• All threads and posts regarding Coronavirus COVID-19 can be found in our area specifically for Coronavirus COVID-19 discussion.

    You can directly access this area >here<.

advice please

jennifer1967

Registered User
Mar 15, 2020
6,328
0
Southampton
Actually would he ever stay the night and @Wildflowerlady I hope you're okay after yesterday?

MaNaAk
even when i used to go down, we very rarely stayed the night. its always been just a day. my oldest son who takes him is also a carer for his partner and son so i dont think he would be able to. his partner has bi-polar and can get very anxious. even when comes to me, 15 minute journey, she is on the phone constantly. hes not coming to do the grass today but coming tomorrow now.
 

jennifer1967

Registered User
Mar 15, 2020
6,328
0
Southampton
ive had a good morning. 2 shoes done. my neighbour knocked the door for cup of tea and we sat in the front to have it. i think she quite likes the workmen who are working on a neighbours house. not my cup of tea but everyone to their own. hes come home and still talking about a scooter that looks more like a moped. ive now finished the conversation. i said that i wasnt sure he would manage, that sometimes his road sense is risky, that i would worry and rather he took a taxi or bus rather than making sense of roads which might confuse him, demonstrating scooters was a lot of years ago and who knows what he will be like in 6 months time. hes now accepted that its too much of a risk is too big a thing to take on. if he raises it again, i will just keep repeating myself until it fades from his mind.
had phone call from admiral nurses that they are setting up a clinic nearby that i can get to with bus and scooter. offered me an appt but need to confirm time. he told him and he asked why they werent coming to the house? because i got the scooter. also privacy and able to talk about things without one eye on him[i didnt say]. my son is coming over tomorrow now. i also need to phone the opticians for eye test and glasses as ive managed to break the recent ones and one before. im wearing old pairs which maybe why im getting headaches.
my neighbour calls it man cave which is a better name for it and hes used his drill this morning. theyve not done a lot other than gossip. and they say ladies are bad.
 

Brickie

New member
Oct 12, 2020
4
0
Jennifer, I’ve just read your post from March and haven’t read all the replies, but I just wanted to say how much I empathise. My husband has Alzheimer’s and since his diagnosis seems to relish making excuses for his behaviour. He can be tolerably well disposed to me provided I am there to attend. He’s a sweet ‘old man’ to anyone we meet, but a nasty insulting husband to me. I really hate him at times.
 

jennifer1967

Registered User
Mar 15, 2020
6,328
0
Southampton
Jennifer, I’ve just read your post from March and haven’t read all the replies, but I just wanted to say how much I empathise. My husband has Alzheimer’s and since his diagnosis seems to relish making excuses for his behaviour. He can be tolerably well disposed to me provided I am there to attend. He’s a sweet ‘old man’ to anyone we meet, but a nasty insulting husband to me. I really hate him at times.
thank you @Brickie, im sorry you are suffering as well. my husband has vascular dementia so it was hard as there are no tablets for it. i contacted my gp who referred to older peoples mental health who put him on memantine which has helped to reduce the nastiness and its not so prolonged but still happens quite regularly. my husband said he was using his dementia against me. i am housebound and suffer from chronic pain so things needed to change or reduce. i have sorted out him going to mens shed which he really enjoys now. i had to push him to go at the beginning but he looks forward to it now. i look forward to the peace. my husband was always like it but the dementia exaggerated it. the emphasis is on me moving out of the room. this forum has been such a support and the advice ive had has made me see i dont have to put up with it and ive now got a mobility scooter which gives me the freedom to get out of the house. i have a dementia navigator as well and admiral nurses support the carer of the person with dementia[PWD]. dont put yourself at risk. have a charged mobile on you always and a room with a lockable door. if it gets worse or you are in fear of your safety, please phone police, 111 ambulance. dont stay and get hurt.
 

jennifer1967

Registered User
Mar 15, 2020
6,328
0
Southampton
he phoned his sister tonight but she has flu and in bed. the building work is continuing and they are choosing a new kitchen soon. they have to knock down a wall so he wont be going any time soon. she will let him know when its all finished and he can go down and visit. he was worn out when he came home.
 

jennifer1967

Registered User
Mar 15, 2020
6,328
0
Southampton
my son was supposed to come and cut the grass yesterday but postponed until today. phoned today 1/2 hr after he said he be here to say he couldnt come to the weekend. ive cut the grass now which i shouldnt have done and dont feel great now but what was worse, my husband took out his frustration on me. he was gasping for breath, i told him to sit down and have his inhaler. ignored me so in the end i had to insist. he was shaking and choking. ive managed to calm him down and hes better. i just feel overwhelmed with things i need to do and shouldnt. i hate me having to insist but he had to calm down otherwise he would have collapsed. i dont do it to be horrible but he doesnt appreciate how serious it can be especially as he has COPD and dysphasia.
he took a phone call from the council surveyor to come because our bathroom is being adapted. hes coming tomorrow when i had already planned a week ago to meet a friend for cup of tea. i take my scooter on the bus. my daughter is now coming down to stay with my husband while the surveyor is here in case there are any questions that my husband cant answer. he feels better with someone here as well. at least i havent had to cancel my plans.
friday there is a gasman doing the 6 month gas safety check as we are in council. i have just got to move the lawn mower etc and a couple of boxes out of the way. just didnt put the lawn mower away. if i think of them separately, its not too bad but i seemed to have them all thrown at me together. it all rests with me and can get overwhelming.
i sat in the garden and cried. i try so hard to keep things going without too much pain.
roll on mens sheds on thursday. i just needed to work through things and take one thing at a time. at least, ive an appt with admiral nurses next week where im going to them as not far. he questioned why they werent coming to me, privacy, free speech and safety.
thank you, i have now calmed down and try and look forward to tomorrow and steering on the bus, always a source of amusement for passengers and driver. glad i brighten someone elses day
 

DesperateofDevon

Registered User
Jul 7, 2019
3,242
0
i didnt think i was far wrong. hes worried and like always, hes taking it out on me like im not worried.. hes been having a go at me for the last 2 days. hes trying to block it out by having a go at me. he doesnt want the endoscopy and i respect and accept that but now hes trying to use it like a bargaining tool and make me be responsible for the decision.i havent slept well the last couple of nights as im worried too but that doesnt come into the equation, not even considered.
he came home from mens sheds and the music had to go off straight away regardless as to whether i was enjoying it or not. i was knitting at the time so put it down and made him a cup of tea and he was still demanding, ordering and being a bully to a point that i started crying. im worn out and i still keep going but i reached my limit on what i was prepared to put up with and went upstairs for couple of hours to get out of his way. he said that it wasnt working me dealing with him having dementia. i can manage dementia being a carer for 9 yrs in a carehome with challenging behaviour, what i cant manage is the bullying and putting the emphasis on me. not really wording it right but i have enough to deal with without him getting short-tempered with me because hes trying to block it out. he has capacity and the CPN said he knows what hes doing. he ruined the day for me and cancelled out any benefit from the 2hr break i had.
the other thing was that he bought me a ready meal which is fine but it contains red wine gravy. i dont drink alcohol or eat anything with alcohol in it at all out of principal and he knows that. my mum ordered sherry trifle for my wedding and i couldnt eat. im strict with it. hes belittle my principals by saying the alcohol gets burnt off. i know that but i will not eat it. its like if you were a vegetarian and someone gave you meat. i think that hurt more. ive told him that its unacceptable and why should i be treated like it. it hurts just as much as if someone physically hits you. he is clearing the freezer tomorrow now ready for the new one coming on saturday and im going out.
the community nurse has phoned and i am having my flu jab at home on tuesday so i will be covered. i assume that pharmacy will be offering them too very soon.
Share these issues with the community nurse lovely
(((hugs)))