advice please

[DianeW]

Please don’t be lulled into a false sense of security here, there is a lot of control involved on his part as well as the other abuse he dishes out.

Be proactive and get the ball rolling so that you can lead the life you want to lead……..and seriously consider a mobility scooter, that way at least you can get out yourself too.

 

[jennifer1967]

Please don’t be lulled into a false sense of security here, there is a lot of control involved on his part as well as the other abuse he dishes out.

Be proactive and get the ball rolling so that you can lead the life you want to lead……..and seriously consider a mobility scooter, that way at least you can get out yourself too.

thank you @DianeW i know, im just taking as breather. hes told me i can have a mobility scooter so thats the next step. ive just spent the last couple of days doing nice things for me. the mobility scooter will come and im sorting another bookcase tomorrow. at least i now know where i can take unwanted things. i can only go as fast as my back allows b ut thank you for all your support. i really appreciate what you are saying and the support you have given me. i should have gone to sleep earlier last night but my nose was in a book.

 

[LindaK]

i do have a lock on my door that i can lock.

my husband has vascular dementia and is constantly ordering and demanding. hes constantly nagging me to do what he wants. immediately. i need to shorten his jeans so nagged again until i do them. i make sure the house is clean for him and he always has clean clothes. always got what he needs and wants. he explodes when he gets frustrated. tonight he has shouted at me and told me he doesnt want to see me again tonight. i gave him his meds and he was still stroppy. ive left him there. even nagging me about i havent had the jab yet, ive no control over that and his shouting is not going to get it any quicker.
the kids dont see any difference in him. its usually me thats the mad one. he takes the rise out of me and laughs about it. says stupid things then laughs. he can still cook but it doesnt wash things out very well. i have tried to ignore what he says not react but he scares me when he shouts. tonight for the first time in a while, i locked the bathroom door while having a shower. didnt feel safe to leave it unlocked. the other thing he does that i dont know how to handle is that he gropes. i have to go past his chair to go out the front room door and his hands is are outstretched to grab me. we have separate rooms and we dont have a physical relationship as such. we will hug and kiss goodnight but not any further. hes always been short-tempered but this is ongoing every day. i have to jump to commands. he presents like you wouldnt think anything is wrong. it hurts and all i can do is cry which seems to make no difference. we dont have carers and wont as he has capacity to say no. the dementia has exaggerated the temper he already had. any ideas?

My husband is also a groper. That's all he wants to do every time he is near me.. When not sitting, he is following me and groping. He is also a verbal abuser at times but swears that didn't happen when I confront him later..

 

[jennifer1967]

My husband is also a groper. That's all he wants to do every time he is near me.. When not sitting, he is following me and groping. He is also a verbal abuser at times but swears that didn't happen when I confront him later..

hello @LindaK i tell him no and move out of his way then he stops. im careful how i move around him. i think because we are married, he has some sort of right to do it but he hasnt and shouldnt do it if you have said no

 

[jennifer1967]

i have spent a few hours sorting my books out in the last bookcase and have got 5 carrier bags full of books to go to the charity shop. 2 bags were too dusty etc so i have recycled them. have started to declutter the bedroom as well. ornaments etc. my back and hip are in bits so will need the extra strong pain killer i can see my new books now but at least i have shredded a lot. he was getting a bit demanding but i think it was worry as i hadnt had anything to eat for a few hours and im diabetic. he has bought in the washing. i can continue to declutter and sort my clothes out. i just need to listen to my back and leg.

 

[nita]

Remember to "pace yourself" @jennifer1967 - I can tell you get too enthusiastic and carried away trying to do everything at once.

By the way, regarding books - have you thought of getting them from the library? They usually have a service where you can reserve the books you want and they will deliver them to disabled people.

 

[jennifer1967]

Remember to "pace yourself" @jennifer1967 - I can tell you get too enthusiastic and carried away trying to do everything at once.

By the way, regarding books - have you thought of getting them from the library? They usually have a service where you can reserve the books you want and they will deliver them to disabled people.

i did get them from a library years ago but, you are going to think me weird, i im ike looking at them, smell the newness of the paper. if they are a set, sometimes you have to wait to read them in order. im just obsessed. i had the music on and kept going but did sit down a few times. its true i like to do more than i should and im my own worst enemy and critic.

 

[nita]

I tend to reserve new titles from the library so I'm often the first one to get them. I read the reviews in the weekend papers and also listen to the radio reviews and that's how I get my ideas. Sometimes I've even put in a suggestion to the library for what they should buy.

 

[jennifer1967]

I tend to reserve new titles from the library so I'm often the first one to get them. I read the reviews in the weekend papers and also listen to the radio reviews and that's how I get my ideas. Sometimes I've even put in a suggestion to the library for what they should buy.

i read the reviews in magazines and papers. then look to see what they are. i get more choice as i like war ones like the resistance and getting out of the country. i like all sorts but not really chick lit as that drives me mad.

 

[jennifer1967]

im so stiff today and last night my muscles were cramping so didnt sleep very well. i feel like a lady of 90. my oldest son and his family are coming for a bbq to say thankyou for cutting the grass. they are going to have to get up and do things for themselves. plenty of sunblock on today as well, the back garden is a sun trap and use the new parasol. hes just got up and im hoping for a relaxing day
i hope you all have a good day careful in the sun. @Starting on a journey hope you have a lovely day at your daughters wedding

 

[MaNaAk]

Enjoy the barbeque and lovely weather!

MaNaAk

 

[jennifer1967]

Enjoy the barbeque and lovely weather!

MaNaAk

its been postponed to tomorrow. ive done some knitting, its too hot in the sun. my husband has to go to the hospital for barium swallow meal on monday so no mens shed but my oldest son is taking him to it. try and sort some more of his clothes and his wardrobe tomorrow or monday morning. will get there slowly. slow and steady wins the race

 

[MaNaAk]

Dear @jennifer1967,

Make the most of that break.

MaNaAk

 

[jennifer1967]

Dear @jennifer1967,

Make the most of that break.

MaNaAk

believe me , i will @MaNaAk. hes definitely been slipping a lot today. higher dose in a minute. i wonder if hes trying so hard that he hasnt made many before and now getting too hard to hide them

 

[Bikerbeth]

I hope you have managed to get a bit of a break today. Have another one tomorrow and still let the family get up and do things for themselves. If you are getting muscle cramps you really need to listen to your body saying ‘give me a break’. (Sorry to nag ☺️). Sort the clothes on Monday if you feel better.
I totally get you with regards to books, especially new ones. When I visited my old boss recently they had converted a bedroom into a small library. I was jealous.

 

[jennifer1967]

I hope you have managed to get a bit of a break today. Have another one tomorrow and still let the family get up and do things for themselves. If you are getting muscle cramps you really need to listen to your body saying ‘give me a break’. (Sorry to nag ☺️). Sort the clothes on Monday if you feel better.
I totally get you with regards to books, especially new ones. When I visited my old boss recently they had converted a bedroom into a small library. I was jealous.

the bbq was postponed until tomorrow when i think they are coming as well as the weeks shopping so hopefully some willing hands as it makes my back ache. i will sort clothes monday morning so i distract him as he is nil by mouth for 4 hrs prior to the appt. my son is taking him. you can nag all you want, im not always the best person to take my advice. i was so stiff this morning but i did some knitting and sat down. my leg and back were killing. i know i need to stop but its so frustrating when i can only do some things.
my bedroom is a library with 4 bookcases stacked with books. its my calm place when i look at my books. id love a big library but when would you ever read them all. i give them away once ive read them. they have always been my escape

 

[jennifer1967]

i didnt go to sleep until 3am, it was just so hot even with the fan trained on to my head so sluggish this morning. my son and family confirmed they are coming today. sunblock and lots of fluids

 

[MaNaAk]

Dear @jennifer1967,

Hope that barbeque's going well and that your relaxing with the grandchildren. Your husband should be distracted and his mind stimulated.

MaNaAk

 

[jennifer1967]

Dear @jennifer1967,

Hope that barbeque's going well and that your relaxing with the grandchildren. Your husband should be distracted and his mind stimulated.

MaNaAk

afternoon @MaNaAk yes my oldest son is cooking up a storm. the grandchildren are enjoying themselves especially with the games i got them. hes watching formula 1 but hes enjoyed the grandchildren. they have been very good even though its so hot. they come in and sit by the fans every so often. ive got sunblock on myself this time and do have a big parasol so shaded.

 

[jennifer1967]

i got it wrong and didnt read the paper instructions properly, i thought need to starve for 4 hrs and its 6hrs so his appt has been cancelled and get new one so through my ignorance, he will have to go to barium swallow another day. maybe when it is not so hot. he wasnt feelin g that great and now has cheerfully made a cup of tea. so theres my break gone and it was all my fault. maybe the heat and the bbq with the family drained him of his energy yesterday as he was really good with the kids. he doesnt like the heat at the best of times.