advice please

jennifer1967

Registered User
Mar 15, 2020
25,511
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Southampton
Sorry you’ve had a disappointing day @jennifer1967

Your son is being unfair. Probably criticising you as a form of defence for letting you down.

Unless some people live as carers they haven’t a clue.
it hurt thats all when i would do anything for my husband not to have dementia and for him to tell me that i use it just got to me. its taken me all day to deal with him. even growing up, he took twice as long to deal with than the other 3.
who else is going to be responsible than me. i live with him and im his wife.
sorry i dont usually moan or post so much, i dont normally ask for help but last 2 weeks, ive struggled.
 

nita

Registered User
Dec 30, 2011
2,700
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Essex
Even if you didn't have your husband with his problems to look after, @jennifer1967 you would need help yourself as you're in so much pain. Remember that and don't feel bad about getting help in, nor kick yourself for not doing it quickly enough. Ring Age UK tomorrow and I hope you can get the people you need at a reasonable rate. I feel so much better now I have someone to do the cleaning (need a shoulder replacement). It's taken that chore and the worry about getting it done off me.
 

Grannie G

Volunteer Moderator
Apr 3, 2006
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Kent
Don’t apologise for telling it as it is @jennifer1967 I think it`s the first time you’ve really found things are getting on top of you and realised the time for more help is now.

I just hope you can get the help you need. It`s horrible when the garden is a mess. Those of us unable to keep it in shape have to rely on others. If the family can’t help it`s best to look elsewhere.

Fingers crossed for you 🤞🤞🤞🤞🤞
 

MaNaAk

Registered User
Jun 19, 2016
12,247
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Essex
I remember when dad's Alzheimer's was mild/moderate and my eldest invisible, who at that time visited us three times a year, said that it is easier to look after dad than to look after children. When dad's Alzheimer's was advanced he had to stay the night and at that point I had to explain the caring in more detail. Of course at 3.00 am dad got up and tried to get into my brother's room to look out of the window for the car that he had sold two years before. The next morning my brother promised more help but of course this never happened because we fell out and a short while later dad went into the home. I would like to suggest that apart from getting as much help as possible from agencies or Age UK you could suggest that your son stays with your husband for a few days or maybe a week in order to 'learn' about caring.

MaNaAk

PS: Is there someone you could stay with whilst your son 'learns' about caring!
 

jennifer1967

Registered User
Mar 15, 2020
25,511
0
Southampton
I remember when dad's Alzheimer's was mild/moderate and my eldest invisible, who at that time visited us three times a year, said that it is easier to look after dad than to look after children. When dad's Alzheimer's was advanced he had to stay the night and at that point I had to explain the caring in more detail. Of course at 3.00 am dad got up and tried to get into my brother's room to look out of the window for the car that he had sold two years before. The next morning my brother promised more help but of course this never happened because we fell out and a short while later dad went into the home. I would like to suggest that apart from getting as much help as possible from agencies or Age UK you could suggest that your son stays with your husband for a few days or maybe a week in order to 'learn' about caring.

MaNaAk

PS: Is there someone you could stay with whilst your son 'learns' about caring!
my husband wouldnt allow that. i dont think my son would be able to stay. he cant sit still or stay in one place long. he has mental health, ocd, anxieties and probably hyperactivity as well. he would be like a caged bird.
 

Fugs

Registered User
Feb 16, 2023
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Others have said it @jennifer1967 , but it is worth repeating. If you haven't gone through it you probably don't understand the mental strain of dealing with a PWD, by yourself and with no real support. You have managed this herculean effort for many years. TBH I am not surprised that apathy creeps in. I am thinking of you.
 

jennifer1967

Registered User
Mar 15, 2020
25,511
0
Southampton
Others have said it @jennifer1967 , but it is worth repeating. If you haven't gone through it you probably don't understand the mental strain of dealing with a PWD, by yourself and with no real support. You have managed this herculean effort for many years. TBH I am not surprised that apathy creeps in. I am thinking of you.
thankyou @Fugs i get 2 hours break this morning while hes off to the mens shed. hes bringing me back a bird table they make in there. you can never relax as there is always something to remember or do or fit in somewhere. maybe im trying to be all things to all men and im getting lost in the middle. i used to give myself rest days due to the pain but ive forgotten about that. i think i need to take my cape off and stop trying to be a super hero.
 

SeaSwallow

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Oct 28, 2019
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thankyou @Fugs i get 2 hours break this morning while hes off to the mens shed. hes bringing me back a bird table they make in there. you can never relax as there is always something to remember or do or fit in somewhere. maybe im trying to be all things to all men and im getting lost in the middle. i used to give myself rest days due to the pain but ive forgotten about that. i think i need to take my cape off and stop trying to be a super hero.
@jennifer1967 You have hit the nail on the head with your last sentence, throw that cape away and try to look after yourself more. Not easy, as we carers all know but you cannot pour from an empty cup.
 

jennifer1967

Registered User
Mar 15, 2020
25,511
0
Southampton
need to phone chemist later. they put the wrong tablet in wrong box. i can rectify it but someone with dementia wouldnt notice and its not good enough. got to hunt down the missing insulin needles as well. i might as well do their job for them.
 

jennifer1967

Registered User
Mar 15, 2020
25,511
0
Southampton
question: my husband is diabetic and his sugar levels have gone up. they are giving him another tablet which is fine. he wont take more metformin because it disagrees with his stomach. they have mentioned another tablet but i will have to do finger pricks 3x a day. my husband has refused the tests and to be honest, with doing my own insulin and finger pricks, im not sure i could manage it. if he could do it himself it would be ok but he cant. am i responsible for carrying out this treatment or someone else. his skin is thin and doesnt take much to bleed and split which is another reason.
 

RM3

Registered User
Feb 4, 2024
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question: my husband is diabetic and his sugar levels have gone up. they are giving him another tablet which is fine. he wont take more metformin because it disagrees with his stomach. they have mentioned another tablet but i will have to do finger pricks 3x a day. my husband has refused the tests and to be honest, with doing my own insulin and finger pricks, im not sure i could manage it. if he could do it himself it would be ok but he cant. am i responsible for carrying out this treatment or someone else. his skin is thin and doesnt take much to bleed and split which is another reason.
Hi @jennifer1967 - I just wondered if they were able to fit something like a freestyle Libre instead (so you don’t have to do finger pricks)? X
 

jennifer1967

Registered User
Mar 15, 2020
25,511
0
Southampton
Hi @jennifer1967 - I just wondered if they were able to fit something like a freestyle Libre instead (so you don’t have to do finger pricks)? X
they offered that to me but its the glue im likely to react to as ive done patches before. they havent offered that to him. i have insulin but he has tablets so its not always available. i would be worried about his skin as its thin. see what they come up with. hes not co-operating either.
hi @RM3 hope you are ok
 

RM3

Registered User
Feb 4, 2024
725
0
they offered that to me but its the glue im likely to react to as ive done patches before. they havent offered that to him. i have insulin but he has tablets so its not always available. i would be worried about his skin as its thin. see what they come up with. hes not co-operating either.
hi @RM3 hope you are ok
Oh dear @jennifer1967, nothing ever seems straight forward does it.
I am good thank you and hope you are too (other than getting this sorted). Thank you 😊 x
 

jennifer1967

Registered User
Mar 15, 2020
25,511
0
Southampton
my budgie died yesterday probably of old age, he was about 9-10. from going to no dont want any more birds, he wants one asap with a new cage and accessories. i wants a canary. he did want a cockatiel but they are too dusty for his copd. so my son is taking him to the pet shop tomorrow. ive noticed more and more hes getting very insistent of what he wants and and now. he was looking at birds on his phone but not canary as he couldnt spell it. his going to the shed today and im putting my feet up.
 

Grannie G

Volunteer Moderator
Apr 3, 2006
82,698
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Kent
Sorry about your budgie @jennfer1967

I remember our son phoning me at work to tell me his budgie had died.

He was at home with his dad and they buried it in the garden and made a cross with two lolly sticks.
 

jennifer1967

Registered User
Mar 15, 2020
25,511
0
Southampton
Sorry about your budgie @jennfer1967

I remember our son phoning me at work to tell me his budgie had died.

He was at home with his dad and they buried it in the garden and made a cross with two lolly sticks.
he was old. started puffing up and last was on the floor drinking loads of water. he was a pair but the other one gave up about a year after i got him. my husband has no-one to annoy now but the cat.