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Advice please.

Nats11

New member
Apr 2, 2020
2
I am a career for mum who has dementia. She lives alone 5mins from us. Mum likes to go into town to have her lunch several times a week. However during the Covid crisis and lockdown no where is open. However despite many notices about her flat and frequent call from us she still tries and sometimes makes it in to town. She then wanders around confused for a couple of hours before coming home. We have started bringing her over here for lunch but sometimes she goes early into town. Have Aldo tried dropping off a hot meal but that gets left uneaten. Don’t know what to try next
 

karaokePete

Registered User
Jul 23, 2017
5,634
N Ireland
Hello and welcome @Nats11 .

I don't have an answer for you but perhaps you would have luck searching in the Covid 19 sub-forum you can find by clicking the following link
 

Pete1

Registered User
Jul 16, 2019
866
Hi @Nats11 , welcome to the forum. It is certainly a difficult situation to manage. Unfortunately I can't see that Mum will change her behaviour, even with prompts. Do you know if she is going out at night? You could potentially get cameras or door alarms that could alert you when she goes out - but obviously this will not prevent Mum from wandering. On the plus side, she seems to know to return home, which is reassuring.

Is it possible that perhaps you could move in with her during this lockdown period for her own safety - or her move in with you as a temporary measure? I know movements are restricted, but if this is an emergency situation it may be necessary. All the best.
 

Nats11

New member
Apr 2, 2020
2
Hi @Nats11 , welcome to the forum. It is certainly a difficult situation to manage. Unfortunately I can't see that Mum will change her behaviour, even with prompts. Do you know if she is going out at night? You could potentially get cameras or door alarms that could alert you when she goes out - but obviously this will not prevent Mum from wandering. On the plus side, she seems to know to return home, which is reassuring.

Is it possible that perhaps you could move in with her during this lockdown period for her own safety - or her move in with you as a temporary measure? I know movements are restricted, but if this is an emergency situation it may be necessary. All the best.
Hi Pete. As I’m a frontline worker was trying to not have any close contact with mum at this time however due to memory deterioration this isn’t possible. As I work moving in with mum not a solution and not keen to move mum in with us either as there is a real risk it would have to be permanent. It’s good just to have someone to vent concerns at thsnks
 

Rosettastone57

Registered User
Oct 27, 2016
1,346
I am a career for mum who has dementia. She lives alone 5mins from us. Mum likes to go into town to have her lunch several times a week. However during the Covid crisis and lockdown no where is open. However despite many notices about her flat and frequent call from us she still tries and sometimes makes it in to town. She then wanders around confused for a couple of hours before coming home. We have started bringing her over here for lunch but sometimes she goes early into town. Have Aldo tried dropping off a hot meal but that gets left uneaten. Don’t know what to try next
My mother in law was a bit like this with notes left around and meals, although she wasn't mobile, so we didn't have the issue with going out. We tried a hot meal delivery , but as you say, it was left uneaten. My mother in law was self funding and had carers in three times a day . The only way she would eat was if the carers prepared her a meal and waited with her while she ate it, thus providing a social atmosphere. It will get to the point where any amount of notes , cameras etc won't make much of a difference. My mother in law would simply ignore any notes, she didn't have the initiative to look at them in the first place. Not easy I'm afraid.
 

Wigan Lass

Registered User
Jul 26, 2019
10
Hi Pete. As I’m a frontline worker was trying to not have any close contact with mum at this time however due to memory deterioration this isn’t possible. As I work moving in with mum not a solution and not keen to move mum in with us either as there is a real risk it would have to be permanent. It’s good just to have someone to vent concerns at thsnks
Hi Nats11,
Know exactly how you feel.I too am a front line worker in the NHS and am really scared of passing covid to my mum.
She has no carers and relies solely on me for meds and shopping so I have no option.
We can only do what we can do even when we do not feel relaxed doing it
No chance of getting outside care at present.
Stay Strong
 

Pete1

Registered User
Jul 16, 2019
866
It’s good just to have someone to vent concerns at thsnks
Hi @Nats11, feel free to share always! I certainly found the wandering difficult to deal with, but as I said the positive is that Mum is returning. It really is a risk management balancing act, the fear of passing on Covid-19 or the fear of leaving a loved one with Dementia struggling without the support you feel they need. I guess it is just being pragmatic with what you can realistically do on a daily basis. I do feel for you and the family. Carry on posting though.....
 

Meesh

New member
Apr 15, 2020
1
It’s so difficult , did you say she’s been to yours for lunch during this time , my dad lives alone 5 mins from us and appears multiple times a day at the end of our drive , I would love to be able to sit with him in our garden he dues to understand he can’t come in , I have to tell him every day the reason why he can’t , what is the general opinion should I let him sit in the garden with us to break up his day
 

Shedrech

Volunteer Moderator
Dec 15, 2012
9,228
Yorkshire
Hello @Meesh
A warm welcome to DTP

Personally, I would.... I'd set a chair and if poss a small table (to put a drink and biscuit on) for him 2 metres away and let him settle

Maybe it's not exactly keeping to the words of the guidelines but it is to the spirit and he needs special understanding... I certainly have seen a few families doing this and to me it's not hurting anyone but is helping the family

Others may disagree... you have to decide what's best in your circumstances
 

millalm

Registered User
Oct 9, 2019
93
Absolutely sit with him in the garden! I know this might not be a popular decision but If it was my Dad with dementia and he was is on his own I would consider making him part of my 'household' even though he does not live with you. If he lives alone and is not interacting with others then I think you have to weigh the risk of you potentially exposing him with the damage that being isolated will do to him. If I could safely visit only my Mum (who has dementia) in her care home without any risk to others I would choose to do it in a heartbeat.