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advice please

jennifer1967

Registered User
Mar 15, 2020
5,905
0
Southampton
Dear @jennifer1967 ,

Just read your contribution to@TNJJ's thread yes you need more than two hours break.

MaNaAk
thank you @MaNaAk i know but its convincing the SS and whoever else that i need them and he consents to them as he has capacity[ that the word haunts me and stops a lot of things]. they have a problem in that i cant go out and things are geared that people come in and sit with him so i can go out. im throwing a spanner in the works. what makes me worry and sad is how many carers with their own health needs and disabilities are not getting the services they should because of their disabilities and we dont fit the picture or into the system. i cant go with him to his appts and one of the kids will have to go with him and im relying on the medics to write down medication he needs or the outcome. its not geared up for people like me.
 

jennifer1967

Registered User
Mar 15, 2020
5,905
0
Southampton
had the appt for his anaemia and he did refuse camera either end but will have CT scan and barium meal. the man talked to him on loud speaker about it and he wanted me to take the phone away and off loud speaker because he got so agitated and was shaking. hes having iron tablets prescribed and a blood test for coeliac disease as his oldest son from his first marriage had it from a baby. the doctor said it could be bowel cancer or stomach cancer as his mum died of stomach cancer. im taking it a bit at a time and not worry too much over something that may never happen. my son will take him to the hospital when he has the tests.
 

MaNaAk

Registered User
Jun 19, 2016
4,973
0
Essex
thank you @MaNaAk, im ok, a bit worried naturally. the thing is if there is a growth and not big enough to be clear then he is refusing cameras anyway so i wonder how valuable it would be to find out anything other than for the doctors.
Dear @jennifer 1967,

I would like to say that the doctors should look after you as well as him.

MaNaAk
 

MaNaAk

Registered User
Jun 19, 2016
4,973
0
Essex
Dear @jennifer1967 ,

I'm not surprised I can still remember not being able to sleep when I heard dad's diagnosis. Anyway you get an hour's break and keep telling yourself that you're doing well. As @nitram said to me the other day onwards and upwards.

MaNaAk
 

jennifer1967

Registered User
Mar 15, 2020
5,905
0
Southampton
Dear @jennifer1967 ,

I'm not surprised I can still remember not being able to sleep when I heard dad's diagnosis. Anyway you get an hour's break and keep telling yourself that you're doing well. As @nitram said to me the other day onwards and upwards.

MaNaAk
thank you @MaNaAk i was awake at 5 and reading at 6am then dropped off. how much more are they going to chuck at me? it could be something or nothing so just got to keep going. i havent crumbled yet.
 

jennifer1967

Registered User
Mar 15, 2020
5,905
0
Southampton
nice break if i didnt need to act as secretary for all his appt. he has a ct scan of his colon at the hospital which my son will take him to and stay with him because i cant go. he has a blood test that week and OPMH as well. i will have quite a bit of time off that week. its going to be a worrying time but hes taking it in his stride although he is a bit snappy which i would be if i had all this going on. just need to be tolerant, understanding and patient with him until we have a diagnosis.
 

Bikerbeth

Registered User
Feb 11, 2019
2,092
0
Bedford
It must be so frustrating for you as it is all additional work, worry and stress., but I am glad you managed to get a short break.
I don’t suppose he is eligible for hospital transport? Or would that be too many hoops to jump through.
you are indeed doing a fantastic job and you are a survivor. Little by little
 

jennifer1967

Registered User
Mar 15, 2020
5,905
0
Southampton
It must be so frustrating for you as it is all additional work, worry and stress., but I am glad you managed to get a short break.
I don’t suppose he is eligible for hospital transport? Or would that be too many hoops to jump through.
you are indeed doing a fantastic job and you are a survivor. Little by little
thank you @Bikerbeth my son is going to take him to the CT scan at the hospital which is 10 minutes away. he has to be accompanied and i cant go. the others are at the GPs which is on a bus route so he can get there on his own. they have to write down his tablets, dosage and when so he can bring it back to me. its just a pain i cant go but my son will stay with him because ive asked him to. hes coming over probably with at least one grandson to cut the grass for me. its horrible being so dependent on other people when you are a carer for someone else.hopefully i will sleep better tonight.
 

Bikerbeth

Registered User
Feb 11, 2019
2,092
0
Bedford
Sorry I did not read properly that he needed someone with him rather than the getting there. You sound like you have a plan in place.
wishing you a good nights sleep
 

Alibongo2

New member
Apr 30, 2021
3
0
my husband has vascular dementia and is constantly ordering and demanding. hes constantly nagging me to do what he wants. immediately. i need to shorten his jeans so nagged again until i do them. i make sure the house is clean for him and he always has clean clothes. always got what he needs and wants. he explodes when he gets frustrated. tonight he has shouted at me and told me he doesnt want to see me again tonight. i gave him his meds and he was still stroppy. ive left him there. even nagging me about i havent had the jab yet, ive no control over that and his shouting is not going to get it any quicker.
the kids dont see any difference in him. its usually me thats the mad one. he takes the rise out of me and laughs about it. says stupid things then laughs. he can still cook but it doesnt wash things out very well. i have tried to ignore what he says not react but he scares me when he shouts. tonight for the first time in a while, i locked the bathroom door while having a shower. didnt feel safe to leave it unlocked. the other thing he does that i dont know how to handle is that he gropes. i have to go past his chair to go out the front room door and his hands is are outstretched to grab me. we have separate rooms and we dont have a physical relationship as such. we will hug and kiss goodnight but not any further. hes always been short-tempered but this is ongoing every day. i have to jump to commands. he presents like you wouldnt think anything is wrong. it hurts and all i can do is cry which seems to make no difference. we dont have carers and wont as he has capacity to say no. the dementia has exaggerated the temper he already had. any ideas?
I feel I have the same problems as you. My husband expects me to sort all problems out for him immediately and gets angry if I can’t do if. His Alzheimer’s makes him so unreasonable and he’s so dependent on me for everything. He also is sexually inappropriate as I really can’t feel that way for him any more and he just doesn’t understand that. I don’t know the answer but I’d just like to talk to people who understand
 

jennifer1967

Registered User
Mar 15, 2020
5,905
0
Southampton
I feel I have the same problems as you. My husband expects me to sort all problems out for him immediately and gets angry if I can’t do if. His Alzheimer’s makes him so unreasonable and he’s so dependent on me for everything. He also is sexually inappropriate as I really can’t feel that way for him any more and he just doesn’t understand that. I don’t know the answer but I’d just like to talk to people who understand
my husband has vascular dementia but there are big overlaps. its tiring, he is very short tempered and he barks out orders and demands. my husband was aggressive before dementia so the dementia has made it worse. i usually say, if you dont stop i go to my room [it has a lock on it and take my phone with me and a good book or something and i do it. with his groping/grabbing, i have told me no and moved away so he cant reach me. i think that is the worst and no we dont have a marriage as such. i dont look at him as my husband and certainly dont get intimate with him. that died a long time ago. its because their inhibitions go and do filter out unwanted behaviour. i just move out of his way or out of the room