Hi, I am staying with my mum who has A as my Dad has been taken into hospital following a stroke. He is making an amazing recovery and hopefully will be home next week. Dad has been hospitalised a number of times over the last few years and i move in to provide interim care as he is my mums main carer. We are following a pattern that i have seen before with mum getting more and more confused about what has happened. First i would like to say she saved Dad's life by dialling 999 before calling me so she is as amazing as Dad. Obviously we had virtually no sleep in the first 24 hrs, then we couldn't/can't go to the hospital due to C19. Then for a couple of days no phone contact either. Mum was v v upset at first thinking he had died every time she woke up to the bed empty next to her or went to the loo and came back to see his chair empty. All of this i have been able to handle/ "re-set" by explaining, but now she can't remember him at all and i can't get that back on track even with photos of him and she is getting more and more distressed that she can't remember him. Says, how can i have been married to him for 60 years and not remember him, what is his name? Please does anyone have any suggestions, i just don't know what to try next.
Advice please
- Thread starter wineplease
- Start date
Hi @wineplease (like the name btw!), that sounds tricky. Can you avoid the subject altogether for the time being, as she will probably remember him when she sees him. Not quite the same but I was sat in a café with my mum waiting for my sister in law and nephew last year. 'Do I know them?' asked mum. I was a bit shocked at that, but when they turned up five minutes later she did know who they were and everything was fine.
If you can't, don't dwell on it too much as it'll probably make her more confused and worried as she tries to remember.
Do they normally have help coming in? It sounds that looking after her is going to be too much for your dad when he comes home.
If you can't, don't dwell on it too much as it'll probably make her more confused and worried as she tries to remember.
Do they normally have help coming in? It sounds that looking after her is going to be too much for your dad when he comes home.
Hi no l can't avoid the subject as it is mum who keeps saying... How can l not remember, have tried changing the subject but we are stuck in a loop that l can't break
Ps she does remember him for most of the day but tonight it is really bad and upsetting her so much. Some of the memory is there ie.. l have a husband who is missing..... but l can't picture him or remember his name.
She will def know him when she sees or speaks to him, she was chatting on the phone to him earlier
It's called sundowning when people with dementia get more confused in the afternoon. The standard advice is to try and change the subject by a bit of distraction 'Oh look at that interesting bird out there.', 'Let's have some cake' etc etc.
I can't say it ever really worked with my mum (who is now in a care home). She just kept on returning to the topic, but some people have success. Trying to explain makes things worse. My mum kept on thinking the neighbours were stealing from her. My husband just told her flat out she was mistaken, I tried logic in that it made more sense she'd hidden things than that strangers had sneaked in and moved the instructions for her iron. The only thing that sort of worked was my brother treating her like his dog and holding out a treat, 'let's all have some prosecco and a dance'!
Hope things get a bit easier sooner rather than later.
I can't say it ever really worked with my mum (who is now in a care home). She just kept on returning to the topic, but some people have success. Trying to explain makes things worse. My mum kept on thinking the neighbours were stealing from her. My husband just told her flat out she was mistaken, I tried logic in that it made more sense she'd hidden things than that strangers had sneaked in and moved the instructions for her iron. The only thing that sort of worked was my brother treating her like his dog and holding out a treat, 'let's all have some prosecco and a dance'!
Hope things get a bit easier sooner rather than later.
She will probably be fine when she sees him. My mum claimed that my brother still lived with her and wasn't married and definitely didn't have any children (he has six). When four of them arrived she named them all without prompting. Even if she doesn't recognise him she will probably think that he is a nice person that she knows (hugely difficult for your dad I know). The main thing is that if she feels comfortable and safe she will be fine.
Thnk you yes l know the sun downer term and lots has gone on today. There is no normality right now and all of my diversion attempts failed today, was feeling frantic, thnk you for your reply l understand what you mean
