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advice please

jennifer1967

Registered User
Mar 15, 2020
4,594
0
Southampton
I hope he feels better soon but otherwise yay!

MaNaAk
i know @MaNaAk hes an hour away from his sister. he was frightened to eat but has eaten something now. he wouldnt eat breakfast he was so scared so i need to deal with that quickly. my son is enjoying driving down there. my husband was sorted and ready, waiting for my son to arrive. he wanted me to do something for him today and i refused. another day tomorrow. once he had had his steroids this morning, he was a lot better. ive armed him with 2 inhalers and he wont go through both in one day. his sister was a carer in a carehome for about 30 years so knows about dementia but she is going to get a bit of a shock today. just waiting for my tablets to be delivered and i can have my music on.
 

margherita

Registered User
May 30, 2017
3,136
0
Italy, Milan and Acqui Terme
thank you @margherita he is going to a thing called mens sheds 2 days a week for 2 hrs. my son is taking and picking him up. i need a break from him and he can have male company which is what he needs. not next week but the following. my son is on holiday next week. it helps us both to be a part.
Hi @jennifer1967 , I have been paying a " sitter" for some weeks to take my husband out from 4.00pm to 7.00pm four times a week.
I thought I had found a good ,though temporary, solution which would give me a breath of fresh air, but unfortunately they often came back home only two hours after they had left. I don't know if it is really my husband who gets bored after a couple of hours, or it is the sitter who is tryingto be smart with me, earning the same money and working less.
So I had to make some adjustments.
Not long after they have gone out, I go out, too, and I don't turn up until the three hours have expired.
Sometimes I go food shopping or have a walk or just sit in the car and have a chat on the phone with a friend , without my husband interrupting me every three minutes.
Well, these moments of respite are precious BUT once you enjoy the taste of freedom, you want more of it.
 

jennifer1967

Registered User
Mar 15, 2020
4,594
0
Southampton
Hi @jennifer1967 , I have been paying a " sitter" for some weeks to take my husband out from 4.00pm to 7.00pm four times a week.
I thought I had found a good ,though temporary, solution which would give me a breath of fresh air, but unfortunately they often came back home only two hours after they had left. I don't know if it is really my husband who gets bored after a couple of hours, or it is the sitter who is tryingto be smart with me, earning the same money and working less.
So I had to make some adjustments.
Not long after they have gone out, I go out, too, and I don't turn up until the three hours have expired.
Sometimes I go food shopping or have a walk or just sit in the car and have a chat on the phone with a friend , without my husband interrupting me every three minutes.
Well, these moments of respite are precious BUT once you enjoy the taste of freedom, you want more of it.
i know what you mean. i cant go out anyway but those 2 hrs twice a week would get us out with some men. its the privacy i want back. my phone rings and its 20 questions who, why, what which i find hardest. because ive made a decision that if and when he goes into care, i will be rehoused and that will be a natural separation then. thats why im intent in clearing the house. he knows hes not nice to live with. my feelings have changed and i feel one step removed now. my marriage is different because i have been controlled, hit and pushed before dementia, i am just looking after him. he doesnt know my feelings and its best that way. we have been married 32 yrs last month so its sad but i will never get married or have another man in my life.
 

Bikerbeth

Registered User
Feb 11, 2019
2,011
0
Bedford
I so hope the ‘men cave’ works out for your husband, just to give you that break and that time for some privacy including time to make phone calls as needed.
enjoy your day and enjoy the music. I am glad you refused the request as today is your day.
 

jennifer1967

Registered User
Mar 15, 2020
4,594
0
Southampton
I so hope the ‘men cave’ works out for your husband, just to give you that break and that time for some privacy including time to make phone calls as needed.
enjoy your day and enjoy the music. I am glad you refused the request as today is your day.
thank you @Bikerbeth its mens sheds but its the same. hes phoning up my son just to hear a male voice. as long as my son takes him. at the moment i have an hour upstairs and thats when i make phone calls. ive been up since 5am getting him ready so im tired but the freedom is worth it.
 

jennifer1967

Registered User
Mar 15, 2020
4,594
0
Southampton
hes on his way back so still have 3 hrs to go. he said it gets boring after a time which translates to ive done the host mode for long enough and now im tired and want to be at home. i have relaxed mentally as i havent had to keep an eye on him and his moods and reactions. i havent had to be wary. i havent had to get up so often so the pain has reduced. playing music all day has boosted my mood. all good things come to end but at least he will have something to talk about and no doubt his sister is thinking the same. its given me time to rest and relax.
 

MaNaAk

Registered User
Jun 19, 2016
4,418
0
Essex
You have been free and hopefully he'll want to go straight to bed when he gets back. I remember dad sundowning and sitting in his chair asking about going home and then an hour later he'd be a sleep in the chair.

MaNaAk
 

jennifer1967

Registered User
Mar 15, 2020
4,594
0
Southampton
You have been free and hopefully he'll want to go straight to bed when he gets back. I remember dad sundowning and sitting in his chair asking about going home and then an hour later he'd be a sleep in the chair.

MaNaAk
thank you @MaNaAk that was the word i was looking for, free, he had a bad night last night but he probably fall asleep in his chair although should be in time for formula 1 tonight. joy!!!
 

jennifer1967

Registered User
Mar 15, 2020
4,594
0
Southampton
So glad you have had your day of freedom but sorry it has come to an end 🤗
thank you, im grateful for anything. hes happy he saw his sister. shes 78 now and he said has aged. i always thought of her as a cher lookalike. she stills gets up earlier than her husband to put her make-up on and be ready for when he gets up. i wouldnt do it.
 

jennifer1967

Registered User
Mar 15, 2020
4,594
0
Southampton
hes come down this morning feeling not well at all. hes constantly coughing and at one point couldnt get his breath. hes now calmed down a bit now but im going to have to keep my eye on him. i slept well but feel like ive been having arguments with myself all night so a bit heavy- headed.
 

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