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advice please

jennifer1967

Registered User
Mar 15, 2020
3,768
0
Southampton
ive had a really down day today. i got treated to a black look and told i dont hoover on sundays apparently. i feel so overwhelmed and panicky. he hasnt really been particularly bad but i cant cope. i burst into tears. it felt so hopeless. obviously no cuddles, nothing. i told him i couldnt cope and that he had vetoed any help and he just said, yes i know. my back is hurting but ive got to keep clearing and take the pain as it will always complain. he is going to his sisters on thursday now. it wasnt my sons fault, the bath flooded and he couldnt leave his partner to sort it as she has bipolar so she would have struggled. lets hope as i really do need that day off.
 

margherita

Registered User
May 30, 2017
3,062
0
Italy, Milan and Acqui Terme
ive had a really down day today. i got treated to a black look and told i dont hoover on sundays apparently. i feel so overwhelmed and panicky. he hasnt really been particularly bad but i cant cope. i burst into tears. it felt so hopeless. obviously no cuddles, nothing. i told him i couldnt cope and that he had vetoed any help and he just said, yes i know. my back is hurting but ive got to keep clearing and take the pain as it will always complain. he is going to his sisters on thursday now. it wasnt my sons fault, the bath flooded and he couldnt leave his partner to sort it as she has bipolar so she would have struggled. lets hope as i really do need that day off.
You need much more than ONE day off @jennifer1967 , but let's think of it as a starting point
((((hugs))))
 

Bikerbeth

Registered User
Feb 11, 2019
1,953
0
Bedford
I hope today has been better for you. I know you need to get the clearing done but if you need to slow it down a little do. Even when you learn to live with constant pain the bad days are magnified. As @margherita says 1 day is not enough but it is a start. Hang on in there and take that day off and rest or whatever you want to do for you.
 

jennifer1967

Registered User
Mar 15, 2020
3,768
0
Southampton
today i caught up with some housework. i didnt want to leave everything till wednesday and be in pain on thursday on my day off. i cleared some drawers in my hallway which was difficult emotionally as there were cards between me and my husband. brought back memories but i saved one. they didnt mean the same to me so theyve gone. i now have 2 empty drawers. even had my medication admin training books in there and i left work 4 years ago. im not doing anything tomorrow as my back is playing up. ordered a shredder for the letters so that will be my next job. i get stiff then harder to walk.
 

Grannie G

Volunteer Moderator
Apr 3, 2006
73,184
0
Kent
I find it quite therapeutic sorting cupboards and drawers. At the moment I`m going through my kitchen cupboards sorting out - dated packets.

During lockdown I sorted my wardrobes but wasn`t too successful making space. I have clothes of all sizes and still believe the day may come when I can wear those which are too small.

I find my back pain dictates how much I can do. Bending is the worst. I was once told by a yoga teacher, if you can`t clean the whole kitchen clean one cupboard , which is what I do.

@jennifer1967 Have a good rest today.
 

jennifer1967

Registered User
Mar 15, 2020
3,768
0
Southampton
I find it quite therapeutic sorting cupboards and drawers. At the moment I`m going through my kitchen cupboards sorting out - dated packets.

During lockdown I sorted my wardrobes but wasn`t too successful making space. I have clothes of all sizes and still believe the day may come when I can wear those which are too small.

I find my back pain dictates how much I can do. Bending is the worst. I was once told by a yoga teacher, if you can`t clean the whole kitchen clean one cupboard , which is what I do.

@jennifer1967 Have a good rest today.
thank you @Grannie G ive got the shredder coming today so might just shred some paper work.i can sit and do that. ive not even thought about kitchen cupboards. they are full of stuff id never use again but had to have at the time. i try and sit at the level that im clearing to bending but i do twist it. because its the sciatic nerve, its the pain in my leg as well.
 

Kika

Registered User
May 11, 2019
19
0
Pain in my joints and back stops me doing as much gardening as I would like, and the garden is one place I can escape.
 

jennifer1967

Registered User
Mar 15, 2020
3,768
0
Southampton
Pain in my joints and back stops me doing as much gardening as I would like, and the garden is one place I can escape.
ive got no chance of gardening. my son or another member of the family cut the grass. my knees have arthritis in them and ive had a partial knee replacement. im only 54 as well.
 

Wildflowerlady

Registered User
Sep 30, 2019
429
0
Hi @jennifer1967 I had loads of stuff to shred recently lots of my late dads old paperwork plus a load of my own. I've vowed not to let it all build up again as took ages. Just a small tip give the machine a little rest as well as yourself as otherwise it can stop as needs to cool down. I thought ours was broken and it was fairly new but a small rest and all good. Take care 🤗
 

jennifer1967

Registered User
Mar 15, 2020
3,768
0
Southampton
Hi @jennifer1967 I had loads of stuff to shred recently lots of my late dads old paperwork plus a load of my own. I've vowed not to let it all build up again as took ages. Just a small tip give the machine a little rest as well as yourself as otherwise it can stop as needs to cool down. I thought ours was broken and it was fairly new but a small rest and all good. Take care 🤗
its not so much at the moment as im clearing each area separately and shredding as i go. he asked me this morning if i had anything to do? and that at least it wasnt manual labour!!
i spent a good hour running round him so no manual labour. i have sat and finished my book finally. im waiting for the shredder to be delivered so im going to knit. everything else can wait.
 

MaNaAk

Registered User
Jun 19, 2016
4,104
0
Essex
its not so much at the moment as im clearing each area separately and shredding as i go. he asked me this morning if i had anything to do? and that at least it wasnt manual labour!!
i spent a good hour running round him so no manual labour. i have sat and finished my book finally. im waiting for the shredder to be delivered so im going to knit. everything else can wait.
Just take it easy.

MaNaAk
 

jennifer1967

Registered User
Mar 15, 2020
3,768
0
Southampton
Just take it easy.

MaNaAk
just got to iron his clothes tomorrow after washing his favourite jeans and jumper which he decided to wear. he makes work. if i do things tomorrow, i then have a whole day off when hes gone. even in that morning just have to get him ready. im looking forward to it so im not up and down all the time.
 

jennifer1967

Registered User
Mar 15, 2020
3,768
0
Southampton
after yesterday when at 8pm he reminded me he wanted his haircut then subsequent hoover up, i didnt sleep very well as the pain was awful. my leg keeps giving out as i walk on it and my back is complaining. so today is a sit down day. ive only to iron his clothes. and shred bits of paper. when i asked him to move chairs yesterday he said when im ready. hes building up for tomorrow. hes been quite good in the last few days but due to the damp he is now breathless. have to phone the doctor to see if he can have some more steroids. which leads to frustration and inability to do anything. the steroids give him a boost in being controlling. please a day off tomorrow!!!
 

jennifer1967

Registered User
Mar 15, 2020
3,768
0
Southampton
im destined to not have this day off. his sister phoned as my B-in-L is working tomorrow. could he go on a saturday. they dont know how much i need this break and day off. its the only thing thats kept me going and now its turned to dust again. im more sad that no-one is taking it seriously that i need a break. ive am fuming and totally had enough. the doctor said about blood tests which ive forgotten to make the appt havent i enough to do. well that sort it out themselves. i give up im obviously not up to the job.
 

jennifer1967

Registered User
Mar 15, 2020
3,768
0
Southampton
they are going saturday. im shredding and resting today. i cant do any more. i cant stand the the ups and downs of when i will get a day off. just shows how much i need it. i was in tears and still to do his blood test. im drained and i think my IBS flare up is all part of the same thing. music helps everything, him to relax and me to restore the spirits. i feel totally sick. all to do with my anxiety levels going through the roof.
 

Wildflowerlady

Registered User
Sep 30, 2019
429
0
Am so sorry to hear your day off is cancelled again @jennifer1967 I will now keep fingers and toes crossed for Saturday. In the meantime do as little as possible some things can wait until another day. You are doing a marvelous job and not well yourself so don't put yourself down, you are very understandably weary and tired and need some rest and time for yourself. Sending a hug 🫂
 

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