Advice please

andyst13

New member
Jan 31, 2020
4
Hello, new to the forum and in need of advice on the best way forward.


She has lived on her own for many years following the death of my Dad but had become increasingly confused / muddled culminating in being admitted to hospital as her GP thought she had a stroke. The hospital diagnosed vascular dementia and wanted to put her into a home, as in hospital she was exhibiting delirium, wandering etc. She has a history of not liking hospitals!


Both my brother and I decided that we did not want her to go into a care home yet, so my brother offered to look after her in Australia for a while. She would have company and the weather would be better!


Australian SS have assessed Mum and feel that with the right care package she could live in her own home. We would need to make a few adjustments to her home (i.e. isolate the gas hob, fit camera and a telecare package)


She is returning to the UK next week and I have a care needs assessment booked. My concern is I do not live locally (5 hours away) and will only be able to spend a week with my Mum to get her settled & make the house as safe as I can. I know SS are not the quickest at arranging care packages and have been told it could take 6 weeks or so.


I was wondering can I force social services to arrange emergency care for my Mum until she has a financial assessment and the necessary care package can be arranged. They have mentioned on the phone that I would need to arrange private care in the interim, but would like to check if this is correct? I would be very concerned leaving my Mum on her own as she has not lived on her own for nearly a year.


My Mum would be funded by social services as her savings are well below the threshold, her own asset being the house. We have an LPA in place.


Any advice would be appreciated, as really unsure what to expect or what the next steps should be.


Thank you!
 

Wildflowerlady

Registered User
Sep 30, 2019
94
Hi @andyst 13

My dad lives on his own with four care visits per day provided by Social Services/Local Authority he pays towards his care but is not fully funding as what he pays is based on his savings. Dad has no property as lives in a rented council house.
My sister and I also see him on a very regular basis. Dad has not attempted to wander yet but I would be concerned if your mum is still likely to do that and is living on her own.
I don't think Social Services will rush to help as in push her up a queue unless there is a immediate crisis so I'm guessing there will be some delay in setting up a care package.
It appears from your post they have already suggested you set up something in the meantime.
My dad was in a similar position when your mum was in the UK in that it was a hospital admission that got the ball rolling then regarding his care.
Dad had a rehabilitation period from being discharged from hospital ( suffered delirium and UTI ) which I think was six weeks and it became clear he couldn't manage to live on his own without carers coming in. Any gaps in dads care have been filled by my sister and I and I honestly don't think dad could live at home now without the extra time that sister and I give for his care.

It might well be that despite what the Australian services have said your mum might be better to have her home sold and be placed somewhere where she will have 24/7 care especially if that was suggested here in the UK a year ago?
I'm sure there will be others along to give you some advice which might sound more encouraging?
 

Firecatcher

Registered User
Jan 6, 2020
16
Hi Andyst 13.

I’m really new to all of this too as my Mum has only recently been diagnosed with Alzheimer’s and is hopefully a few years from needing a care home. She also has my Dad as her sole carer although it would be very different if this wasn’t the case as I live 150 miles away and work full time.

You definitely need to put pressure on social services as the more you’re prepared or willing to do the more they’ll drag their feet and duck and dive. Be assertive and firm with them and point out that your Mum is a ‘vulnerable person and they have a duty of care’. Don’t let them coerce you doing anything you don’t feel able to manage like just stepping in for a while. If your Mum had no one to provide care they would have to act.
 

andyst13

New member
Jan 31, 2020
4
Hi @andyst 13

My dad lives on his own with four care visits per day provided by Social Services/Local Authority he pays towards his care but is not fully funding as what he pays is based on his savings. Dad has no property as lives in a rented council house.
My sister and I also see him on a very regular basis. Dad has not attempted to wander yet but I would be concerned if your mum is still likely to do that and is living on her own.
I don't think Social Services will rush to help as in push her up a queue unless there is a immediate crisis so I'm guessing there will be some delay in setting up a care package.
It appears from your post they have already suggested you set up something in the meantime.
My dad was in a similar position when your mum was in the UK in that it was a hospital admission that got the ball rolling then regarding his care.
Dad had a rehabilitation period from being discharged from hospital ( suffered delirium and UTI ) which I think was six weeks and it became clear he couldn't manage to live on his own without carers coming in. Any gaps in dads care have been filled by my sister and I and I honestly don't think dad could live at home now without the extra time that sister and I give for his care.

It might well be that despite what the Australian services have said your mum might be better to have her home sold and be placed somewhere where she will have 24/7 care especially if that was suggested here in the UK a year ago?
I'm sure there will be others along to give you some advice which might sound more encouraging?
Thank you for your advice. It is such a difficult time for everyone.
Mum's dementia has definitely progressed over the course of the year she has been away. She has been back a couple of days now and whilst the house is familiar to her, she is wandering around the house several times during the night unsure where she is and continuously re-arranged her clothes in her bedroom and tidying up. Is this normal part of the condition and it's just her settling in? Or is this a progression of the illness. She is also sleeping a lot. I put it down to jet lag, but now not so sure after yesterday. She slept continuous from about 4pm until I suggested she went to bed at 9pm. She is dreaming a lot and very vividly from what I can make out as when she occasionally woke, she was seeing and talking about things that were just not there. Agina is this just the progression of the illness or something else? I am going to get a doctors appointment for tomorrow to ensure she hasn't got a water infection etc.
I really want to support Mum in her choice to have care at home. She has been through so much and has cared for so many family members over the years that I feel she deserves a chance, but equally, I am concerned as she is very vulnerable on her own.
 

andyst13

New member
Jan 31, 2020
4
Hi Andyst 13.

I’m really new to all of this too as my Mum has only recently been diagnosed with Alzheimer’s and is hopefully a few years from needing a care home. She also has my Dad as her sole carer although it would be very different if this wasn’t the case as I live 150 miles away and work full time.

You definitely need to put pressure on social services as the more you’re prepared or willing to do the more they’ll drag their feet and duck and dive. Be assertive and firm with them and point out that your Mum is a ‘vulnerable person and they have a duty of care’. Don’t let them coerce you doing anything you don’t feel able to manage like just stepping in for a while. If your Mum had no one to provide care they would have to act.
Mum has her assessment tomorrow. I went through her finances yesterday with her as she was concerned someone had taken all her money, obviously no-one has but she was convinced. That seemed to re-assure her, but it bring home how little in savings she has and how any private respite or care at home in a none starter. I really need social services to act tomorrow. Can they do that? Do they have emergency care that they can call upon? I am unable to care for Mum as I live 300 miles away, have a full time job and two young children to care for. I did consider her living with us for a while, but after spending time with her the past few days, it wouldn't work. She is confused even in her own home, so would hate what she would be like in a strange house.
I hope they can help tomorrow and understand how vunerable she is.
 

Sarasa

Registered User
Apr 13, 2018
831
Hope it goes well tomorrow @andyst13. I think you need to stress that you live a long way away, have a young family so cannot be a hands on carer. Hope they come up with a suitable care package for her. Is she able to go out and about. the crunch may well come if she gets lost or starts bothering the neighbours.
If she owns her own place you might want to think of putting it on the market to fund a move to a care home near you sometime in the near future.
 

andyst13

New member
Jan 31, 2020
4
Hope it goes well tomorrow @andyst13. I think you need to stress that you live a long way away, have a young family so cannot be a hands on carer. Hope they come up with a suitable care package for her. Is she able to go out and about. the crunch may well come if she gets lost or starts bothering the neighbours.
If she owns her own place you might want to think of putting it on the market to fund a move to a care home near you sometime in the near future.
Thank you@Sarasa. It's a terribly difficult situation. Mum is not able to go out on her own, she get easily lost and disorientated. Then she gets very upset and can't speak, remember her name, where she lives and it spirals from there, until she can calm down and slowly remembers the information. She has very good neighbours, who help out where they can, but it's not a long term solution. They have their own lives and in many cases are the same age as my Mum, so have health issues themselves.
From a keeping Mum safe perspective, a move to a residential care home, I feel would be best. She would be safe and have people to talk to, unlike if she stayed in her own home. But I know this outcome would break her heart & mine.