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Advice please

TP17

New member
Aug 12, 2020
5
Hi, I'm new to the forum and would welcome some advice on how to help my mum who is struggling to cope with my grandmother. She is 92 and has had dementia for appx 15 years and without boring you with the full story, she is a very strong willed lady and although she is clearly in the later stages of dementia, she is clever and can fool Social Services into thinking she is capable of living on her own, In short, she has 2 carers visit and the nurse each day (as also diabetic) but she really shouldn't be living on her own as she is becoming very frail and fell out of bed 2 days ago and laid on her floor for 6 hours until the carer arrived.
My mum has POA and has been down the route over the last couple of years to try to get her in home but as my nan apparently has the capacity to make her own decisions (Social Services asked her if she would go to a home and she said no) nothing can be done.
The stress and strain this is having on my mum, who has her own health issues (in fact I think she too is in the very early stages of dementia (it appears to run in the family)) is becoming unmanageable and my mum says she was talking to a friend who suggested she speaks to a solicitor and take it through the courts.
From anyone's experiences, is this an option as clearly it will be a costly and stressful process for my mum, who I really don't think is capable of doing this given her health and state of mind.
Welcome any support you can give,

Thanks in advance
 

jennifer1967

Registered User
Mar 15, 2020
692
with your nan falling out of bed could you get an alarm system where she wears it around her neck and she just needs to press the button when she needs help save her staying on the floor. could they both need assessing. my nan was like that and was tricked into going into a home at 96. she was a person that just didnt want to be helped. she refused carers be frienders and family help most of the time at least your nan does have carers and a nurse going in and monitoring. they can pick up on things. we did pick my nan up couple of times and set up alarm which agreed to then cancelled it when we left. they dont make that generation anymore.
 

Canadian Joanne

Volunteer Moderator
Apr 8, 2005
16,668
66
Toronto, Canada
Other than backing off and waiting for a crisis to happen, I don't know what can be done otherwise. I would, however, try to document every thing your grandmother is doing that is obviously detrimental to her well-being. This would help you build a case.
 

Louise7

Registered User
Mar 25, 2016
2,378
Hello, welcome to the forum @TP17 you'll find lots of friendly advice and support here. Do social services provide your grandmother's carers or is she self-funding and paying for these herself? It seems that she now needs more than 2 carer visits a day, to ensure that she isn't left so long between visits. If she hasn't been assessed by social services recently then you could request a further care needs assessment, particularly as lying on the floor for 6 hours is a safeguarding issue and your mum is struggling to cope due to her own health issues.
 

LouJT

New member
Aug 12, 2020
8
Hi, I’m also new here too... you could request for a capacity assessment as she may not have capacity to make the decision on where she lives and then it would be in her best interest to be cared for elsewhere if that is what you and your family want. Also if anything else change keep referring to social care... hope this helps
 

TP17

New member
Aug 12, 2020
5
with your nan falling out of bed could you get an alarm system where she wears it around her neck and she just needs to press the button when she needs help save her staying on the floor. could they both need assessing. my nan was like that and was tricked into going into a home at 96. she was a person that just didnt want to be helped. she refused carers be frienders and family help most of the time at least your nan does have carers and a nurse going in and monitoring. they can pick up on things. we did pick my nan up couple of times and set up alarm which agreed to then cancelled it when we left. they dont make that generation anymore.
Thanks for your reply. She does have an alarm but forgets to put it on or doesn't want to wear it. It's so hard as she is very stubborn.
 

TP17

New member
Aug 12, 2020
5
Hi, I’m also new here too... you could request for a capacity assessment as she may not have capacity to make the decision on where she lives and then it would be in her best interest to be cared for elsewhere if that is what you and your family want. Also if anything else change keep referring to social care... hope this helps
Thanks for your rep,y. She had a test in the last year but they wont do anything, despite her Doctor recommending she should be in a home. Not sure how long before another assessment can be made so could be worth asking for one again
 

TP17

New member
Aug 12, 2020
5
Hello, welcome to the forum @TP17 you'll find lots of friendly advice and support here. Do social services provide your grandmother's carers or is she self-funding and paying for these herself? It seems that she now needs more than 2 carer visits a day, to ensure that she isn't left so long between visits. If she hasn't been assessed by social services recently then you could request a further care needs assessment, particularly as lying on the floor for 6 hours is a safeguarding issue and your mum is struggling to cope due to her own health issues.
Thanks for your reply. It's self funded and my mum has even told SS they will pay for the home care costs but they have said she can't be forced to go into a Home if she doesn't want to. My main concern is that my mum will be wasting time and money going to a solicitor and going to court which I'm sure will be a lengthy process
 

TP17

New member
Aug 12, 2020
5
Other than backing off and waiting for a crisis to happen, I don't know what can be done otherwise. I would, however, try to document every thing your grandmother is doing that is obviously detrimental to her well-being. This would help you build a case.
Thanks for your reply. IT does seem that nothing will be done until something serious happens although 3 years ago she broke her hip and they still sent her home so it's an accident waiting to happen. My mum is documenting everything as wants to take it to a solicitor but tbh, I don't know if they will be able to do anything
 

Sarasa

Registered User
Apr 13, 2018
1,702
Hi@TP17 and welcome to Dementia Talking Point. It does sound like your grandmother needs to be in a care home, or at the very least have more regular care visits. Rather than a solicitor I suggest your mum or you phone the Alzheimer’s Society and ask for advice about the way forward.

Dementia Connect support line: 0333 150 3456 and dementia.connect@alzheimers.org.uk