Advice Please

cass2

Registered User
Jun 21, 2008
5
Sorry If I Am Not Using This Forum Properly But Have Jst Joined In The Main To Gain Advice Re My Partners Mam And The Wat The Family Are Coping
 

cass2

Registered User
Jun 21, 2008
5
Hi ALL STILL NOT SURE IF SUING THIS FORUM RIGHT BUT CAN ANY ONE ADVICE. My partners elderly mam who is 89 started with memory loss forgetting where she been etc but would remember once prompted this went on for some months but she is still active still makes cakes etc for everyone. Family decuded to put her in residential care although they mentioned this to their mam they went ahead and secured a place for her even thugh she said she wanted to stop in her home wehich she has lived in for 56 years, she has been in her flat for six weeks and day to day there is constant argumnets with the mam who is very husrt and wants to go back to her house where she was happy, she is telling them i dont like it and she will never forgive them. She is also starting to refuse to change her clothes yet in th epast she was a very smart woman wont cook on the electric oven etc it seems she is making a point to me but they think she is being aw kward. Any advice as when i try to approach the subject of maybe reviewing the family decision my partner doesnt want to defensive. I think it will make his mam deteriate further if they dont change track. she has not been diagnosed by a doctor
 

BeckyJan

Registered User
Nov 28, 2005
18,972
Derbyshire
Hello - I do think you are very special to be handling your partners's problems!!

It is not clear whether your MIL (for better phrase) is in her own flat or in a nursing home.

My first thoughts are 'where is the GP in all this?' - surely they are involved with 89 year olds and should be taking an interest in her welfare. Having said that they can only 'act' when they know how things are. Could your partner, with your help, send a letter to the GP explaining the situation?

I am sure you will get more advice here as you go along the 'dementia' route.

Love Jan
 

cass2

Registered User
Jun 21, 2008
5
HI Beckyjam

She is in her own flat, thats one of the points her gp is not involved family havent consulted him because she is a fit 89 year old. Her only problem has been getting forgetful i.e. not remembering what she done yesterday forgetting where she has put things but she is aware she is doing this. Says she doesnt like this getting old business. he family have reacted to this by wanting her to be in a flat attached to a warden service and also communal room where she can get social contact. She is only in twice a week she has an active social life. I cant help thinking they will cause deteriation because she really doesnt want to be there
 

Cliff

Registered User
Jun 29, 2007
777
North Wales
Dear Cass,

Understand exactly where you are coming from.

Maybe there is only a problem associated with "old age forgetfulness" and maybe she is right to want "none of that" - maybe it's more than that.

Would strongly urge discussion with her GP to kick-start any problem solving and possible necessary care.

You are a brave and caring person to become involved. So suggest you start it off properly and seek medical advice,

Very best wishes,
 

helen.tomlinson

Registered User
Mar 27, 2008
541
Dear Cass

What has happened to the home your partner's mum lived in for 56 years? If things changed, would it be possible for her to return there anyway or has it been let or sold?

This seems a very tricky situation but wonderful that you are so caring and thoughtful. You are in a bit of a powerless situation to change things but perhaps you could gently keep sharing your view and concerns with your partner who is more in a position to be able to change things if necessary.

Very best wishes

Helen
 

cass2

Registered User
Jun 21, 2008
5
Thanks for your replies Helen, Cliff and jan That is how I feel powerless, when i try to approach the subject he just thinks I am getting to him. But I will try to get him to contact his mams doctor he needs advice more than anything. Conversation with his mam today she said she is ging to stop talking to him about it because she knows he gets up set about it (her house she means) but she will never forgive her daughter for it, she really sounds hurt and wanting to get back at her family. To me she doesnt sound as if she has much wrong with her when she is dispalying thought fullness like that, but who knows I will pass on your advice to my partner thanks
 

helen.tomlinson

Registered User
Mar 27, 2008
541
Hello Cass2

I've just thought of something you could do which might prove very helpful at some stage. If you could make notes (keep a diary) of observations of your (let's call her mother-in-law), interpretations of the family, and your understanding. I now keep a diary regarding Alan (my husband) and it really can be useful. No one need know about it but it could be good for your m.i.l. at some stage (if not it doesn't matter).

Good luck

Helen