thank you @MaNaAk i know but its convincing the SS and whoever else that i need them and he consents to them as he has capacity[ that the word haunts me and stops a lot of things]. they have a problem in that i cant go out and things are geared that people come in and sit with him so i can go out. im throwing a spanner in the works. what makes me worry and sad is how many carers with their own health needs and disabilities are not getting the services they should because of their disabilities and we dont fit the picture or into the system. i cant go with him to his appts and one of the kids will have to go with him and im relying on the medics to write down medication he needs or the outcome. its not geared up for people like me.