advice please
- Thread starter jennifer1967
- Start date
-
- Tags
- vascular dementia
the OPMH lady came an d gave him 2 tests and he has improved since last year. he has BPSD behavioural psychological symptoms of dementia. she says he had a series of TIA[mini-strokes] with little bleeds into the brain. she thinks hes got low mood and he may get sertraline at a low dose. they are going to refer him to different clubs and activities to give me a break and to have a befriender as well. he has to take himself some where away from me and do a bit of grounding. she says i have carers stress. and need to phone admiral nurses for support. i told her about the forum and this where i get my support and dementia navigator. if he goes to all these activities, i have me time. i give him credit as he was very honest about his temper but there were things i couldnt say because i wont say them in front of him. i asked if he wanted me to go out the room but didnt ask me if i wanted to say anything without him. see how it goes but i felt she wasnt taking the eruptions seriously. but lets wait and see
Dear @jennifer1967,
I know it's only a little but you could starting to get the help you deserve.
Hang in there.
MaNaAk
I know it's only a little but you could starting to get the help you deserve.
Hang in there.
MaNaAk
hes just told me that if he is shouting at me, he probably wont move some where else and look at something to bring the anger back down. it means i have to catch him and move him and he probably be worse
I hope he is able to follow the advise given by the SALT and starts doing it properly. The last thing you need is extra work cooking especially as it has the probability of conflict if the kitchen is his empire.
The referral to other clubs/activities could also be a bonus if it gives you more time and space. We looked at a befriended for Mum but unfortunately it was too late for Mum but we saw details for some lovely people. I think you have mentioned some more male company for him would be beneficial so that could work out really well.
you need a break and hopefully this may give you it.
The referral to other clubs/activities could also be a bonus if it gives you more time and space. We looked at a befriended for Mum but unfortunately it was too late for Mum but we saw details for some lovely people. I think you have mentioned some more male company for him would be beneficial so that could work out really well.
you need a break and hopefully this may give you it.
thank you @Bikerbeth , i asked what i could do if he erupts again and basically she told to go to garden and find something as grounding. hes already told me that hes not doing that and he said to her he cant control his temper and she needs to phone 111. if you cant control your temper, how can you reason out that you have to do A, B orC. the groups would be good but she hasnt said how hes going to get there. its all got to go to a consultant for his decision.
didnt sleep very well last night with unanswered questions. im finding out about BPSD which i have never heard of and she said that his hand and leg shake on his left[dominant] side could be that motor and movement part of the brain has been affected as well as his short-term memory. it seems that mini-stroke wasnt so mini as quite a few things are affected. she doesnt know about the safeguarding, domestic abuse and social services are involved as i couldnt tell her in front of my husband. , the domestic abuse organization Aurora New Dawn phoned in the afternoon and they are phoning MH to give them a fuller picture and the fact they are involved. she did ask if respite to give me a break was an option and he no thankyou. he was really tired last night with the effort of hosting which was there for all to see. when hes in full flare up mode, he is not going to connect that to thinking i need to remove myself from the situation and distract myself. i think thats asking a bit too much of him.
@jennifer1967
The thing is, from what you have said, your husband has always had a quick temper. Would he have taken the advice when he was younger without dementia. If the answer is “no” then how do they expect him to take their advice now?
The thing is, from what you have said, your husband has always had a quick temper. Would he have taken the advice when he was younger without dementia. If the answer is “no” then how do they expect him to take their advice now?
morning @Starting on a journey, that was my point exactly. i told her he has always had a quick temper and has hit, slapped and pushed me in the past. he told her he cant control his temper and cant stop until hes satisfied that he has run out of steam and she said go in the garden and focus on a leaf. see how green, soft etc it is. hes already said to me that he wont be doing it which is why the domestic abuse charity is going to contact her and explain this is not a domestic with people that are a bit irritable with each other for spending too much time together. like it is both of us contributing to it but its not, its more one sided and i wouldnt be scared and worried and not sleeping if it was just a domestic.that we were both moaning at each other. the more i thought about it the more it didnt make sense. i couldnt tell her things in front of him which she should have picked up on,
You could send her a mail or a message explaining you had more to tell her, even though I think the lady must have realised how difficult your situation is, also without further details.
afternoon @MaNaAk, the lady from the domestic abuse organisation phoned yesterday afternoon after the lady had been totally unplanned and i was discussing the outcome and the fact there were some things i couldnt tell her owing to my husband being in the room. id talked to her before and what was happening. i gave the name and contact details of the lady from OPMH and she said that she will phone her and give her the bigger picture about whats been happening and question how he would get to the groups and the fact that im scared of him. he has no intention of going in the garden or anywhere else away from me to cool himself down. he said to her that he cant control it which should have said everything if she listened properly. she was going to go out of the door and i asked what do i do if he erupts again. he told her he cant stop until he has come to the end of his temper so how on earth he is going to find the reasoning while shouting at me to walk away and get interested in a blade of grass or leaf. i know it can work if you get there quick enough, by the time hes erupted, its too late.
ive been clearing again today and the next step is the kitchen. i want to get some steps to do reach top of cupboards. my back hurts like mad so maybe not tomorrow. i was a bit angry with her but didnt show it. one day i wont have to take it.
thank you @margherita ive replied to both of you together. i did speak to her on monday about it but nothing much but hopefully she will be contacted today.
ive had, relatively , a couple of calm days. on wednesday, he must have been in host mode as he was wiped out after the lady had been and was tired the next day. hes come off his steroids so has been a bit flat and ive had to explain things a few times to get him to understand. he is actually worried about the funeral after he dies. he has chosen what he wants and we will pay in one lump sum. hes been getting very worried and wanted things to be in place so i dont have to worry. at the moment, he seems quite low. i hav e to keep an eye on him as he not very predictable in the mood. i wondering if its because my son has been on holiday and he hasnt been able to speak to him.
he came back yesterday and is taking him out to mens sheds on monday but my husband will probably phone him without me knowing. the steroids give him a boost and help his breathing but he has to come off them. this damp air is taking it out of him. understandably, he gets very frustrated because he cant do things and it must be frightening when he cant breathe as well.
And I can only guess how frightening it must be for you @jennifer1967? How has today been? I hope you are okay.
MaNaAk
evening @MaNaAk, i have been a bit worried about him all day. he says he aches and a migraine tonight. seems to think he has a cold but he is eating and drinking so cant be too much wrong
