 

jennifer1967

Registered User
Mar 15, 2020
6,816
0
Southampton
not sure what i got out of meeting admiral nurses. her eyes kept glazing over, maybe had awful night that i had. there is a carers cafe that is held on the bus route so that was a bonus and i might try and go. she said i was very fortunate that in that i can leave him alone and hes as mobile as he has and goes out on his own. he has capacity, the word that really doesnt help. tried to explain this forum to her and how it works, all the information that i have gained, support, different ideas and suggestions that can be given, didnt really understand how important it is to me especially as im not as mobile. helps so i dont feel alone but she said dont you want to see people in real life?she told me just to note it all down in a notebook to use as evidence. the onus is on me to walk out as we have joint tenancy. id then be intentionally homeless and council dont have to rehouse me. im so tired so may need to think about what said as @MaNaAk has reminded me about the worry diary i have started and forgotten about.
 

Melles Belles

Registered User
Jul 4, 2017
884
0
South east
The authorities really let down domestic abuse victims don’t they. Well in fact they continually let down women and in all different ways. Look no further than the fall out from Sarah Everard’s murder. If you’re unsure if the police officer who stops you is genuine, flag down a bus.
It makes my blood boil @jennifer1967 that you have to continue with your current situation because no one in authority will bite the bullet and actually do something positive to help you. Are those in abusive/coercive relationships just supposed to stay so they don’t make themselves intentionally homeless?
 

Violet Jane

Registered User
Aug 23, 2021
407
0
Have you been to see a solicitor or housing adviser about your situation, Jennifer? I wouldn’t necessarily take what the local authority says at face value. Make sure that you speak to a specialist though. You may be able to get free advice from a solicitor if you are on a low income and have no or limited savings.
 

jennifer1967

Registered User
Mar 15, 2020
6,816
0
Southampton
all she wanted to know was would i be prepared to leave? the emphasis as usual is on me to leave the room, me to leave the house, me to give everything up but why should i give up my home to become homeless and for the council to if and but about whose responsibility it is to rehouse me. i cant stay with the kids as they havent room and also, they both live in flats with lots of stairs before you get to their flat. the admiral nurse said i was lucky and yes i am in that hes not that advanced. she had no concept of my physical or mental illness and talked more about the scooter. i just feel im a nuisance and should get on with it. i feel like going in a corner and staying there, not a nice feeling.
 

Starting on a journey

Registered User
Jul 9, 2019
765
0
I would not think that the admiral nurse was qualified to give advice on relationships breakdown and housing advice?

Maybe your local housing officer would be the best to go to. I wonder if she was trying to say that it’s going to get an awful lot worse and what plans have you made?
The council will want your house
for a family, they may be receptive to you both moving out but I’m different directions…..you to a flat…him to extra care housing. Maybe now is the time to start asking?
 

jennifer1967

Registered User
Mar 15, 2020
6,816
0
Southampton
I would not think that the admiral nurse was qualified to give advice on relationships breakdown and housing advice?

Maybe your local housing officer would be the best to go to. I wonder if she was trying to say that it’s going to get an awful lot worse and what plans have you made?
The council will want your house
for a family, they may be receptive to you both moving out but I’m different directions…..you to a flat…him to extra care housing. Maybe now is the time to start asking?
thank you @Starting on a journey ive been thinking that as well. it wouldnt hurt to ask about housing. sorry ive been feeling so ill with this new injection im taking that it takes a massive effort to do anything. phone monday when hes out and see.
 

Starting on a journey

Registered User
Jul 9, 2019
765
0
I can imagine that you feel awful getting used to the injections.
Just do what you can, but it won’t hurt to call the local housing officer; once you know what is available you will be in a better position. You need downstairs so they would be able to advice on the availability of ground floor flats.
Maybe the nurse gave you a heads up that things could get worse so now is the time to find out your options .
Just try and ring one day when you are feeling a little brighter or better still can you go and see someone to talk through your housing options.?
 

jennifer1967

Registered User
Mar 15, 2020
6,816
0
Southampton
I can imagine that you feel awful getting used to the injections.
Just do what you can, but it won’t hurt to call the local housing officer; once you know what is available you will be in a better position. You need downstairs so they would be able to advice on the availability of ground floor flats.
Maybe the nurse gave you a heads up that things could get worse so now is the time to find out your options .
Just try and ring one day when you are feeling a little brighter or better still can you go and see someone to talk through your housing options.?
im hoping to stop them when i have a review on monday. it was just to control my diabetes better but i cant eat, feel sick all the time and bloated. ive lost 1kg in last 2 weeks which is good but not this way. im going to phone monday hopefully when hes out. one thing she did say was i have to be careful not to let on as the repercussions could be worse. i have to balance that up as well. i hardly slept last night so its better to sleep on it.
 

jennifer1967

Registered User
Mar 15, 2020
6,816
0
Southampton
Good morning @jennifer1967,

I hope you're okay and that you had a better night.

MaNaAk
good morning @MaNaAk definitely had a better nightalthough still woke up but not until 5am so better quality as well. doesnt look great this morning. autumn has definitely arrived. couldnt find the notebook im using as a worry diary so i think i might treat myself to a new one. could then write down the the nastiness as it occurs as well. i went to bed feeling sick and woke up the same.
 

Emmcee

Registered User
Dec 28, 2015
125
0
hi @jennifer1967
if you are fearful of your safety tonight call the police ... there is also emergency contact info for Adult Services on the Local Authority website

if you're OK tonight, contact them in the morning and say that you yourself are a vulnerable adult at risk of harm due to your own ill health and your husband's behaviour, that you are frightened of him and close to carer breakdown ... that he is also a vulnerable adult who would be at risk of harm due to self neglect should you be incapacitated ... tell them you believe your situation is a safeguarding issue ... hopefully they will respond quickly ... ask for some respite (for yourself) ... make it clear that you do not believe your husband has capacity to make decisions about his welfare as he has no understanding of the consequences of saying no to support and certainly no understanding of the effects on you ... ask for a best interests meeting

let your GP know how things are as well
Excellent advice. Many years ago our local police also provided a panic alarm system to support a wife who was considered to be at risk from her husband who had dementia.